[tosses two pennies on the ground] There's your two cents. Now, what are you going to do to me?
CharlieListen.... I... O'm sorry, really! I.... I had a bad day. Boss turned down my raise, and...
Now look, my rude friend! We can't have people cursing at each other on the freeway. It's simply not polite! [jumps down and grabs him] I'm just going to have to teach you some manners. [reaches into his coat]
Charlie
Please don't! I have a family, a wife, a little boy! Please! I'll do anything to make it up! Anything!
Anything, says you? Okee-dokee! Wallet.
Charlie
Uh, okay. I don't have much cash.
Oh, please! Don't insult me! [takes out driver's license] Charles Michael Collins. That's you! Tsk tsk, lousy picture, though. Lousy. Address, height, weight, blah blah blah. [tosses the wallet back and keeps the license] Righty-o, Chuckers! Here's the deal. I'll let you off if you promise to do a little favor for me.
Charlie
Okay. What?
I DON'T KNOW! I HAVEN'T THOUGHT OF IT YET! You just toddle on back to your mundane, meaningless little life, and when I need you, I'll call. Fair? Good? Great! I'll be in touch. [walks away laughing]
Charlie
Hello?
Charlie
Wrong number, pal. My name is Don.
Oh, no, no, no. This IS the right number, Charles Michael Collins. Oh, I don't know why you changed your name to Don Wallace and moved your family to 12 Marigold Lane, Springdale, Ohio. One might think you were trying to skip out on our little deal. [to Harley Quinn] Leave the sideburns.
Charlie
Uh... how did you find me?
Oh, I never lost you, Chaz. You've become my... HOBBY!! [laughs] Now, listen up, Charlie Brown. You're booked on the next flight to Gotham. Tell the family you have to visit a sick friend. Oh, and let's keep this to ourselves, 'kay? Bad things happen to people who gossip, capisce, Carlo? [Charlie looks out the window to see Joker's henchmen pull up to his house]
Charlie
Yeah...
You miserable little nobody! If I get caught, your wife and son are history!
Charlie
You're not getting caught. Not this time. I found this blown out of the van. [He pulls one of the Joker's bombs from his jacket] This is how it ends, Joker. No big schemes, no grand fight to the finish with the Dark Knight. Tomorrow, all the papers will say is that the great Joker was found blown to bits in an alley, alongside a "miserable little nobody". [chuckles] Kinda funny. Ironic, really. See? I can destroy a man's dreams too! And that's really the only dream you've got, isn't it?!
Look, Charlie, you've had a busy day! All this running around, all this excitement with...BATMAN! Stop! You... you're crazy!
Charlie
I had a good teacher! [chuckles] Say goodnight, Gracie!
NO! BATMAN! BATMAN! [sees Batman in the shadows, and gasps] How long have you been there?!
Long enough. Put it down, Charlie.
Charlie
You know he'll just escape again! This is the only way my family stays safe!
All right, you win! Take it easy! [gives his notebook to Batman] Here's everything on his blasted family - names, addresses, it's all there! You're no fun anymore, Charlie.
Charlie
Hey, Joker! [throws the bomb at the Joker, who hides behind Batman - only for the "bomb" to release harmless confetti] Gotcha!
[Batman lets out a short laugh]
Oh, very funny. A million laughs.
Charlie
Home. I never thought that could sound so good. I wonder what Bonnie's making for dinner. Right now, anything would taste great. Even meatloaf.
Batman: The Animated Series · 277 quotes
