A character in All in the Family
Played by Carroll O'Connor
All in the Family · 293 quotes
Most-quoted character in All in the Family: in 123 of its 293 quotes
Most scenes with: Mike (9), Edith Bunker (6), Gloria Stivic (3)
ArchieWhy don't you tell them (the Puerto Rican couple) about it? You speak their lingo, don't ya?
Hubert: What makes you think I speak their lingo?
Archie: Well, figured you learned some of it living up in Harlem.
Hubert: What makes you think I live in Harlem?
Archie: You look it.
Hubert: What makes you think?
ArchieLook at this, an all-bear band.
Edith: A naked band at Disney World?
ArchieWell, menopause is a tough time to be going through, especially for nervous types. So he prescribed these here pills.
Mike: Oh, good.
Archie: I gotta take three of them a day.
ArchieOh, she's all right, but for the next couple weeks, but you can't expect to see the regular dingbat flying around here. Till these here pills take effect, you're gonna be looking at super dingbat.
ArchieEdith... If you're going to have the change of life, you've got to do it right now! I'm giving ya just 30 seconds; now c'mon, change!
Edith: Can I finish my soup first?
ArchieDon't be bothering the U.S. government with the Constitution!
Mike: Why, you afraid the government might read it?
ArchieOh well. All that "best buddy" stuff... it's all for kids anyhow.
ArchieJust a minute, I'll tell them.
Mike: Well, you better tell the truth.
Archie: Forget the truth, listen to me!
ArchieThem Sicilians are famous for two things: Spaghetti and revenge.
ArchieWhat do they know about fur?
Mike: That's right, Arch. All we taught them was how to work with cotton.
ArchieNow, Mr. Davis, do you take cream and sugar in your eye?
ArchieCan you maybe give us a little preview of one of the songs you're gonna do?
Gloria: Oh, daddy. Mr. Davis makes his living entertaining. You're asking him to go to work.
Mike: Yeah, Arch. How'd you like to be a guest in somebody's house, and they say, "C'mon Arch, do some packing and lifting for us"?
ArchieI think that if God had meant us to be together, He'd have put us together. But look what He done. He put you over in Africa, and He put the rest of us in all the white countries.
Sammy Davis Jr.: Well, you must have told him where we were, 'cause somebody came and got us.
ArchieAll them old Bible people, they was always eating meat, soon as they found out eating apples was wrong... Goats, lambs—who the hell ever heard of sacrificing a head of lettuce?
Archie(on TV) Now I wanna talk about another thing that's on everybody's mind today and that's your stickups and your skyjackings. Which if that was up to me, I could end the skyjackings tomorrow.
Mike: (at home) You could?
Archie: All you gotta do, is arm all your passengers. Your skyjacker knows the passengers are armed, and then he ain't got no more superiorority there, he ain't gonna dare to pull out no rod. And then your airlines, they wouldn't have to search the passengers on the ground no more; they just pass out the pistols at the beginning of the trip, and pick 'em up again at the end. Case closed.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's All in the Family pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
