Gregory Eddie quotes from Abbott Elementary

Gregory

Cancel classes and shut Abbott down.

Gregory

Fight night!

Gregory

We're going to the Please Touch Museum.

Gregory

What about the phones initiative?

Gregory

She's a goofgirl, you know.

Barbara

My youngest, Gina... She participated in a young-engineers program. It did wonders for her.

Janine

Mm.

Barbara

Looks good on a college application, too.

Janine

Mm-hmm. Hey, Gregory, what do you think?

Gregory

Oh, I think I've been here for like five minutes, so I don't really have a say.

Janine

After making many phone calls and pretending to slip on a beer can at the Flyers' arena, I've managed to get the only celebrity that matters to come surprise our kids on the first day of school. America's favorite orange, furry sweetheart, Flyers mascot, Gritty!

Melissa

Yes!

Janine

Yes!

Ava

You should've said that as soon as you stood up. No need for those other words you said. Yes, Janine!

Barbara

The kids are gonna love this.

Melissa

Yes!

Janine

I know, right?

Gregory

I don't get Gritty.

Gritty! Oh!

Ava

Ain't he cool? Look at him picking that belly-button lint. Celebrities! They're just like us.

Mr. Johnson

Gritty! My man! Your mom doing all right?

(squeaks)

Gregory

I get it now. I'm not not a fan.

(squeaks)

Jacob

And it's been almost a year, okay? It is beyond time that they reboot "Spider-Man" again.

Janine

Yeah, you're right. I love it. But who can replace Tom Holland?

Melissa

I'll tell you who... That little magical cutie, that Harry Potter.

Gregory

Daniel Radcliffe?

Melissa

Yeah.

Janine

Ava, have you seen a... Is this you?

Ava

Oh. That must have fell in there by mistake. Mind your business.

Gregory

What you looking for?

Janine

Uh, I lost something.

Ava

What? Your sense of style? Ha ha! Up top!

Janine

No.

Ava

You a hater.

Gregory

What'd you lose?

Janine

Uh, it was a shawl that was in my classroom. It was my warmest one. I am so cold. [CHUCKLES]

Gregory

You think someone took it?

Janine

Who would just take a shawl?

Janine

Yeah, they do. It's crazy.

Uh, my eighth-grade students and I will need the gym and a safety ladder next week.

Gregory

For a dunk contest?

No. We'll be doing the egg drop. Appreciate it if everyone can bring any eggs that they can spare.

Gregory

You don't want to stick around to see if Barbara drinks enough fun punch to do the heel­ toe?

Janine

Oh, no, I definitely do. But, um, I'm meeting Erika. So, I gotta go get ready.

Gregory

Oh. Leaving a school function early? That's new.

Janine

It is new. I am having a life outside of school.

Gregory

Well, that's nice. I'm also going out with some friends tonight.

Janine

Okay, cool. Well... I hope you have a good time, and enjoy your break.

Gregory

Yeah. You, too.

Janine

Yeah.

Janine

What was that?

Gregory

Nothing.

Janine

Did I see your last name on it?

Gregory

It's a flier for my dad's landscaping company.

Janine

Aww. Uh, is that your brother?

Gregory

No, I'm actually an only child, but apparently appearing to be a family business help: bring in customers.

Janine

That's... Sorry, so your... Your dad, he hired an actor to play his son instead of just asking you?

Gregory

Yeah.

Janine

I think I'm confused.

Gregory

You're not.

Ava

Well, he fine. Can I have your fake brother's real number? I'd like to climb that family tree.

Melissa

Single-file line, most flammable kids first, and remember... no running!

Ava

Everybody out! This is a real fire in the teachers' lounge! This is a real fire! This is not a drill! Hootie-hoo!

Janine

Wait, Ava, where are you going?!

Ava

I'm protecting my peace. The firefighters are almost here. Y'all got it!

Janine

Okay, real fire.

Gregory

Um, okay, um... A-Alright, two, three, four, five.

Janine

You guys up. Turn that way.

Hey!

Gregory

Hey.

Ooh. The weekend couldn't get here fast enough. Work was a lot this week. Very excited for a breather.

Gregory

I can't wait to show you what I have planned. We have snowshoeing, a coal jewelry workshop, and tree-ventures just to start.

I thought we were gonna be, like, relaxing... in a hot tub.

Gregory

We are, after the firewood harvesting forum.

Seems like you have a lot planned.

Gregory

That's the best way to relax... On a strict schedule.

Okay. Oh, boy. Okay. So, um, I don't think we're on the same page... again.

Gregory

Well, I'm on page nine. Where you at?

Gregory, put the book away. It's not really a book, but okay. I don't wanna do any of this.

Gregory

What do you want to do?

Nothing. I wanna do nothing.

Gregory

Okay. I hear you. I think I can schedule in some nothing time after the snow hike.

We need to talk.

Damn.