Mr. Johnson quotes from Abbott Elementary

Mr. Johnson

We used to be the Three Musketeers. But now I'm one musketeer, and they're just two, that don't invite me to things.

Mr. Johnson

Barbers. I hate 'em. Who do you think did this to me?

Mr. Johnson

No one's getting past me.

Mr. Johnson

I plan on spending the rest of the day remote cleaning.

Mr. Johnson

I'll be there. I like big butts, but someone out there thinks I'm lying about it. And I gotta set the record straight.

Mr. Johnson

I got a rule for y'all. You need to wait two hours between washes before you run that dishwasher in the lounge, or else.

Gritty! Oh!

Ava

Ain't he cool? Look at him picking that belly-button lint. Celebrities! They're just like us.

Mr. Johnson

Gritty! My man! Your mom doing all right?

(squeaks)

Gregory

I get it now. I'm not not a fan.

(squeaks)

Barbara

I know. I was like, "Mm!"

Melissa

You don't have to make a decision. Well?

Gregory

Well, what?

Melissa

What's with the hat?

Gregory

Oh, this? It's nothing.

Barbara

It's the loudest nothing I ever saw.

Mr. Johnson

Boy, you just can't mosey in here with a brand-new hat and act like you're not wearing brand-new hat.

Barbara

Ava! Your needed in the gym!

Melissa

Yeah, there's a bunch of teachers in there saying Princeton's better than Harvard.

Ava

OH HELL NO!

Melissa

Okay, we have like two minutes so can you please fill us in on the rest of this genius plan?

Barbara

Ava said she stopped listening to the Town Women.

Gregory

City Girls.

Barbara

But I know there's one song she cannot resist. Jacob, whip out the Walkman.

Jacob

Phone.

Barbara

Open up Napster.

Jacob

Spotify.

Barbara

Jesus, close your ears. Come on.

Ava

Princeton is the Temple University of the Ivies!

Barbara

Now Mr. Johnson!

Mr. Johnson

Let go of your butts!

Jacob

I did not have ringworm.

Janine

Jacob, we have to protect the entire school.

Jacob

This is not fair.

Barbara

The last time you washed your legs.

Mr. Johnson

I love you, Jacob. But I will beat you down.

Mr. Johnson

You're trash, you know that?

Coming from the sheriff of trash!

Gregory

The Please Touch Museum is for babies.

Jacob

What?! No way.

Melissa

It's like Disney World but for kids.

Barbara

Mr. Johnson loves it. He's decided to come with us.

Mr. Johnson

I don't wanna go there, it's for babies.