Mary Cooper quotes from Young Sheldon

Mary

Good morning, CeeCee.

Mary

Absolutely not.

Mary

Oh, babies.

Mary

Lord, I know everyone thinks I'm being foolish giving money to Reverend Travis, but why wouldn't you want us to be prosperous?

Mary

Oh, Shelly. You got a package from your little friend.

Mary

What is it?

Mary

Unbelievable!

Mary

Sheldon, they're gonna close the casket, if you wanna say goodbye to your dad.

"I've always loved trains. In fact, if my career in theoretical physics hadn't worked out, my backup plan was to become a professional ticket taker. Or hobo. And when I figured out that trains allowed me to prove Newton's first law... An object in motion stays in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force... I felt like Neil Armstrong on the moon, alone and happy."

Mary Cooper

Shelly, dinner's ready!

"I don't care how dimwitted you are. Scientific principles have to make you smile. Of course, nobody I knew in East Texas in 1989 cared about Newtonian physics. The only Newtons they cared about were Wayne and Fig."

Missy Cooper

Sheldon, if you don't get in here, I'm gonna lick your toothbrush.

Sheldon Cooper

Coming!

"That's my sister. And she's done it before."

George Cooper Sr.

Hey, what the hell are you doing out there?

Mary Cooper

George, language.

George Cooper Sr.

What language? So?

Sheldon Cooper

I was exploring dimensional kinematics.

Georgie Cooper

Admit it, he's adopted.

Sheldon Cooper

How can I be adopted when I have a twin sister? Think, monkey, think.

Mary Cooper

That's enough. No one's adopted.

Missy Cooper

I wish I was.

Mary Cooper

That can still be arranged.

George Cooper Sr.

(Sheldon's new friend is having dinner with the Coopers) So, uh, Tam... what kind of name is that?

Tam

Vietnamese, sir.

George Cooper Sr.

Sure. I spent a little time over there. Army. Your Mom's name isn't Kim Lee, is it?

Tam

No, sir.

George Cooper Sr.

[seeming relieved] Good, good. I mean, yeah. It's a small country. So... Mary, how's that food comin'?

Mary

[from the kitchen] Almost.

Georgie Cooper

So, Viet Nam. Like in Rambo.

Tam

Yes.

Georgie Cooper

That's a cool movie.

Tam

Yes.

Georgie Cooper

Are you in it?

Tam

No.

Mary Cooper

All right, Tam. I decided I was gonna make you a real Texas dinner: bar-b-que chicken and brisket.

Tam

Thank you.

Mary Cooper

Well, I figured you were probably tired of stuff wigglin' around on your plate. OK, let's say Grace. Now, Tam, when I say 'Jesus', feel free to say the word 'Buddha' in your head.

Tam

I'm actually Catholic.

Mary Cooper

Oh. Well, that's too bad.

Mary

What took you so long to answer?

Powdering my nose. What's it to ya?

Mary

Sorry I asked. Just want to give you an update.

Y...what's going on?

Mary

They wanna to run some test. They're gonna hold him overnight.

Oh, well. That's, that's nothing to worry about. That's just precautionary.

Mary

How are the kids?

Oh... they were a little worried. But I handled it.

Mary

They're sleeping?

Um, yeah yeah. You bet.

Mary

Thank's again for helping.

Oh hey, these are my grandchildren. They are my blood.

Mary

Okay, I'd better go.

Okay, we'll talk later.

(Hangs up the phone before she realize about the letter in the table. As she open it, it's shown that Sheldon is telling him about their runaway).

Son of a bitch. I hate those kids.

Fun fact: The first time I almost died was at the age of nine. The murder weapon: A Jimmy Dean sausage.

Missy

Mom, Sheldon's making faces at me.

Mary

Sheldon?! Honey!

In fairness to Mr. Dean, this one morning I decided to forego my normal twenty chews per bite, as prescribed by the American Medical Association.

Mary

George, help!

George

[bending Sheldon over his knee] Come here, boy. We got it. We just got to smack it out. [He smacks Sheldon on the back]

To further complicate matters, in any real life crisis, my family's default mode is mindless panic.

Missy

[from the comfort of the breakfast table] Sheldon's gonna die! Sheldon's gonna die!

Or heartless apathy.

George

Here we go. This is how you do it. Here we go. And shake.

It's interesting, the things you think about when life is ebbing from your body. For instance, linoleum. What is it, really? Plastic? And if so, how is it from Formica?

Mary

I'm calling 911.

And what about Count Chocula? How is he a count? Did the title come with land?

Mary

George, Heimlich! [George puts the boy on his feet and does a heimlich maneuver] Don't hurt his little ribs!

They say in the final moments, your life passes before your eyes. All I saw was my brother licking jelly off the knife, and putting it back in the jar.

Mary

Okay, it's better now. Sheldon! Honey, are you okay? Can you breathe? Say something!

Sheldon

You have to... throw away... that jelly!

Mary

GEORGIE, *TURN THAT DOWN!*

Georgie

What?!

Mary

[?] ?

Georgie

I'll get to it later.

Mary

?

Georgie

I don't feel like it.

Mary

[?] Random

Georgie

My room bothers you so much, you clean it.

Mary

[pause; ?] That's...it! You're grounded! Do you hear me?!