American Dad! quotes

527 total quotes

Principal Lewis: His eyes are red from smoking weed!
Steve: I really can't believe you're an educator, Brian...
Principal Lewis: Ehh... my job is really more administrative.

Reginald Koala (as he's getting arrested): They got me ya'll! WATCH MY BOAT!

Roger: Oh my God, another fey, pansexual, alcoholic non-human! I've been replaced!

Sign Hung Outside Stan's Restaurant By Roger: "Our Clumsy Cooks Have AIDS!"

Stan (as he bends a cross-dressed Roger over the table during the play): I'm gonna act the crap outta you!
(after Stan and Roger are arrested for public indecency)

Stan: "Bros before hos," Steve. Brothers before whores all day long!
Steve: And Mom is the whore in that scenario?
Season 7

Stan: ...and the number one dog on my fictitious dog list is Brian Griffin.
Brian Griffin (appears next to Stan with a martini in paw. Stares at Stan and scoffs): Uh, do I know you? (walks away)
Stan: Stop pretending I don't exist!

Stan: [simultaneously demomstrating with a rifle] Steve, shooting a gun is like being intimate with a woman. First, you inspect it to make sure it's clean. Then you grab it on the butt and jam the magazine in. If it doesn't fit, make it.

Stan: First of all, don't pretend you're married. It implies equality.

Stan: Francine, touch me.
Francine: What?
Stan: Touch me. It'll provide us with all the warmth we need. I saw it on Man vs. Wild. That feels amazing.
Francine: I'm not touching you.
Roger: I am.
Stan: That feels amazing.

Stan: He said meet his ass down here. So I met his ass down here!

Stan: That bathroom is amazing. A gold toilet? And I can't believe you have a servant just to wipe your butt.
Rusty: Um, I don't...
Stan: Oh, explains the attitude and why he did such a a slapdash job.

Stan: Then maybe later I'll introduce her to... THE THICK-NESSSSSSS!!

Stan: This is Sparta!
Roger: This is Sparta!
Stan: This is Sparta!
Roger: This is Sparta!
Jimmy: [off-screen] This is Sparta!
Roger: Shut up Jimmy, you don't know what we're doing!

Stan: What is this?
Roger: Your dream restaurant. Roger's Laotian Adventure.
Stan: What about my scale model?
Roger: Stan, it took quite a bit of doing...but I managed to wipe my butt with it.