Barbara Howard quotes from Abbott Elementary

Barbara

SWEET BABY JESUS AND THE GROWN ONE TOO!!! MY DESKS HAVE BEEN DESKED!!!

Barbara

I just don't feel good about you giving out your address to strangers online. It's not safe.

Barbara

You and Jacob living together is I know it's God's will, but he's gotten awfully creative.

Barbara

Give me the ball. Three, four, five. And shoot!

Barbara

Book club was Ava's idea.

Barbara

I am the captain now!

Barbara

But we're gonna let them have their space because, clearly, they need it.

Barbara

Go ahead and sign in on the, the new iPad.

Janine

That is incredible, Ms. Howard. I can't wait to get on that level. Where is your class, by the way?

Barbara

Out in the hallway in a single file.

Janine

Really?

Barbara

Mm‐hmm.

Good morning, Ms. Teagues!

"Failure is a feeling long before it becomes an actual result."

Ava

Mm. I know that's right.

Can I have a break?

Ava

No, keep reading. It's just getting good.

Barbara

Mnh-mnh-mnh. Absolutely not. Let's go.

Ava

Come on, Barbara. You owe me an Audible membership.

Barbara

My youngest, Gina... She participated in a young-engineers program. It did wonders for her.

Janine

Mm.

Barbara

Looks good on a college application, too.

Janine

Mm-hmm. Hey, Gregory, what do you think?

Gregory

Oh, I think I've been here for like five minutes, so I don't really have a say.

Janine

Hey!

Melissa

Oh. I-I got... I got a conflict.

Janine

You don't know what it is yet. My class is putting on a step show next Friday. We made so much progress.

Barbara

Oh, we hear you in there, stomping the yard.

Melissa

Yeah, you sound like a regular Major Payne.

Janine

Yes, well, we are building something.

Barbara

I love a good step show. It's so good for the kids.

Janine

Right?

Ava

Who gave you permission to put this on my wall? Is this Comic Sans?

Janine

Oh! Dig on me.

Yes. Because, ultimately, she just wants me to be someone like you.

Janine

So... now is probably not a good time to talk about the parent-teacher con...

Barbara

No.

Janine

Okay. Right.

[walking in and hugging Jacob] Hey there's my guy!

Ava

BLACK!?

It's actually pronounced "Zack." You must be Ava.

Ava

You were all thinking it. I see you, don't look at me like that!

Barbara

We always look at you like this.

Barbara

Even in a world where Ava could put together a competent presentation...

Melissa

Mm-hmm.

Barbara

...it still does not change the fact that the Superintendent can't stand her and, by extension, us.

Melissa

The nerve on that guy.

Barbara

Yeah, well, maybe this will be the year where the school board finally awards me that Advancement Grant that I have been applying to for 10 years.

Melissa

They will if we make them. Just like a little... gentle arm-twisting.

Barbara

A little arm twist never hurt.