All That · 665 quotes"It's time for the world's easiest game show, Simplicity! And here's your host, Dell Devine!"
"Welcome to Simplicity, the simplest game show in the whole world. Let's meet our contestants for today. From East Dakota, Linda Schnutzenberger."
"Hi!"
"And from Dallas, Canada...Larry Van Halen!"
"Whuh-sup?"
"Let's play Simplicity. The rules are simple. I'll ask a question. If you know the answer, press one green button and two red ones. If you don't know the answer, pull the lever and honk the horn. But if you hear this sound..."
(The buzzer sounds)
"...push a blue button, wait three seconds, then twist the purple knob. Whatever you do, do not touch the kazoo. Everybody ready?"
"Ready..."
"NO..."
"First question. What sport is played with a basketball?"
"Basketball!"
"That is correct!"
"Yes!"
"But you forgot to ring a bell."
"What bell?"
(The buzzer sounds)
"Basketball."
"Correct! Linda wins Round 1!"
"But, she didn't ring a bell."
"Yes, Larry. That's because after one contestant answers incorrectly, the other contestant can answer if they're eating a 12-foot party sub."
(Linda is revealed to be doing this)
"And now, it's time for Round 6!"
"Wha--Round 6? Can we go over the rules again?"
"No...next question. How many eggs are in a dozen?"
"Twelve."
(A fisherman enters, hitting Larry with a fish known as the large-mouthed spotted bass)
"Hey! What was that?!"
"You got the answer wrong. So you got slapped in the face with a large-mouthed spotted bass!"
"But...a dozen is twelve."
"But, in Round 6, all the answers are supposed to be divided by six, so the correct answer is two. Linda?"
"Nine."
"You're gonna get slapped with a fish--"
(The fisherman returns, and again he hits Larry with the fish)
"Why me?! The right answer was two!"
"That's because you are in Round 6. Linda is in Round 3. The rules are pretty clear, Larry."
"What are you not understanding?"
"A lot!"
And, since Linda won that round…Larry, you get kicked by two bears!
