“Skytanic” · Season 1, Episode 7
In this episode: Malory Archer (8), Lana Kane (6), Pam Poovey (6), Cheryl Tunt (5), Cyril Figgis (2), Mallory (1)
Pick one. Either A, I tell Lana what happened on that scratchy green office rug, or two, you get inside me.
Or C, maybe I just jam this mop into the engine and kill all of us.
I don't think that's how blimps work.
Darn! Right, we just sort of float around. Stupid, naturally safe helium.
But I am liking the jamming imagery... [She rips open her shirt] and the killing.
[To Pam, who's sitting nearby] And you are just going to sit there?
Yeah, until she tags me in!
So, you're ruining Cyril's life because, in your dream-the-impossible-dream world, it'll make Mr. Archer jealous?
Oh, Pamela, you read me like a poem.
Yeah? What's the poem gonna be about when Cyril snaps and murders you?
I don't know. World's gushiest orgasm?
Lana. Lana! LANA!!!
WHAT?!?
Danger Zone.
Cyril is already freaked out enough about us sharing this shoebox without you air-drying your unkempt bush.
Unkempt bush!? You're one to talk.
My vulva is a smoother than a veal cutlet!
What would you say if I told you your mother made a phony bomb threat just to get a free ride on a blimp?
I'd say that's fairly classic her.
CAP-tain LAM-mers!
Nice read, Velma.
You're driving Cyril straight toward another woman.
Cyril? With another woman? Mallory, seriously. Look at me.
[Cut to Cheryl in bed, with Cyril on top on her, having sex, with Cyril choking Cheryl]
Look at me! Look at and choke me! Oh, yes! Yes! Oh my God yes!
Oh, my God, what am I doing?
[on the toilet in the open bathroom] You're ruining your life, you idiot! And making it hard to drop a deuce.
Wow, you are just a dog in a manger.
I don't know what that means, Pam. I didn't grow up on a cheese farm.
Oh, for the-- It's called a dairy.
[Lana finds Archer running away from the bomb]
Where the fuck are you going?!
To get my turtleneck! I'm not diffusing a bomb in this.
The stock price could only go up, they said. Well guess what?
Uh... it didn't?
There's your bomber: Beardsley McTurbanhead.
God damn it! We're moving!
I know!
What happened to half an hour?!
I lied!
[Malory and Pam are standing over an unconscious Cheryl]
Cyril got in over his head and…
Jesus God, did he kill her?!
No, he ran from her to go confess to Lana. But then this one starts freaking out and...I kinda had to drown her in the tub.
So you killed her?
[Cheryl comes to, coughs up water and passes out again]
Apparently not. So...good news.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Archer pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
