David Read quotes from Arthur

Buster, don't make that noise, it's botherin' Kate.

Who's lost?!

Sue Ellen, what's going on?!

What can you see?

It was just blurry, Dr. Iris.

(puts in another lens.) Now what did you see?

A giant worm!

What?

Where?

Oh. (puts the small caterpillar on a potted plant and puts the lens back in the phoropter.) Is this better now?

Yeah, I could read it all!

You just need glasses, Arthur. And this is why you've been getting these headaches.

All you have to do is choose the frames you like.

[puts on aviator glasses] Cool! [briefly imagines himself standing in front of a jetfighter, tries on rectangular glasses] Hmm... Woo-hoo. (He tilts his head and his pupils roll along the rim of the glasses.)

These were nice.

Maybe I can try something else. [puts on futuristic glasses. He imagines he is standing on Mars. Behind him an alien wearing the same kind of glasses looks out of a UFO. They wave at each other, takes off the glasses and spots some round brown glasses.] Hey!

[reaches down for the glasses and puts them on Arthur] There.

These look wonderful, Arthur.

Very distinguished.

Really?

[starts crying]

Hmm? Arthur?

Do not talk to me! [slams the door]

[looks at a mirror in his room, takes off his glasses and his reflection becomes blurred.] Well, it was better than being called four eyes. If I lose them, no one can make me wear them. [aputs glasses into their case] I won't even know where they land. [puts glasses into a slingshot, and shoots] Good riddance.

[goes up to his room, only to find the glasses on his bed, gasps; groans in frustration] Uggghhh! [furiously takes the glasses and angrily throws them out the window, they land in Mr. Read's pile of leaves.]

Hmm?

[comes into the kitchen looking pleased. The he sees the case with the glasses on the table, gasps]

Arthur...

Don't worry, Dad. I'll work out all their schedules... somehow.

[screams as frogs hop around the bathtub] HELP!!!

D.W.?!

Uh-oh. Oh, no! The ant farm! No, Kate, don't! [Kate cries] Oh, no! Hey, wait! Hey! Where you going?! [steps on the cat's tail and the cat meows]

Huh?

Come here!

Arthur!

Arthur...

Arthur...

Forget calling him Puddles. How about Lake?

I'll clean it up, Mom.

[holding a pooper-scooper in one hand and Kate in the other] Then, you'll need this.

[holding a shovel] No, you'll need this!

Pal was in the living room too!

What on Earth?!

My catering schedules! [walks over]

[holding up a bar of soap covered in dog fur] What's this?! It's the soap from the bathroom!

You still think he's so smart?

Buster

He ate the whole living room?

He didn't eat it. Just chewed on it.

Buster

My puppy was so much trouble that my mother gave it away while I was at school.

Francine

Probably to a farm.

Want to hear a good joke? Knock-knock... [Pal grabs the hotdog and pulls her off her chair] Hey! The dog stole my wiener! The dog stole my wiener!

Arthur, tell Pal to let go!

Pal, let go! [Pal drags D.W. through the kitchen.]

It's mine It's mine!

Pal, sit! Heel! Stay! Lie down! Um... Roll over!! [Pal has got D.W.'s hot dog and as he runs around the kitchen, he pulls D.W. with him]

Give it back! I don't eat your dog food, do I?! [Pal pulls her under the table. Oof. They play tug-of-war.] Grr! I'll never let go! Never! Ow! [Pal pulls the hotdog out of the bun and she falls backwards, after Pal managed to get D.W.'s wiener and ate it] Someday, I'm gonna teach that dog a lesson he won't forget!

Cucumbers: yucky. Mushrooms: yucky. Onions: yucky and smelly. Wait a minute, this isn't lettuce. What kind of a salad is this?

Uh-oh. [singsong] She's going to pop.

This is spinach.

Is something wrong?

This is spinach, AND I...HATE... SPINACH!!! [everyone in the restaurant gasps and laughed] Uh-oh!

[fiercely] That's it, I quit.

No!

[sternly quietness] Dora Winifred Read. [cut to Arthur's house with Grandma Thora and Baby Kate]

Back so soon. Did you all have a good time?

D.W. just punched her salad and then exploded! [pauses, David and Jane disappointedly stared to him] All over the waiter. But everyone was looking at us.

THEY WERE NOT!!! Everybody was making this into such a big deal!?

[sulky] No restaurants for you, young lady, until you behave and learn to eat what's placed in front of you. Now go to your room.

Jane, please.

Well, what about Grandma Thora's birthday at the Once Upon a Restaurant next week?

D.W. will not be joining us and gonna kill me.

Oh. well, that's too bad. [sighs] Dinner without D.W. I guess we'll just have to suffer through it without her.

If D.W. couldn't come to the restaurant, I'd be just as happy coming over here for dinner.

What? And miss Once Upon a Restaurant?

It just wouldn't be a happy birthday, if D.W. isn't here.

[Jane and David is not maintaining and arguing in off-screen] But this was the best restaurant ever! This was unfair! But am I supposed to do everything with D.W., or what?

[after D.W.'s fantasy] What are you doing here?

The clock was broken and the time was stopped and I was just coming to warn you-

[to DW] Nice try, D.W., back to your room, now.

[goes backs upstairs to her room in walks, annoyed] Sheesh! You never have to treat me like a criminal.

Mom?

[concerned] What was it, now?

Well, are you sure my clock was working? Because I've really been in here for hours.

Your clock was workin' perfectlys. Go back to your room.

That's it. Well, I think I'll call Grandma's. But at least she loves me though. (In her imagination, David picks up the phone in the kitchen. Grandma Thora is phoning from her kitchen with D.W. sitting next to her eating cookies.)

Hello?

Son, this is your mother. What do you mean by punishing poor little D.W.?! (looks at D.W.) Eat up, lovey. You can have all the cookies you want. (returns to call) How can you do that. Look at this little angel. This child is perfect. (A halo appears over D.W.'s head) Punish Arthur. He's the real troublemaker.

Absolutely. Yes, of course, Mom. Arthur, go to your room and never come out!!!

[gulps]

I can't see! Move your head!

You're not the boss of me, Mr. Goopy.

D.W., please move your big, large, enormous, gopher-looking head.

[gasps] At least my head doesn't look like a football with glasses!

No, your head looks like a big meatloaf with raisins!

We'll be back at 10:30. Here's the phone number. The kids shouldn't need anything.

Mom! Arthur said my head looks like a watermelon except for the bad haircut!

She started it!

Catherine

I can handle it. Have a good time!

Thanks. Be good, kids!

She started it.

Catherine

I have a lot of homework, so why don't you two go play quietly at opposite ends of the house?

I ditch my room!

I wouldn't want to go to your stupid messy girl-room anyway!

Clammy clam-face!

Turtle-breath!

Catherine

Hey!!

I don't have turtle-breath! Smell!

Catherine

What's going on here?

He called me turtle-breath!

Catherine

Why are you in her room?

She took my red crayon.

I had to! It's a castle coloring book! There's a lot of bricks!

Catherine

D.W., give him his crayon. Arthur, go back to the den.

This isn't working because Arthur knows more words than me. Catherine, you're so smart. What's another word for "boring"?

Catherine

If you wanna know the words that mean the same as other words, you look in a thesaurus.

I can't read!

Catherine

I'll look it up for you.

You are tedious!

Huh?

I did it! I did it! I win! Yahoo! Yay!

Tedious, tedious... hey! Do you know another word for "annoying"?

Does the saurus have a word for someone who eats too much cake?

Catherine

You kids are really working on your vocabulary! I'm so impressed!

You are distended from eating cake. Plus you are both corpulent and adipose.

You are... vapid.

If I'm vapid, you're atrocious and heinous. I bet you don't even know what that means. I do.

Well, at least my initials don't stand for "dimwit".

Ha, Tommy Tibble came up with that and he's my age. You lose!

Oh, I know what you are. You wanna know what you really are? You're such a... Dora Winifred!

[gasps]

Dora Winifred! Dora Winifred!

Stop it! Stop it! Make him stop!

Catherine

Alright, bedtime!

[whines]

[smirks]

Arthur thinks he's so great.

Catherine

Now go to sleep, D.W.

I'm not gonna let him beat me.