Mother Superior quotes from Blackadder ... TV Quotes Database

[Inside the nunnery, they find the bedroom empty apart from three nuns praying at another altar-thing]

GGeorge

Little sisters of indolence, three men came in. Which way did they go?

PEPrince Edmund

[covering his mouth; speaks falsetto] Oh, I think they went that way.

GGeorge

God bless you.

[They begin to walk away]

JJustin

Wait! They'll be watching out for us dressed like this. Quick! In here. [motions to one of the bed areas]

[Edmund, Percy, and Baldrick begin walking away, but run into the knights, who are also dressed as nuns. All five giggle like girls, covering their mouths, particularly Justin, who has a full beard]

Baldrick

[falsetto] Pray, Sister, have you seen two burly knights pass this way?

GGeorge

[falsetto] No, Sister. More's the pity, eh?

[Justin looks at George, a bit shocked]

JJustin

[falsetto, to Baldrick] Why don't you try that way?

Percy

[normally] Thank you very much.

JJustin

[normally] You're welcome.

[The two parties turn away, but then pause, and realize who the other group is, draw swords and begin fighting, except Baldrick, who doesn't have a sword]

[Elsewhere in the nunnery, the Mother Superior and Sister Sara are walking through the hallways]

SSSister Sara

And yet, Mother Superior... [back to the fight for one second] ...does not St. Paul say in the Ephesians... [back to the fight for one second] "A woman is like a bat..." [back to the fight for one second] "...often heard but never seen"? [back to the fight for one second]

MSMother Superior

No, I don't think so, Sara. [back to the fight for one second] Shall we check the dormitory?

SSSister Sara

[smiles] Oh, yes, Mother Superior. What a good idea.

[In the dormitory, Percy holds his own sword as well as Edmund's, while George just hits each sword, not making much effort to actually hit Percy. Edmund knocks over Justin, whose sword is stuck in one of the wooden partitions, and climbs on top of him. Baldrick, meanwhile, has found himself on top of a real nun in one of the beds. The Mother Superior and Sister Sara enter]

MSMother Superior

[fuming] Girls! Girls! Girls! [Percy and George drop the swords and jump into the beds] If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times: fighting in the dormitory is completely forbidden! Who is the ringleader here? [looks and points at Edmund] You! Yes, you. The plain girl. [takes off headgear] Oh my God! It's the Archbishop of Canterbury!

SSSister Sara

[removes Justin's headgear] And a man! [screams]

PEPrince Edmund

Er, I think I can explain. [laughs uneasily]

S1 E15 Unfinished Business

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[Later, in the Mother Superior's office; Sara is "whipping" Edmund, but actually just tapping the crop against his bottom]

PEPrince Edmund

And that, sweet lady, is the whole story.

MSMother Superior

Let us go over the facts again. Having been appointed Archbishop, you found that all your interests lay in the beauty of your vestments?

PEPrince Edmund

Ahh, the fine embroidery...

MSMother Superior

Unable to resist the slide into depravity, you began to dress up in the habit of a nun.

PEPrince Edmund

I could not resist the texture of the Hessian underthings.

MSMother Superior

[sarcastically] Ooh, I can understand that. Then, you forced the Bishop of Ramsgate and one Brother Baldrick to do so also.

PEPrince Edmund

Oh, may I be cursed for it!

MSMother Superior

And finally, you got two knights drunk and invited them to come and wrestle with you inside the nunnery in an orgy of heathen perversity?

PEPrince Edmund

That's it, Your Grace.

MSMother Superior

It bears the ring of truth, and I must therefore tell you that this morning I have written urgently to all three popes recommending your immediate excommunication. Nevermore may you be Archbishop of Canterbury!

PEPrince Edmund

[mock disappointment] Oh dear! [grins to himself]

MSMother Superior

That's enough, Sister Sara; I think he's learned his lesson. [Sister Sara stops tapping]

PEPrince Edmund

Sorry? [then realizes, and feigns pain] Oh, ow, ow, ow.

MSMother Superior

[standing up] Go, sinner, and meet thy doom!

[Edmund exits into the corridor, and opens the door, with a light at the end of the hallway; he walks slowly toward the light, cleans out his ear and scratches himself a bit as he goes. He emerges into the hallway and find Percy and Baldrick, who are holding Edmund's clothes]

PEPrince Edmund

Quick! The nunnery's on fire!

[He, Percy, and Baldrick run off as the end credits starts]

S1 E15 Unfinished Business

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[After the credits]

MSMother Superior

Alas, the corruption of the world...

SSSister Sara

Yes, alas, Mother Superior.

MSMother Superior

I'm tired and weary. You may leave me now.