Archie Bunker quotes from All in the Family

Archie

all I've been hearing about is cling peaches, which is comin' out of my ears! Now don't say them two words no more! Now, how did you hit a car?

Edith: Well, that's where the... mmm-MMMM-mmm came in... You told me never to say them two words. (Continuing) You see, I was coming out of the supermarket with my basket full of mmm-MMMM-mmm. And there was Mrs. Duncan with her new baby. I took a peek in the carriage, but I couldn't see the baby too well, he was all...

Archie: Will you get on with the story?

Edith: Well, I knew I had to say something nice about the baby, so I went "Oh! Isn't that a beautiful baby!" And when I went "Oh!", the shopping basket got away from me, rolled down the hill and smashed into this parked car and scratched the fender. And then, this can of mmm-MMMM-mmm... in heavy syrup... jumped out and made a big dent in the hood!

(pause)

Edith: It was a freak accident!

Archie

This house is constructed way better than most of the new ones you see around today.

Mike: So are the pyramids, but who'd want to live there?

Archie: You would if they let you in for nothing.

Archie

I ain't gonna sell (the house).

Mr. Byrd: Oh? Did something happen to color your decision?

Archie

It's because of this depression, or recession, or whatever they're calling it.

Mike: Nixon calls it a recent upswing in the economic picture.

Archie

Can't you ask me an intelligent question?

Mike: I didn't want to confuse you.

Archie

So tonight on the Walter Cronkite news, guess who youse is going to see there. Just think of somebody you all know and love.

Edith: Marcus Welby!

Archie: Oh geez, when are they gonna come out with a pill for dingbat.

Archie

I told that CBS guy, I said, 'Listen, there's millions of guys like me in the country that really believe in President Nixon. God believes in him, too.'

Mike: You said that on television? God believes in Nixon?

Archie: Certainly. Billy Graham plays golf with him, don't he?

Mike: What does that mean?

Archie: That means God believes in Nixon.

Mike: Wait a second, Archie. Are you saying that Nixon rules because of divine right?

Archie: It's a damn sight better than your divine left.

Archie

Wait a minute... custard for them, what the hell do you call this?

Maude: It's my own invention: Cream Of Wheat with cheese... It's light, but it binds.

Archie: It looks like something I ate and lost.

Archie

You're in my chair, Maude!

Maude: So?

Archie: I wanna sit in my chair!

Maude: Oh?

Archie: Ya gonna get out of that chair?

Maude: NO!

Archie

This country was ruined by Franklin Delano Roosevelt!

Maude: You're fat.