Missy Cooper quotes from Young Sheldon

Missy

What?!

"I've always loved trains. In fact, if my career in theoretical physics hadn't worked out, my backup plan was to become a professional ticket taker. Or hobo. And when I figured out that trains allowed me to prove Newton's first law... An object in motion stays in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force... I felt like Neil Armstrong on the moon, alone and happy."

Mary Cooper

Shelly, dinner's ready!

"I don't care how dimwitted you are. Scientific principles have to make you smile. Of course, nobody I knew in East Texas in 1989 cared about Newtonian physics. The only Newtons they cared about were Wayne and Fig."

Missy Cooper

Sheldon, if you don't get in here, I'm gonna lick your toothbrush.

Sheldon Cooper

Coming!

"That's my sister. And she's done it before."

George Cooper Sr.

Hey, what the hell are you doing out there?

Mary Cooper

George, language.

George Cooper Sr.

What language? So?

Sheldon Cooper

I was exploring dimensional kinematics.

Georgie Cooper

Admit it, he's adopted.

Sheldon Cooper

How can I be adopted when I have a twin sister? Think, monkey, think.

Mary Cooper

That's enough. No one's adopted.

Missy Cooper

I wish I was.

Mary Cooper

That can still be arranged.

Missy Cooper

[in church, listening to a sermon about 'evil thoughts'] I'm having an evil thought right now.

Sheldon Cooper

What?

Missy Cooper

"I'm going to kick you in the balls when we get home."

Georgie

I'm driving to the hospital. You can come with me or stay here, up to you.

Missy

I'm coming.

Georgie

Sheldon?

Sheldon

You're 14. You don't know how to drive.

Georgie

I drove a tractor at 4-H camp. It's the same thing.

Sheldon

But you sat on the farmer's lap.

Georgie

Then stay here. Come on, Missy.

Sheldon

(He suddenly hears Meemaw snore, and turning. Afraid he's gonna be blame for the runaway, Sheldon decides to join George and Missy).

Georgie

Dang it.

Missy

Are you aiming for them?

Georgie

Everybody just shut up. I got this.

Sheldon

Oh, no. We're going to jail.

Missy

Georgie's going to jail. I'm saying I was kidnapped

Sheldon

That's a good plan. You and I were kidnapped.

Georgie

If I'm going to jail, we're all going to jail.

Sheldon

Oh, you'd better pull over.

Georgie

Oh, thank god.

Sheldon

Well, don't just sit there. Follow it.

Georgie

Why?

Sheldon

It's an ambulance. It's going to the hospital.

Georgie

Hang on.

Missy

How about i put the radio on real low.

Georgie

Shut up.

Fun fact: The first time I almost died was at the age of nine. The murder weapon: A Jimmy Dean sausage.

Missy

Mom, Sheldon's making faces at me.

Mary

Sheldon?! Honey!

In fairness to Mr. Dean, this one morning I decided to forego my normal twenty chews per bite, as prescribed by the American Medical Association.

Mary

George, help!

George

[bending Sheldon over his knee] Come here, boy. We got it. We just got to smack it out. [He smacks Sheldon on the back]

To further complicate matters, in any real life crisis, my family's default mode is mindless panic.

Missy

[from the comfort of the breakfast table] Sheldon's gonna die! Sheldon's gonna die!

Or heartless apathy.

George

Here we go. This is how you do it. Here we go. And shake.

It's interesting, the things you think about when life is ebbing from your body. For instance, linoleum. What is it, really? Plastic? And if so, how is it from Formica?

Mary

I'm calling 911.

And what about Count Chocula? How is he a count? Did the title come with land?

Mary

George, Heimlich! [George puts the boy on his feet and does a heimlich maneuver] Don't hurt his little ribs!

They say in the final moments, your life passes before your eyes. All I saw was my brother licking jelly off the knife, and putting it back in the jar.

Mary

Okay, it's better now. Sheldon! Honey, are you okay? Can you breathe? Say something!

Sheldon

You have to... throw away... that jelly!

Missy

I can't die. I've only kissed one boy.

Mary

What?

Missy

Don't worry, it was years ago.

Missy

I'm bored.

Hey! Someday, someone will write a book about Sheldon. Don't you want a chapter in there about how loving and supportive you were?

Georgie

What's the point? I ain't never gonna read it.

Sheldon

I decided to become an actor!

Missy

Methalone act normal.

Sheldon

Did you kill it?

Missy

You tell me.

Sheldon

Family conflict has been observed.

Missy

What are you doing?

Sheldon

Are you going to talk the whole time?!

Missy

It seems to be annoying you, so? Yeah.

Missy

He's an old man.

Sheldon

I'm not an old man.

Mary Cooper

Care to explain yourself?

Sheldon Cooper

I was trying to motivate Missy to expand her intellectual horizons.

Mary Cooper

By torturing her Cabbage Patch doll?

Sheldon Cooper

Well, it's not like I shocked her with electrodes, which was an option.

Mary Cooper

Enough.

Sheldon Cooper

To be clear, I meant to shock Missy, not the doll. That would be an effect--

Mary Cooper

ENOUGH! And you! Getting baptized just to kiss a girl?! What were you thinking?!

Georgie Cooper

Sounds like you know what I was thinking.

Mary Cooper

Well, you are both grounded!

Missy Cooper

"Dear Alf, I'm your number one fan. I like you because you're an alien but you're funny, unlike my brother who's an alien but just a jerk. Anyway, I hope you're enjoying your time here on our planet and have found things to eat other than cats. I recommend chicken nuggets. Sincerely, Missy Cooper, age 10."

"P.S. My favorite color is pink. What's yours?" Ha. What a cutie pie. Hey, hey, Barbara, we got any more of those pink T-shirts with my face on them? I want to send one to this Missy Cooper kid. Oh, oh, and get me some chicken nuggets, huh? Hello? Anybody out there? Apparently not. Barb!

Missy

Cheers.

Sheldon

Cheers.

George Cooper Sr

Why can't you read who won in the newspaper?

Sheldon Cooper

I could say the same thing about the Super Bowl, but you still watch it.

Missy Cooper

He got you there.