Mr. Haney quotes from Arthur

Mr. Haney

What in Aunt Betsy is going on here?! [Kids complaining in arguing] Quiet, everybody! Now since this class is normally a well-behaved group of children, I'm going to give you an opportunity to work together to clean up this mess. But if you don't, you'll all be stayin' after school and I'll help you work it out. I'll be back. [He closes the door and sees the moldy sandwich stuck to it.] Yuck.

[walks to school the next day with his glasses on, goes behind a tree and comes out with no glasses, chuckles, arrives at school. He and Buster pass Mr. Marco]

Mr. Marco

Arthur, where are your glasses?

I lost them. At home I think. It's very harder than ever to see without my glasses.

Buster

Why didn't you just wear them?

I didn't need them. I know this school at the back of my own hand. Boy's room is the third door from this corner, right?

Buster

Yeah, right.

See, why didn't I need them?

Buster

See you in class! [walks on]

Mr. Haney

This is why I lock the exams, and...

Mr. Marco

Oh, well, the examination was better than I thought it would be. Still, in all, I think that we're going to have to go over...

[counts the doors but misses the one the teachers came out of] First door. Second. Third. [walks into girl's room by mistake and sees Francine and Muffy talking to each other]

Francine

I said, if I'm not batting cleanup, I'm not playing.

Francine?!

Aah!

What are you doing in here?!

Francine

This is the girls' room! Get outta here!

Huh?

Augh! It's a boy! Get him out!

Get me out of there!!

Augh! (he drops his lunch box) Uh-oh....

This doesn't look good, Mr. Haney...

Mr. Haney

It certainly doesn't, Ms. Tingley.

You mean, you think I STOLE THE QUARTERS?!

Mr. Haney

YOU WERE RESPONSIBLE FOR THEM, ARTHUR!

You certainly were!

Mr. Haney

If that money doesn't turn up, I'm afraid that you'll have to serve a day...

Week!

Mr. Haney

...a week of after school detention starting today!

And no picnic for you tomorrow!

Mr. Haney

Come in.

Buster

Mom, Grandma, what are you guys doing here?

Bitzi

It's nothing to worry about, dear. [sobs]

Mr. Haney

[takes out a lollipop and tissue] Really, Mrs. Baxter. It's not as bad as always is serious, very serious, but nothing a little elbow grease - A lot of elbow grease - Can't fix. Hopefully. Sit down, Buster.

Muffy

There he is! Arrest him! Arrest him and make him give it back! Lock him up and throw away the key!

Huh?

Mr. Haney

Now, now, Muffy, calm down.

What in Nirvana is going on?

Muffy

Arthur stole my cellular phone!

What?? Why would I? I did not!

Muffy

Did too, Arthur! Everybody knows you're the biggest gleeper in school.

Mr. Haney

Biggest what?

Gleeper. Someone who steals.

Muffy

Make him give it back, Mr. Haney! Torture him till he confesses! Send him up the river for life! He's a menace to society! Take away his TV privileges! Shave his head! Make him eat... Oh. Excuse me. Hello, Muffy here. Oh, hi, Mommy. Yes, I did remember to tell Mr. Haney about my manicure appointment Friday.

Mr. Haney

Arthur, could I see you in my office? Make yourself comfortable. I was rather upset when Muffy called you the biggest beeper... beeper, yes? In school. Lollipop?

No thank you, sir.

Mr. Haney

Now, I wouldn't want to take hearsay too seriously. If we believed everything we heard, we'd probably still think the world was full of monsters and sea serpents. And people would be afraid to go swimming, which would be a shame, since swimming is a perfectly good form of exercise. I do it myself, in fact. But bleeping, now that's something very serious, indeed. And if you have anything to do with it, I warn you to stop immediately because you will get caught. Then you'll be in deep trouble.

Yes, sir.

Mr. Haney

Did I say that right? Bleeping? Blurping?

Gleeping, sir.

Mr. Haney

Gleeping, of course. Now, run along, Arthur. You'll be late for class.

Mr. Ratburn

[enters the classroom] Sorry, I'm late. Let's jump right into work.

Mr. Haney

Bad news! The storm is getting worse, the buildings lost electricity, so the school is closed.

[reading] What I did was dumb and dangerous. It was also mean to all the Mighty Mountain kids who had been really nice to me. I'm very sorry and I'll never pull the fire alarm when there isn't a fire again. The end.

Mr. Haney

I'm glad you understand the seriousness of this offense, Binky. But I have to admit, I'm still baffled. Why did you do it?

I dunno...

Mr. Haney

Maybe you should talk to the school counselor about this.

But I said I was sorry! Can't you just punish me now?

Mr. Haney

Normally, you'd be suspended for something like this. But because of the circumstances, I have something else in mind.

Mr. Haney

I’m sorry, Alan, you can’t comin' here. We have only before the helped.

But I’m hungry.

Mr. Haney

?