Batman: The Animated Series quotes

Batman

You left Duvall to his fate a century ago. Why come back for him now?

Did you really think, detective, that in my six hundred years of life, I would have sired only one offspring? Even before the Phoenix debacle, I had come to realize that Arkady was too unbalanced and cruel to wisely rule my empire.

Batman

But you couldn't forget about him.

What father can ever forget his son? Come now, detective, I've still a few good years left. We will cross swords another day. But for now, let me take my boy home.

Riddler

[in Bruce's memory] Those are things of the past, Batman. Ancient history that's gone now. I'm a new man. But you probably won't figure that out before it's too late. [laughs]

Bruce

He did it.

Dick

Who?

Bruce

The Riddler. Remember what he said: "Things of the past." "Ancient history that's gone now." Look.

Dick

Gee, I don't know. His riddles aren't usually that subtle. Besides, he's got a multimillion dollar deal with that toy company. Why would he throw it away over some stupid riddle crime?

Bruce

Because that's the way his warped mind works. He's obsessed.

Riddler

He's right, you know.

Who?

Riddler

Batman. He is going to catch me, sooner or later.

Gee, boss, you're scaring me. You're talking kinda crazy.

Riddler

DON'T YOU EVER CALL ME THAT! I fooled the police, the doctors, the Parole Board - all of them! There's only one person who's ever been able to challenge me: BATMAN! He's the only one worthy of the game!

But you said sooner or later he's gonna catch you. What are you gonna do?

Riddler

I'm never going back to Arkham! So I guess there's only one thing to do!

Riddler

Hello, Batman. This is it: the end of the game. I'm a little sad actually. You were a worthy opponent. But then, I told you I'd make a killing at the Toy Fair!

Riddler

[after Batman reveals he survived his trap] There's no way you could have escaped from that explosion! How did you get out?!

Batman

That's my little riddle.

Riddler

Please, you must tell me! [pauses] All right, you win. You'll tell me what I want to know, and I'll tell you what you want to know. Okay?

Batman

[smiles and folds his arms] You mean where you've hidden everything you've stolen?

Riddler

Certainly. I'll even tell you how I committed all those robberies. [holds out his hand] Deal?

Batman

No. [Batman takes out one of Riddler's two-way radios] Did you get that?

[from the radio] We got it.

This ought to be enough to prove a parole violation. You're going away for good this time. All right, get him out of here.

[about the radio] My compliments. This is a great little idea.

Riddler

[stops] Wait a minute! Aren't you gonna tell how you did it?! That's not fair!

Riddler

[ranting in a cell in Arkham] IT'S IMPOSSIBLE, I TELL YOU!! IMPOSSIBLE!! MY TRAP WAS PERFECT!! HOW DID HE DO IT?! I HAVE TO KNOW!! SOMEBODY TELL ME!! IT'S NOT FAIR!! THERE WAS NO WAY, I TELL YOU!! NO WAY HE COULD HAVE GOTTEN OUT!! SOMEBODY TELL ME!! DO YOU HEAR ME?! SOMEBODY TELL ME HOW HE DID IT!! I HAVE TO KNOW!! I HAVE TO KNOOOOOOOOOW!!!

Penguin

And what might you be doing out there? Catching insects for dinner?

Batman

I'm looking for Two-Face.

Penguin

What, did you lose him? [chuckles]

Batman

Somebody kidnapped him from Gotham Central tonight. You and he had a disagreement sometime ago, didn't you?

Penguin

It's true. Harvey stole a rare avis right out from under my beak several months ago. A jewel-encrusted statuette of a two-headed roc. It was worth millions. But, my dear rodent, I'd never kidnap a fellow rogue out of his sickbed. It just isn't done.

Batman

Honour among thieves?

Penguin

Absolutely. If I were going to attack Harvey, I'd do it face to face... to face, heh, so to speak. Like THIS! [laughs and unleashes his birds on Batman]

Batman

You may as well come out. I know everything now.

Batman

You hated Harvey Dent, and would do anything to destroy him.

Two-Face

Why not? He was going to destroy me. Just like I'm going to destroy you! [attacks him]

Batman

Harvey, pull yourself up!

I can't! I'll drop the coin!

Batman

Drop it! Save yourself!

I... I don't know what to do. The coin won't tell me!

Batman

It can't tell you anything! I switched coins when you grabbed me!

Robin

[swings and kicks the thugs out of Batman's way] Good thing I decided to tag along after all.

Batman

It's a trick coin! It'll always land on edge! It's your decision now, Harvey! Life or death? The coin or me?

Batman, help me.

Two-Face

Never! [punches Batman and falls]

Batman

HARVEY!!!

[seen in half-shadow, making him appear to once again be Harvey Dent instead of Two-Face] Bruce? Good old Bruce. Always there. You never give up on me.

Dick

He's right. You're always there for him.

Bruce

Yes, just like you're always there for me.

Dick

Hey, what are friends for?

You've made wonderful progress, Harley. You've passed your competency hearing, and tomorrow, you will be released, mentally sane and sound.

Harley

Wheee! Wahoo! Whoopee! Yay! Yay! Yay! Uh... I mean thank you, Dr. Leland.

That's ok. You have every reason to be proud of yourself.

Scarecrow

[offscreen] Unhand me!

I just wish the other inmates could make your sort of progress.

Scarecrow

I am the Master of Fear! The Lord of Despair! Cower before me in witless terror!

Harley

Hi, Professor Crane!

Scarecrow

Good evening, child. [To Batman and Robin] Worship me, you fools! Worship me! Scream hosannas of anguish to Scarecrow, the all-terrible God of Fear!

Robin

I think he's getting better.

Batman

[To Harley] I hear you're getting out tomorrow.

Harley

You got a problem with that?

Batman

Congratulations.

Harley

Yeah, so I made a few mistakes. [shakes Batman's hand] I've got my head back together, and I'm gonna live my life right.

Batman

For your sake, I hope so.

Harley

I'll show you. Starting tomorrow, you'll see I'm just as sane as anybody.

Harley

I'm having a BAD DAY! I'm sick of people trying to shoot me, run me over and blow me up! I didn't even get to keep my new dress - I ACTUALLY PAID FOR IT!

Harley

Home again, home again, diggity dig...

Not for too long, though. Ms. Vreeland dropped the kidnapping charges. With a little more hard work, you should be ready to re-enter society for good.

Harley

Yay... [to Batman] There's one thing I've gotta know. Why'd you stay with me all day, risking your butt for someone who's never given you anything but trouble?

Batman

I know what it's like to try and rebuild a life. [takes her dress out of a bag] I had a bad day too, once.

Harley

[takes the dress] Nice guys like you shouldn't have bad days.

Scarecrow

Don't take me back there, please! Look at me, Batman! I'm shaking with fear! Me! The Scarecrow! I wasn't even going back to crime this time! I just had to get away from... HIM!

I'll take it from here, Batman. Lyle Bolton, Chief of security. Congratulations, Professor Crane. You're the first inmate to escape Arkham under my charge. You're also the last.