“Time Machine” quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Welcome to Prairie Falls. You lucky students have traveled back in time to a typical 19th century homesteading community. Come and meet my fellow townsfolk. [lets Beavis and Butt-head enter]

Butt-head

Uh, did that guy say something about like, traveling back in time? [they approach Van Driessen in 19th century attire]

Van Driessen

Howdy, fair strangers. I am Tobias Van Driessen, a humble but hard working cobbler, who dwells in the cabin down by the old fork river.

Butt-head

Uh, how come Van Driessen's talking like a foreigner?

Beavis

I don't know. Maybe we're in Mexico or something. Let's go find a TV.

Van Driessen

TV? I know not what you talk of, for the year is 1832. Now come and watch us thresh wheat.

Butt-head

Uh, 1832? That's like, not now.

Beavis

Aren't we more than that?

Butt-head

Whoa! Hey Beavis, check it out! Look at all these people! Maybe that dork was right. Maybe we did travel back in time.

Beavis

Oh yeah, yeah. How did that happen?

Butt-head

Uh, maybe that bus broke the time-space cundominium?

Beavis

Oh yeah, yeah, like in that movie, Back to the Future.

Butt-head

Oh yeah. Maybe we can score with your mom.

Beavis

I wonder if we're gonna see dinosaurs. That would be cool.

Butt-head

You dumbass, dinosaurs haven't been invented yet.

Beavis

Oh yeah.

Beavis

Hey Butt-head, since we traveled back in time a thousand years, does that mean that old dude is like, Van Driessen's dad or something?

Butt-head

Uh, oh yeah. He's old. [they approach a woman working a butter churn] Whoa! Come to Butt-head.

Beavis

Yeah, me too!

Megan

I do declare, working this pole is hard.

Beavis

Oh yeah!

Van Driessen

[whispering to the woman] You look familiar, were you at the Renaissance fair this summer?

Megan

Yes! I'm Lady Wentworth.

Van Driessen

Ah, I knew it! I'm Squire Robin! [to the class] Um, class? Why don't you run along and enjoy our simple way of life, m'kay? And take notes! [returns his attention to Megan]

Butt-head

This sucks. How come a wuss like that can score and we can't?

Beavis

Um, how do you know he's gonna score?

Butt-head

Because Van Driessen was born, dumbass. Whoa! Hey Beavis, I just thought of something cool we could do! If we could stop that old wuss from scoring, Van Driessen will never be born. We'll never have to go to that stupid class again.

Beavis

Oh yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah! This is gonna be cool! I mean, or it was cool. I mean, in the past, I mean like after we do it, it's gonna be cool to think back upon.