Hey! You guys! You own that Paddy's Pub. That's the skeeviest bar I've ever been to. You're a bunch of lowlifes!
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
SNAKES IN THE GARDEN!! You're criminals!
MMac
C'mon! Is it a crime to dump 100 gallons of baby oil in the Schuykill?
CKCharlie Kelly
And 500 Paddy's Pub t-shirts?
DDee
And a Cybertruck?
AAll
(together) YES!
DDee
Yeah, the judge thought so too.
FRFrank Reynolds
She's right. We're criminals.
Let me know if there's anything you need. And I mean "anything".
You're trash, you know that?
FFrank
Coming from the sheriff of trash!
[first lines]
Yeah, according to this, it could be the final tour. Moving from news to opinion, I hope she does perform live again, but I don't think she owes that to her fans after all she's given to us. You like Britney, Billy?
BBilly
No.
Oh. That about wraps up the Daily Jacob. Hey, how about that SEPTA strike, huh? You think that's gonna happen?
BBilly
Nah, it's usually just all talk.
Well, as a union man myself, I stand beside ya.
BBilly
Behind the line.
Yeah. I stand behind you. You know, the thing about Britney that people don't understand-
BBilly
Okay. This is your stop.
Oh, no. No, I’m- I’m not for, like, four more blocks. I'm with them.
BBilly
End of the line.
This is a block where I got roundhoused.
RJ, he's just... just your average kid, Billy. You know, he takes SEPTA just like you and me. So I'm gonna figure it out. And you know why, Billy?
BBilly
Oh, let me guess. Because it's your damn job?
You are such a good listener.
BBilly
Yeah, well, legally, I'm not allowed to wear headphones.
Oh! Time for news updates. (exhales sharply) Oh. Wow. That c- That can't be right. It says that SEPTA's demands went unmet, and they called the strike.
BBilly
That's news to me.
MMan
(over walkie-talkie) Attention, drivers. The city failed to meet our very reasonable demands. We will be going on strike. Stand by for further updates.
BBilly
Well, it looks like you gotta get out, Jacob.
Oh, my God. It- It's happening now?
BBilly
Yeah, seems that way. Yeah. Gotta stand by the working man. Can you do that?
Proudly. I believe in you.
WWoman
Do we got to get out?
Oh! How exciting! It's historic!
WWoman
Do we got to get out?
BBilly
No, no, no. You guys are good. Strike doesn't start 'til tomorrow. But for him, it starts today.
Wait! Billy!
[final lines]
I don’t answer calls from numbers I don’t know. Or numbers I do know.
I hate bosses. That’s why I became a principal, so I don’t have any.
You have bosses.
Point to them.
I plan on spending the rest of the day remote cleaning.
OSO'Shon
I’m working on upgrading the routers and putting in range extenders. Although, it seems like your router is already in great shape.
Everything about me is.
She can be the sun and the moon and the planets. She just can’t be the Milky Way because she’s lactose intolerant. Which I can relate because, uh, Milky Way? More like milk, get out of my way. Right?
MMan
It's been tough to be our neighbor. I am here to invite you to our golf course preview.
MMan
Are you finding everything to your liking?
No.
MMr. Morton
Can we glue some jelly beans on it?
Well, how many times have you seen jelly beans on a volcano?
I've never seen a volcano.
Neither have I, but I'm pretty sure there's no jelly beans on them.
Yeah, I don't know. It's just lacking, like, a "wow" factor.
Are you familiar with the Vegas Sphere?
No, but I think this is good.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Abbott Elementary pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.