TV show quotes
[after Batman grapples up a crane with Officer Montoya to safety]
Are you alright?
[Machine gun bullets hit around Batman and Officer Montoya, causing both of them to duck]
Dandy.
Then don't go away.
[Batman leaves as more machine gun bullets hit. Montoya stays down] Count on it.
[after Commissioner Gordon congratulates Officer Montoya for foiling the dock heist with Batman's aid]
I have to hand it to you, Montoya. You and the Batman really turned this thing around.
Yeah, what a collar! You didn't just bust 'em, you put the whole gang out of commission.
What collar? She's suspended.
This farce has gone far enough, Hackle! We apprehended the suspects and recovered our money. The investigation is closed! Officer Montoya earned this collar.
The collar belongs to all three of us, Commissioner. It was a team effort.
Gee... thanks, partner.
Yeah, yeah.
What was that, Bullock?
I said... Thanks a lot, Montoya.
What is this?
If it's moving, it's a rat. If it isn't, it's a cooked rat.
[Alfred flies the Batwing to the tracking device's location] This must be the place! Bring us down!
Negative.
But Master Bruce is down there! We HAVE to land!
Impossible. Area too confined.
Land, you bucket of bolts!
Your funeral.
Oh, dear. [The Batwing flies down abruptly. Bruce, escaping the mine, sees the Batwing fly over]
Son of a gun.
[The Batwing reaches a flat area near Bruce and lands. The cockpit opens.]
Watch your step.
I-I-I claim this land... for Spain. [collapses]
How can I get to be a great magician like you, Jekko?
Well, there are three steps! Step one: run away. Step two: find a magician with a great act. And step three: steal it.
[on TV, reporting about the Mayor's missing son] The Mayor declined, however, to confirm that his son Jordan was missing.
Missing?
It's me, Jekko. I ran away.
You did WHAT?!?
I want to be a magician, like you.
Why, you... [laughs] Well, kid, you got step one right. Come on in. I've been thinking about a protege.
[Batman is trapped inside a tank filled with water, complete with a straitjacket and leg restraints]
For your viewing pleasure, we present... the infamous water tank trap! The great Houdini survived such a test. Dare we demand less of the Batman?
I don't like this, Jekko.
Quiet, kid, it's a free ticket.
[Batman manages to free the sleeves of the jacket]
[clapping] He did it! He got free!
They don't make straitjackets like they used to. I should know.
[Batman wriggles out of the jacket and undoes the leg restraints, but struggles to break the glass]
He can't get out! What's the trick?
That's just it! THERE IS NO TRICK!
No! He'll drown!
[Jordan grabs an axe and strikes the side of the tank to try and free Batman, but "Jekko" takes the axe away]
That's why they call it a finale! [throws down the axe and discards his Jekko the Clown mask] Now sit down and enjoy the show!
[Dent's raid on Thorne has been aborted by the judge due to supposed lack of reliable evidence]
No! NO! I SPENT THREE MONTHS ON THAT RAID! He can't overturn! The fool! HE'S BEEN BOUGHT! LIKE ALL THE REST!
Harvey, please try to calm down. This sort of behavior doesn't run well with the voters-
LET GO OF ME, YOU RICH TWIT!
Stealing someone's psychiatric file is pretty low, Thorne! Even for a swine like you!
But it makes for such fascinating reading. Listen to this, boys. Says here that when Harvey was a little boy, he was bothered by a bully. Every day the bully would bug him after school, until one day little Harvey got so mad, he slugged him one.
Oooh.
Of course, the bully ran away, which made little Harvey very proud. Until he heard that the bully was in the hospital.
That was some punch.
[chuckles] That's what Harvey thought. Except the guy was in the hospital for appendicitis. [chuckles again] But poor Harvey felt so guilty, he never showed his anger again. And that was the start of "Big Bad Harv".
What do you want?
Just a few favors from the D.A.'s office.
You're dreaming.
Otherwise, as a concerned citizen, I'd be compelled to give this to the press. After all, the people of Gotham have a right to know the kind of person... or should I say "persons", they've elected. So, what do you say, Harvey? Do we have a deal?
There's just one problem.
What's that?
[in Big Bad Harv's voice] You're talking to the wrong Harvey.
[In a nightmare, Harvey is being chased by a dark shadow. He suddenly realizes he is standing on a collapsing wooden bridge]
Stay back! [the shadow reveals itself to be Batman]
Harvey, please, let me help you!
You?! You saw what was happening! You knew that something was terribly wrong with me! I thought you were my friend! You should have been able to help me--but you didn't! [Harvey covers his face with his two hands, now transformed into Two-Face]
NOW LOOK AT ME!!
But I tried, Harvey. I... [the bridge pulls itself apart, causing Two-Face to fall off] Harvey!
[Plummets into an abyss of glowing red light] WHY COULDN'T YOU SAVE ME...?!!
[Batman looks down the edge and gasps. He sees his late parents Thomas and Martha Wayne]
Why couldn't you save us, son?
[Bruce wakes up. He then turns to a photo of Two-Face from a newspaper]
So what are you dreaming tonight, Harvey? Peaceful dreams? Nightmares? Maybe both at once. Sleep well, my friend. Whether you are, whatever you've become... I will save you. I swear.
This is my world now. A dichotomy of order and chaos - just like me.
Harvey, what's happened to your mind, your feelings? You used to listen to your feelings.
[flipping his coin] This is what I listen to now. Chance, Grace. Chance is everything. Whether you're born or not, whether you live or die, whether you're good or bad... it's all arbitrary.
That's nonsense, Harvey. Was it chance that made you District Attorney? Was it chance that made you fall in love with me? Take control of your life, Harvey.
[Two-Face grabs a tommy gun and aims at Thorne]
No! Two-Face, don't! [to Batman] You can't let him!
Harvey! What are you doing?!
Taking control of my life.
Let the law handle it.
"The law"?! [takes out his coin] Here's the only law! The law of averages! The great equalizer!
[Two-Face flips the coin, but Batman throws out a crate of other coins, and Two-Face's is lost among them as they spill out]
NO! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! [searches through them] My coin! Where is it?! I can't decide without...! Oh no, it's gotta be here, it's gotta! I HAVE TO HAVE IT!!!
It's all right now, Harvey. I'm here.
Arnold? That's one soul I wish I could give up on.
I don't need your help!
Is that a fact? An empire crumbling? A marriage shattered? A son lost? Sure, you're doing fine.
[after Penguin's goons successfully steal a Fabergé egg on a tall building]
A piece of cake, just like the boss said.
Yeah, all it took was five minutes. [Batman makes his surprise appearance to the goons]
And that'll get you five years...with good behavior.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Batman: The Animated Series pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
