“Pennsylvania 6-5000” quotes from ALF

ALF called again? What happened to William Tanner?

He is still in police custody.

Well, Tanner cannot be two places at once. Any idea who or what ALF is?

I found "Alabama Lunatic Fringe" and "American Laundry Federation".

OK, ALF, what is it?

He is indisposed.

ALF

The bathroom again?

No, Sale of the Century! Well, OK, give me one moment. Please hold. calling the president Sir, there is an ALF who needs to speak with you...Are you sure you want to take this?...Very well...returning to ALF...Go ahead ALF.

Hello?

ALF

Mr. President, I need to speak to you about the bombs.

Please do not mention Bedtime for Bonzo. I was under contract to make that!

ALF

Hey, um, I was wondering: what does 'FBI' stand for?

Willie

The Federal Bureau of Investigation. [Pauses, suspicously] Why?

ALF

Just curious. [Turns away]

Kate

Who am I gonna call at 4am?

Willie

I know it's not perfect, [takes the cardboard chart away from Kate] but it's a start. [opens the door and sees the FBI]

Howdy.

Willie

Hi.

Sorry to bother you like this, but I was wondering that Willie Tanner might be in?

Willie

Speaking.

Excellent.

FBI.

[turns around Willie] You have the right to remain silent.

Lynn

Daddy!

Kate

What are you doing?

Willie

Kate!

Brian

Mommy, make them stop!

Kate

[sees the FBI handcuff Willie] Please! Leave him alone.

We'll just be a minute. Let's go, pal.

We'll take this, too.

Willie

Not my chart!

Sorry for the trouble man. [pushes Willie out of the house as he is getting ready to be sent to jail]

Kate

Why are you doing this?

It's the law, ma'am.

This is what happens when someone threatens national security. [leaves and closes the door] Nice meeting you.

Willie

[from outside] Hello, Mrs. Ochmonek.

Lynn

Mom! What did he do?

Kate

I don't know.

ALF

What's going on out here?

Brian

Daddy's been arrested.

ALF

Boy! Those HBO guys mean business.

Kate

I can't believe ALF used your shortwave to call the president?

Willie

Shhh! All I know is somebody used my radio. I'm a criminal. They'll hang me.

Kate

Willie, stop! It's obvious your going to have to tell the truth.

Willie

Of course, the truth. I'll just explain to them. An alien took control of my radio. "And why did he do that?" they'll ask and I'll say "I wouldn't let him use the phone."

Kate

Maybe we can clear it up, without I'll him telling the truth.

Willie

The truth is I never should have let ALF anywhere near my-

Kate

Maybe it was wrong of ALF to call the president.

Willie

[sarcastic] Maybe?

Kate

Okay, it was wrong. But you have to respect his feelings about nuclear war.

Willie

It's commendable that he's willing to send me to jail for his beliefs.

Kate

At least he cares about something other than food.

Willie

Great. Now he cares about nuclear war and food.

[walks over to Kate] Sorry ma'am, I need a moment alone with the alleged traitor.

Kate

[walks away] Willie, I'll be right back. I'll check on the lawyer. You wait here. [reappears] Right, sorry. [leaves]

Good afternoon, ALF. I need to talk with you about this. Just who are these people and why all they on the phone all the time?