“Jack Meets Dennis” quotes from 30 Rock

Dennis

Hi. Dennis Duffy, Beeper King.

Jack

The Beeper King, really?

Liz

Dennis has his own business. Yes, he's an entrepreneur. He's very successful.

Dennis

You've probably seen my ads on the seven train, right?

Jack

I didn't know they served chicken nuggets at this restaurant.

Liz

It's cod, it's uh, they made it special. Dennis has some dietary restrictions.

Dennis

Actually, I'm allergic to all fish unless it's fried, you know.

Jack

That's a sharp tie you've got there, Dennis.

Dennis

That douchebag up front made me wear it.

Jack

Does he know you're the Beeper King?

Dennis

I don't think so.

Liz

Anyway, thanks for the hook-up. This is clearly the nicest restaurant we've ever been to.

Dennis

Hold on a second, this place ain't that nice, alright. It's got rats and roaches like every other restaurant.

Liz

No rat talk tonight, okay.

Dennis

[to Jack] You know there are 17 rats per person in Manhattan. You eat a pound of rat crap every year without even knowing it, huh?

Jack

I think I read about that in The New Yorker. [pause] Um, anyway, we'll leave you two to your meal. I hope you enjoy the choices that you've made.

Tracy

I need to protect my reputation. You take away my street cred, and I am Wayne Brady.

Liz

Nuh-uh. Wayne Brady has three Emmys. You have a People's Choice Award that you stole from Wayne Brady.

Jack

Whenever I have a problem, I tackle it head on. A year ago I was an inch and a half shorter. Sheer willpower.

Liz

This is going to be a bad show.

Pete

Worse than that time we let Tracy do that tribute to August Wilson.

Liz

No, that was my fault. I should have made sure he knew who August Wilson was(closed captioning on Hulu has the line down as "Worse than that time we did that Gilbert and Sullivan parody")

Pete

Maybe we'll be pre-empted by some national news event. How's Gerald Ford's health?(closed captioning on Hulu has the line down as "Maybe we'll be pre-empted by some national news event. It's still hurricane season, right?")

Jack

Lemon, today's the first day of the rest of your life and what is the first thing you need to do?

Liz

I have to break up with Dennis.

Jack

And why is that?

Liz

Because he wears shirts with the Looney Tunes embroidered on them. Because he cuts his own hair. Because that one little nice thing that he does doesn't make up for the fact that I don't want to be seen with him in public.