Puppet Angel quotes from Angel

Angel

You're about as low as it gets, Knox, but you're a part of humanity. That isn't always pretty, but it's a hell of a lot better than what came before. [to Illyria] And if it comes down to a choice between you and him, then yes, I would fight for his life, just like any other human's. Because that's what people do. That's what makes us --

Angel

[to Wes] Were you even listening?

Angel

[about Buffy] How'd she ever fall for a centuries old guy with a dark past who may or may not be evil?

Let me tell you a little bedtime story.

Angel

But I'm not sleepy.

Once upon a time, there was a vampire. And he was the meanest vampire in all the land. I mean, other vampires were afraid of him he was such a bastard. Then, one day, he's cursed, by gypsies. They restore his human soul and suddenly he's mad with guilt. You know "What have I done..." You know, he's freaked.

Angel

Okay. Now I'm sleepy.

Yeah well, it's a fairly dull tale. It needs a bit of sex, is my feeling. So sure enough, enters a girl. Pretty little blonde thing. Vampire slayer by trade. And our vampire falls madly in love with her. But eventually the two of them, well, they get fleshy with one another. And the moment he- well, I guess the technical term is "Perfect Happiness". But when our boy gets there, he goes bad he kills again. It's ugly. So when he gets his soul back for the second time, he figures hey he can't be anywhere near young Miss Puppy-Eyes without endangering them both. So what does he do? He takes off, goes to L.A, to fight evil and atone for his crimes. He's a shadow, a faceless champion of the hapless human race. Say, you wouldn't have a beer of any kind here, would you?

Cordelia

So, um, are you still... 'Grrr'?

Angel

Yeah. There's not actually a cure for that.

We do things a certain way in LA. I keep my name out of the paper and I don't make waves. And in return I can do anything I want.

Angel

Can you fly? (proceeds to kick Russell out the window. Russell becomes dust. Angel turns and walks away, slipping Lindsey's business card in Lindsey's pocket) Guess not.

Angel

You might as well go home, Spike. The Gem of Amarra stays with me.

Spike

Why? Because you're 'Angel, Vamp Detective' now? I'm so scared. What's next? Vampire Cowboy? Vampire Fireman? Oh, Vampire Ballerina!

Angel

I do like to work with my legs.

Angel

Am I intimidating? I mean, do I put people off?

Cordelia

Well, as vampires go, you're pretty cuddly. Maybe you might want to think about mixing up the black-on-black a little, though.

Cordelia

We have to stand up to him.

Yeah, we're standing up. [They stand up.]

Cordelia

We'll just wait until he has his coffee. [Angel enters.]

Angel

Good morning.

Cordelia

Morning.

Morning. [Angel pours himself a cup of coffee, sips, and makes a disgusted face.]

Angel

Ehhh. What is this?

Cordelia

Last week's coffee. Think of it as espresso.

Angel

[supresses gag] I think my esophagus is melting.

Cordelia

What is stalking today like the third most popular sport among men?

Angel

'Fourth, after luge

Well, I don't know if I can help with the acting, but about the apartment?

Cordelia

What?

If you ever wanna, you know, spend one night away from the place? Maybe give me a call.

Cordelia

Well, stranger things have happened. No, wait--they really haven't. [Cordelia leaves and Doyle sits down in Angel's office.]

She's really something, isn't she? It's like wrestling a tiger just to get to know her. Tell me stuff.

Angel

What stuff?

About Cordelia.

Angel

Well, I... I know she can't type or file. Until today I had some hope regarding the phone.

Who's Aura?

Angel

I think she's one of Cordelia's group. People called them the Cordettes. Bunch of girls from wealthy families. They ruled the high school, decided what was in, who was popular. It was like the Soviet Secret Police, if they cared a lot about shoes.

Cordelia

Get this. I tried to call Doyle--I have sunk that low--and there was no answer. So here I am. Not that you were the last resort, it's just that I had nowhere else left to go. Roaches! Live ones, dead ones, all skinny feet and creepy antlers.

Angel

Antlers?

Cordelia

Oh my God, I wonder how many stowed away in that bag! Also? The water is all brown and spurty and not hot! I am dying for a shower. I actually smell. Smell me. I never smell. I didn't know I could. I'm just going to have to stay here until I find a decent place--however long that takes. And when I do, you're completely invited over. Hey, you can just dump my stuff on your couch. Or let me have the bed... whatever you feel good about. Also, my suitcase is still out in the hall.

No... no-no-no-no! Angel, man, how could you?

Angel

How could I what?

You knew I was crazy about her--and I was wearing her down, too. But no--handsome, brooding, vampire guy has to swoop in, all sensitive mouth and overhanging forehead! How about leaving some scraps for the homely-looking fellas who don't turn evil when they get some?

Angel

Cordelia stayed over because there's something wrong with her place. I was on the sofa.

Oh. That's okay, I suppose.

Kate

Now you're talking like a detective.

Angel

I am a detective.

Kate

Well, you see, the thing about detectives is, they have résumés. And business licenses. And last names. Pop stars and popes -- those are the one-name guys.

Angel

You got me. I'm a pope.

Angel

Make sure you cut off all the limbs and both heads this time. Remember to bury the parts separately. [tosses sword to Doyle] I don't want this thing coming back to life again.

Cordelia

That's it?

Angel

I'm gonna go clean out the nest. I'll see you back at the office. [he leaves]

Cordelia

Okay, am I wrong in thinking that a "please" and "thank you" is generally considered good form when requesting a dismemberment?

He appreciates us, in his own... unappreciative way.

Kate

Boy, I'm scared. And excited. And consumed with dread. And glad you're here.

Angel

I doubt even one of Little Tony's hired guns would try something in a roomful of cops.

Kate

What? Oh, that death-threat hanging overhead. No, I meant speaking in public. [starts across room toward her father]

Angel

What's that old saw? Picture your audience in their underwear?

Kate

[distractedly looks Angel up and down] Way ahead of you. [Angel catches up just as Kate stops in front of her father and kisses his cheek.] Happy retirement, Daddy.

Who's this?

Kate

This is Angel, he's a friend. Angel, this is my father.

Angel

Hello, Mr. Lockley. [they shake] Congratulations.

For what? All I did was live this long and not get shot.

Kate

Why do you do that?

Do what?

Kate

Pretend important things don't matter.

[eyes on Kate] So. Angel. [looks at Angel] How long you been seeing Katie?

Angel

We're, ahh, we're pretty new friends.

Well, good to see her out with a man. I was starting to wonder if she didn't lean in another direction altogether.