Tariq quotes from Abbott Elementary

Tariq

Alright. Well, uh, that's gonna bring Abbott's score to a negative-2 at the bottom of the first, y'all. Educator of the year, folks. Ugh. We are not just losing. We are getting smoked. You cannot lose a panel. This is like every other panel that's ever existed.

Tariq

Mm‐hmm. Mm‐hmm.

Janine

I left that, uh, bill‐organizer thing on the fridge.

Tariq

Mm‐hmm. Yeah. I'll get to it.

Janine

Okay. Yeah, but, no, I was just thinking, like, you'd get to it kind of soon because my name's on the lease and we were already late on rent once.

Jacob

Psst! I think we might just be able to nip this commercial in the bud. Melissa called in a favor.

Janine

And now you've made me an accessory.

Jacob

She's got a friend who's a lawyer.

Janine

Oh, fun. Okay.

Jacob

Yeah.

Mr. F. A. D. E.!

Tariq

Aw, yeah.

Barbara

Good morning. Good morning. (Gasps) Good morning.

Tariq

Good morning Mrs. Howard.

Barbara

Tariq.

Tariq

Huh?

Barbara

What are you doing here? Janine's down at the district now.

Tariq

Dang, she moved to D.C.?

Barbara

And take your presumably sticky hands off of my student.

Tariq

You mean take my definitely sticky hands off of my son.

Barbara

To quote Maury Povich, you are not the father.

Tariq

And to quote the hip-hop legend Shaquille O'Neal, his biological didn't bother. See, I've been dating his mama for like seven weeks, so technically, I'm a stepdaddy right now. Ain't that right, Tariq Jr.?

Tariq

My son was excited to read that book to me at bedtime.

Barbara

And why are you going to sleep before your son?

Tariq

I am sleepy.