You don't want to mess with my sister. She'll wear down your self-esteem over a period of years.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
BDr. Bush
What's your name?
MMudflap
Mudflap.
BDr. Bush
Oh, Mudflap, uh... that was my grandmother's name.
MMudflap
Really?
BDr. Bush
No. No, you're named after a dirty part of a truck.
BMrs. Bush
I don't know how Mudflap is doing this without an epidural. If I hadn't had one with Logan...
Tell me about it! [Pointing at Tina and Louise] Those two: piece of cake. [Pointing at Gene] That one: the whole cake. ----
Someone threw a snow cone at my windshield. I thought I hit a rainbow. It was terrifying.
There's my little candy corns! Ooh! Sad Wolverine! Scary, and sad.
I'm Edward Scissorhands, Mom.
Uh, I'm not sure about you walking around with scissors all night, Louise.
[holding up spoons] Why don't you be Edward Spoonhands?
[uses her scissors to grab them and toss them away] Get real. It's Halloween, not Hallowuss.
And Tina's a mummy! Sexy!
[wrapped in toilet paper, holding a baby doll] Last year I was a mummy. This year, I'm a mommy mummy. And I'm single, and I'm working two jobs, and I'm just trying to get back out there.
Tina, you have to put your costume back on the roll tomorrow. I'm not losing that much TP.
Okay.
[Gene clears his throat]
Oh, and Gene looks great, too! Wait, what are you, hon?
I'm rapper/actress Queen Latifah from her "U.N.I.T.Y." phase.
Oh god, so specific and political, I love it!
Where are we?
I think it's a country club.
It's like a huge miniature golf course!
The windmills are going to be enormous!
TSTicket seller
Oh, those kids are really getting it. I remember Hell Hunt. Still can't stand the sight of eggs. Won't eat 'em, won't touch 'em.
What about a nice egg salad?
TSTicket seller
No more egg talk!
Yes more egg talk!
TSTicket seller
Ahh!
Eggs!
Tina, come on.
But Milo and Ned are back there, and they need us.
[pained screaming is heard in the distance]
Do they, though?
Tina, this isn't our fight! Do you really want to stay here and get pee-ballooned?
Yeah. I can pee on myself, I don't need any handouts!
Listen, this town gave us the best candy we've ever seen. We owe it to them to go back.
Great. Now my candy tastes like guilt.
Augh, FINE! We'll go back and save Milo and what's-his-face, but I get to slap Gene!
That's fair.
[Louise slaps Gene across the face]
If you think about it any box could have vibrators in it.
[Refrigerator groans]
Tina?
SGStoner Guy
Hey, Blueberry Girl. You got any extra blueberries?
(Pushing him away) No! And don't come here again. My parents don't know I deliver blueberries. Do you get it?
SGStoner Guy
Okay...
(Suddenly more forceful) No, do you get it!? Don't. Come here. Again.
We all said things we didn't mean. You said, "You're fired." You did not mean that. It sounded very insincere as I remember, and I was like, "Noooo."
We're working girls now!
MMan
You're a girl?
Yes!
No he's not.
Yes I am!
You're not a girl!
Tell that to my vagina!
DDuval
My replacement. I hope you have a hairnet for your face and arms.
I'm not replacing you. I'm just cooking one meal for one night for the Captain's table.
DDuval
You remind me of me, back when I was the Captain's special guest chef for "just one night"... 56 voyages ago!
[dramatic tone plays]
DDuval
Ah, there's the dinner rolls.
Why does your timer sound like that?
DDuval
[angrily] It's French!
[dramatic tone plays]
[addressing a large pot] Duval, is that you in there?
DDuval
[from the pot] No one's in this pot. Go away. I am the spaghetti.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Bob's Burgers pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.