Mr. and Mrs. Rempley. Have I ever met them?
Edith: No. Neither have I.
S3The Bunkers and the Swingers
What's this all about here?
Edith: Oh, I don't know. I won't know until tomorrow.
Archie: You know, you better keep a sharp lookout.
Edith: What for?
Archie: For the dingbat catcher.
Your letter said you was coming tomorrow night.
Ruth Rempley: I wrote the letter yesterday. So when I said "tomorrow", I meant today.
Edith: But I read the letter today. And when you read "tomorrow" today, tomorrow is tomorrow.
(opening a package of perfume) Chanel No.5! That's their highest number!
RRRuth Rempley
We were drowning. Swinging saved us!
Edith: I think I would rather have drowned.
S3Edith Flips Her Wig
First time in my life, I bowled a 227 game. Now what do you got to say about that?
Edith: I was arrested.
No dice to no psychiatrist!
Mike: Why not?
Archie: Anybody that goes to see a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined!
S3Mike Comes into Money
How was your day?
Mike: Well, it was rough, ma—
Archie: Wait a minute, she's asking me about my day, not yours.
Mike: Since when do you own the day? I had a day, too.
Archie: She's asking me about my day, right, Edith?
Edith: Yeah. I was gonna ask you, Mike, but I was asking Archie first. How was your day?
Archie: I don't wanna talk about it.
Lucky me. I got the only Polack who showers regularly.
Mike: Here's a dime, Arch.
Archie: Oh, a dime ain't going to pay for all your showers.
Mike: No, but it'll pay for yours.
If it wasn't for his Uncle Alex, Mike would be in Poland right now!
Archie: Out of respect for the dead, I ain't going to say nothing.
They don't like a guy like McGovern who's running around changing his mind all the time. They want a man like Nixon who don't change for nothing!
Mike: You're right about that, Arch. He keeps making the same mistakes over and over again.
Take your gorilla. Your gorilla wants his kid to grow up better than him too! But the kid grows up, and there he is, still a gorilla!
S3Flashback: Mike and Gloria's Wedding (Part 1)
MMike
Actually, your father is on his best behavior tonight. He only called me an "unbeautiful thing". Could've called me an "unbeautiful Polack".
Archie: The night is young, meathead.
(regarding Mike's Uncle Casimir) He's got two strikes against him from the start.
Mike: What do you mean by that?
Archie: Well, he's Polish, strike one... and, he's Polish, strike two.
All I'm saying is that I don't want to discuss no wedding arrangements with a substitute-ski!
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