Mary Cooper quotes from Young Sheldon

Missy

I can't die. I've only kissed one boy.

Mary

What?

Missy

Don't worry, it was years ago.

Sheldon

I see Quadrant 1 is red, Quadrant 2 is soft and plush, [sniffs] Quadrant 3 smells like lavender, and Quadrant 4 is overlaid with a Fibonacci spiral.

Mary

That's a dumb idea. We don't want Georgie to be like Georgie.

First of all, I want to thank you both for coming.

Mary

Yeah, yeah, what'd he do?

Uh, he didn't do anything.

George Sr.

Gosh, Tom, I want to believe you.

Okay, the problem is the curriculum here is not challenging enough for Sheldon. Now, he gets bored and maybe doesn't express himself in the most productive way.

Sheldon

[seeing how well-behaved and studious the Wilmont students are] What's wrong with them?

Mary

What are you talking about?

Sheldon

They're so quiet. Are they on medication?

Mary

No. They're just smart like you.

Sheldon

I've been going to school in a zoo.

George Sr.

[quietly to Mary] Not too sure about these uniforms. Kinda froufrou.

I must tell you, in all I've been here, I have never seen such glowing letters of recommendation from a student's teachers.

George Sr.

Well, that's real nice to hear.

Now, listen to this: "Putting aside his superior intellect, Sheldon is a delight to have in the class. He's fun-loving, easy to get along with, and always ready to help another student."

Sheldon

That doesn't sound like me at all.

Mary

Sure it does, sweetie.

Mary

No. What on earth?

Sheldon

Hello.

Mary

What are you doing?

Sheldon

I made a real germ-proof hedge of protection.

Mary

Oh, honey, you can't stay in there.

Sheldon

I've got a refrigerator, I've got my sleeping bag, and anything else I need I can make out of Legos.

Mary

What's with the Halloween costume?

Sheldon

In case of a breach.

Mary

Stay right there.

Sheldon

That's my plan.

Mary

You need to come home with me.

Sheldon

No. I'm working.

Mary

There is a tornado watch. Let's go!

Oh, come on, Mary. We've had a watch every day for 2 months, nothing ever happens.

Sheldon

I think you're just worried I'm earning the money to send in my college application.

Mary

I am worried it is not safe out here. Let's go!

Sheldon

I can worry about my own safety, thank you.

Mary

I don't care if you think you're an adult. I'm your mother, and you will do as I say.

Well, that ain't good.

Mary

You believe me now? Mom?

Sheldon

Oh, Meemaw, no.

Mary

Hey, who are you calling?

Sheldon

Dr. Sturgis.

Mary

Why?

Sheldon

I saw Meemaw get in the car with Mr. Rosenbloom.

Mary

(distorted voice) No...

I don't know if it really happened this way, but to my 9-year-old mind, my mother was flying.

George Cooper Sr

I may have a better job.

Mary

In Oklahoma?

Mary Cooper

Care to explain yourself?

Sheldon Cooper

I was trying to motivate Missy to expand her intellectual horizons.

Mary Cooper

By torturing her Cabbage Patch doll?

Sheldon Cooper

Well, it's not like I shocked her with electrodes, which was an option.

Mary Cooper

Enough.

Sheldon Cooper

To be clear, I meant to shock Missy, not the doll. That would be an effect--

Mary Cooper

ENOUGH! And you! Getting baptized just to kiss a girl?! What were you thinking?!

Georgie Cooper

Sounds like you know what I was thinking.

Mary Cooper

Well, you are both grounded!

Missy Cooper

"Dear Alf, I'm your number one fan. I like you because you're an alien but you're funny, unlike my brother who's an alien but just a jerk. Anyway, I hope you're enjoying your time here on our planet and have found things to eat other than cats. I recommend chicken nuggets. Sincerely, Missy Cooper, age 10."

"P.S. My favorite color is pink. What's yours?" Ha. What a cutie pie. Hey, hey, Barbara, we got any more of those pink T-shirts with my face on them? I want to send one to this Missy Cooper kid. Oh, oh, and get me some chicken nuggets, huh? Hello? Anybody out there? Apparently not. Barb!

Mary Cooper

You know that Veronica Duncan girl?

George Cooper Sr

The one that Georgie likes?

Mary Cooper

Yeah. I was thinkin' about havin' her stay here for a couple days.

George Cooper Sr

Wh-, is it Georgie's birthday or somethin'?

Mary Cooper

No! She's just havin' a rough time at home.

George Cooper Sr

[takes a sip of his beer] What's goin' wrong?

Mary Cooper

Her mother's boyfriend has a drinkin' problem, and things have been gettin' out of hand.

George Cooper Sr

You waited 'til I had a beer to tell me this story, didn't you?

Mary Cooper

You always have a beer.

Mary Cooper

How's it going, baby?

Sheldon Cooper

I don't think anyone's showing up, not even Tam.

Mary Cooper

I'm here.

Sheldon Cooper

Yeah, but you're my mom. You live on the premises. At least Dr. Sturgis should be here any minute.

Mary Cooper

Shelly, I'm afraid Dr. Sturgis isn't coming this morning.

Sheldon Cooper

Why not?

Mary Cooper

He isn't feeling well.

Sheldon Cooper

Oh, dear. Should we send him a get well card?

Mary Cooper

I think that'd be terrific.

Good morning and welcome to the Royal Swedish Academy of Sciences.

Sheldon Cooper

The announcements are starting.

Mary Cooper

You want me to stay?

Uh, The Academy has concluded its meeting and we are ready to announce this year's...

Mary Cooper

I'll be in my room if you need me.

As usual, I will read the announcements first in English, then in Swedish, then the citation in German, French, and Russian. And this year's Nobel Prize in Physics is awarded to...

Sheldon Cooper

Come on, neutrinos.

...Henry Kendall, Jerome Friedman and Richard Taylor for the discovery of quarks.

A primary feature of quarks is that they're always bonded together, but in that moment, I felt like a neutrino, destined to be alone forever. Thankfully, I was wrong.

Sheldon Cooper

You think *I* have mental problems?

Mary Cooper

Well, not "problems". I'm just worried about your future. And when I see you moving sub-atomic particles around in the air, that makes me...

Sheldon Cooper

Sub-atomic particles are real! You talk to an invisible man in the sky who grants wishes. If anyone's mental, it's you!

Sheldon Cooper

Good news. I found a way to take a break from science.

Mary Cooper

That's great. What is it?

Sheldon Cooper

A fantasy book series called "The Lord of the Rings".

Mary Cooper

It's got "the Lord" in it. That's something.

Mary

Okay. Dr. Sturgis will be joining us for dinner.

Sheldon

Hot darn.

Missy

That guy's back.

Georgie

I thought he was in the nuthouse.

Mary

We do not call it that!

Georgie

That's what dad calls it.

Mary

And that's why I made him sit. We need to make sure that Dr. Sturgis feels comfortable.

George

How are we supposed to do that?

Mary

For starters, do not bring up his time in the hospital.