Someone said "Ah, that's just vampire blood," and then saw the open wound from which the blood was flowing. I've still got that shirt, Jimmy, and I remember thinking, "Wouldn't it be nice if I could do something in my life where I could do this all the time?" Get that attention every night... stockbrokers can't do it... teachers can't do it... the President of the United States can't bleed for a living... but pro wrestlers can. It's the first time that I realized that I had a calling in my life, and I followed it right down the line. That's all I wanted to do. My brother and I watched them all. Chief Jay Strongbow... Bruno Sammartino... the Valiant Brothers, that's what we wanted to be. Then I broke his nose by backdropping him into his bedroom wall, and mom said "no more wrestling." But she didn't say "no more dreaming."
S1 E15Unfinished Business
You know, I wanna tell my son, when he gets to be fifteen, not to be the guy who eats strange things. I never exactly brought it upon myself. Other people and their cliques, for lack of a better word, they would gang up on me because I was different, because I acted different, looked different. They were throwing worms at me, Jimmy. Little wiggly worms they were throwing at me. Bending down in athletic class, doing my hurdler's stretch, and there was a bombardment of worms being thrown at me. So what do you do to retaliate? Do you throw the worm back, at seven or eight people? It's not the fact they were hurting me, they were wounding my pride. They were looking at me like I was garbage. So I picked up the largest specimen, Jimmy, and I sucked it down! To show them that their attempt to hurt my pride would not be successful... I thought, Jimmy, that I had shown them. But then sure enough, the story became exaggerated as everything in life does, and it no longer became, "Well, Mickey Foley ate one worm because some kids were picking on him." It became, "Mickey Foley eats a plateful of worms every day." Do you think I got many dates after that, Jimmy?
Probably not.
Do you think girls wanted to kiss a boy who had worms on his breath? I'm a good kisser, but I never got the chance to show it! What am I gonna do, practice on myself, Jimmy?! I never had the chance to show the world that I could love and could be loved, because they ruled me out because I had a strange appetite for strange things! I'm not gonna say I didn't accept money to eat other strange things, but the fact is the damage had been done, and I went through my entire high school days without date number one! You don't think that scarred my soul?! Well, maybe you're not looking deep enough!
It was 1983, and upstate New York, with its endless rolling fields, might be a nice place for a lot of boys. But not when Jimmy Snuka and Don Muraco were in a cage in October in Madison Square Garden, that's where I wanted to be! I didn't wanna ride horses along a field, I didn't wanna fish for trout in a stream, I wanted to be where the blood and guts were, Jimmy. So I put out my thumb, Jimmy, and it took me sixteen or seventeen hours, but I made my way up to the Garden. It took just about all the money I had in the world, but I got a front row seat. And I saw the move that would change my life, when Jimmy Snuka came off the top of the cage, and I saw people stand up, and I saw people cheer, and I know I wasn't the only person who's life was changed in that arena. And I realized, Jimmy... that I wanted to do the same thing. I wanted to hear people cheer for me because of some act of bravery that I committed. I wanted to hear and see people's emotions, I wanted to see children cry out of-- out of love for me, the things I could do inside a ring. That's my first time in Madison Square Garden, and my parents weren't there. I did it just like I've done just about everything else in my life, all by myself.
I made a movie when I was eighteen, about myself, maybe as a type of escape, where I was a wrestler. And it's strange, the first time I ever met Shawn Michaels... you know him?
Oh, yeah. Very well.
He looked at my scarred and battered body. He didn't know me, but he knew the legend of who I was before. And he said, "Is this the way you always envision yourself?" Looking somewhat down on me. And I said, "No. You know, the strange thing is I always imagined myself being you." And he said, "You mean the champ?" I said, "No. I mean, the girls... jewelry... the tattoos... the love." So in my movie, I was not Mick Foley, I sure as hell wasn't Mankind, I was Dude Love.
[footage of "Dude Love" is shown]
We are gonna tear this rotten apple to its stinking New York core! And while we're here, we're here for only one reason, one reason only! Fame, honor, fortune, glory, to destruct, to destroy, and to take that WWF championship belt, that World Wrestling Federation championship belt...
And during the course of the movie, dating back to my experience at Madison Square Garden, I decided I was going to do something heroic. I was going to do something that would make people cheer for me. So, I ascended up onto my friend's roof, and I dove off.
I knew I wasn't ready to be Dude Love yet. I never wanted to be Cactus Jack. I figured, "Here is a horrible name for a horrible wrestler. And by golly, as soon as I get the ability, then I'll get that heart-shaped tattoo on my chest. I'll put those ear rings in, and I'm gonna get the girls." And it never really worked out that way, did it, Jimmy?
Not quite.
I guess nature didn't cooperate with me. Cactus Jack was supposed to be around for three months... he stayed for eleven years.
"Well, we're gonna have to go back a few years, Mr. McMahon. About 20 years to be exact. We're talking about a little funeral home, sitting up on a hill – beautiful old trees all around – and a wonderful, wonderful family-owned funeral home. The family lived upstairs. The father was a mortician who ran the funeral home. The mother was the secretary, the receptionist. But there were two little kids there. One kid was a little red headed punk. And then there was a second kid – a sweet little kid named Kane. Now I was the apprentice at the funeral home. I worked under the red headed punk's father, who by now you properly know as The Undertaker. The Undertaker's father was a mortician of excellence. He told me everything I know. He told me the correct way to prepare a body for burial, how to do the make-up, how to deal with the families. He told me from A to Z. But while I was working on the funeral home, I've seen a lot of things going on, that shouldn't been happening.
This little red-headed punk, there was nothing funny about him. He had a look in his eye – the look of the devil! It was the devil's see if you know what I mean. What was so sad about the whole situation, is that poor little Kane, the little brother followed The Undertaker around everywhere he went. The Undertaker was little Kane's hero. Anything The Undertaker did was fine. It went on for about two years, my apprenticeship. I was at the college that night taking courses at Mortuary Science at the same time. The Undertaker and Kane would run around the funeral home like wild men. They had three reigning properties. They'd sneak out behind the garage. I'd see what they were doing. Their mom and daddy wouldn't see what they were doing but I saw what they were doing. I saw them, taking chemicals out of the embalming room in that funeral home. I saw them sneaking behind the garage, smoking cigarettes - when they were little kids.
But you know, one particular afternoon I was leaving to go to school. As I backed my car out of the funeral home, I looked behind and who do I see? That red head devil-seen Undertaker with his little brother. Something wasn't funny – it ain't. Something didn't seem right. But I went ahead and to the drive way, went to school. I came back from school about ten o'clock that night. And what do I see? I see fire trucks. I see ambulance. I see steam and smoke and I see that funeral home in ashes. Someone burnt down the funeral home. Inside that funeral home was this lovely family that took care of me. I looked over to the bushes. Who did I see in the bushes but The Undertaker? Undertaker, you burnt the funeral home to the ground. And along with the funeral home, you killed your parents. You killed your family, Undertaker! I know it. I've had to stick that on my inside all my life – 20 years. You've killed them. Undertaker, you are a MURDERER! YOU ARE A MURDERER! YOU'RE A GOD-DAMN MURDERER!
A few weeks ago, I was told ‘America: love it or leave it.’ Well, I’ve traveled all around the world, I’ve been all over the United States of America, and the one thing that I’ve in particular looked forward to is loving leaving it!
[after Stone Cold Steve Austin defeats Hunter Hearst Helmsley thanks to interference from Mankind, whom Helmsley hit in the head with a steel chair. Austin grabs a microphone]
This could be damning.
I hope he doesn’t say anything to the Canadians.
Get your ass up, you long-haired freak!
He’s talking - he’s talking to, to Mankind.
There ain’t no way one chair can keep your ass down, get in the ring! [Mankind crawls into the ring] You come out here every week, saying “Pick me, Steve! Pick me, Steve!”. I’ll lay it on the line for you, you piece of trash: I don’t like you one bit! But I’ll damn sure go to war with you, if that’s what you want. All you gotta do is shake my hand, and we’re a tag team.
Whoa!
Well, I guess the man with the personality of a rattlesnake is softening a little bit.
Finally Mankind gets what he wants!
All Mankind ever wanted was to be accepted.
[Mankind outstretches his arms]
He don’t want a handshake, he wants a hug!
[Mankind and Austin share a big hug]
I can’t believe it. Another moment in the WWF. Mankind, now a partner - [suddenly Austin gives Mankind the Stone Cold Stunner] - oh!
No! No! Not the Stunner! Damn him!
DTA, you stupid piece of trash! Don’t ever trust nobody! You ain’t gonna be my partner, never, ‘cause you’re a long-haired freak, and you suck! [drops the microphone and raises his arms for the crowd]
My! Can’t believe that!
[Austin leaves the ring and walks up the ramp to the cheers of the crowd]
Well, if you’d like to have a pet rattlesnake, I’ll give you Austin’s phone number!
Thank you, no. This capacity crowd-
Mankind [grabbing the microphone]: Austin! Austin!! I was just looking for a little bit of respect. I was looking for a friend, and you’ve ruined that all!!
Austin [from the top of the entrance ramp, grinning]: Damn right!
So it’s become very apparent, that drastic measures will be taken! Because, next week, well, I’m going to have to do something I never thought I’d do again. [Austin leaves] And it will become very obvious that the World Wrestling Federation will never be the same! Steve Austin, you will never be the same! And without a doubt next week, Mankind...will NEVER BE THE SAME!!! [whimpers]
Well, I guess maybe that pretty much tells you something - a mixed reaction by this capacity crowd. And there is no doubt whether you did your job or you didn't do your job, but if it haven't had been for you, the Undertaker might still be the World Wrestling Federation Champion.
So let me get this straight. You, the Undertaker, Bret "The Hitman" Hart and — the best that I can tell — all of the fans of the World Wrestling Federation are dumpin' this in my lap!
I don't know if that's necessarily fair...
Shut up! Because you know something? It's just like you, it's just like Bret Hart and whether anybody in this arena likes it or not, it's just like all the fans of the World Wrestling Federation to not take responsibility for themselves and pass the buck on to the Heartbreak Kid because everybody knows I don't give a damn what anybody thinks of me! Shut up!
I went out there last night, for the first time in my career put on a referee's shirt and did one hell of a job. I called it down the middle. Right or wrong?
Yes, you did.
Exactly.
May I ask you a pertinent question, please?
Yeah, cough it up!
Alright, it's on a lot of people's minds. It's something like this — it's controversial as it always is: Are you in any way in cahoots with Bret Hart? As preposterous as that may sound, a lot of people are wondering that.
You know, I've always known you are a nimrod, but now you have convinced me that you are the dumbest sonofabitch I've ever met in my life.
Well, first of all, I don't appreciate that. Let's get that straight, okay?
Ooohh, shoot me while I shudder in my loafers, McMahon!
Well you just might be shuddering come September 7, when you step into this ring with the Undertaker. That's when you gonna be shuddering! You can take this here.
Get your ass out of here! [Vince leaves] You can move it or lose it, McMahon! Let me tell everybody what the story is. I am not in any way, shape or form in cahoots with Bret Hart. It is no secret that Bret Hart doesn't like me, Bret Hart doesn't respect me, but one thing is for damn sure, Bret Hart needs me! Because I am the only man in the World Wrestling Federation that has beat his ass! And that is the truth!
And Undertaker... Undertaker, you and I, for as long as we've been in the World Wrestling Federation have never crossed paths. EXCEPT FOR NOW!
[chanting] Michaels sucks!
Oh, I'm gonna tell you people something. Undertaker, the Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels lays down for absolutely no one! I don't do it for Bret Hart, I don't do it for you, I don't do it for the fans of the World Wrestling Federation, I don't do it for anybody. Undertaker, the next time you see Shawn Michaels, his Super...
You suck!
Ten years! Ten years I've given you, and this is the respect that you give me. Each and everyone of you can go to hell! Undertaker, the next time you'll see me, my Superkick is gonna be one foot down your throat!
[Before the police arrest Austin, Vince comes into the ring]
What’s the matter with you?! Get ahold of yourself!
Arrest him!
[To the police] Just give me a minute. Just give me a minute! [To Austin] What is the matter with you? You had to forfeit the Intercontinental title, the Tag Team title, of course everybody can understand why you’re upset. I can understand you being upset not being able to compete, I can understand that. But don’t break the law!
He already did...look at this!
Stone Cold's not gonna win this fight with New York City's finest.
Don't you understand? Don’t you understand why you’re not allowed to compete? Can’t you get that through your head? Don’t you know why? Don’t you know that you’re not physically able to compete? Your doctors say you’re not ready. If you compete, you could injure yourself for good! You could wind up paralyzed! And the WWF is not gonna stand by and let you do that to yourself. These people don’t want you to wind up in a wheelchair! They wanna see you compete. Everybody wants to see you compete. But in due time, Steve. In due time. [Austin looks at his watch]
Listen to McMahon, get the violins.
Get ahold of yourself.
He's telling the truth. Makes all the sense in the world.
[indicating the cops] He'd better be talking to those guys over there. I say put him in the slammer!
Listen, don’t you know people care? In the World Wrestling Federation, we care. They care, they care about you, that’s all it is. And you just gotta go with it. In other words, you simply, you gotta work within the system. That’s all you gotta do, is just work within the system.
You know as well as I do that this is what I do for a livin’. This is all that I do, and can’t nobody tell I ain’t the best in the damn world. Don’t even say nothin’. Don’t say nothin’. You sit here and tell me to work within the system. You ain’t the one sittin’ on your ass in the house like I am. But if that’s what it takes to make you or the World Wrestling Federation happy, hell, I feel like Cool Hand Luke. I’ll work within your stupid little system.
That's all that these people a—
I appreciate the fact that you and the World Wrestling Federation care. And I also appreciate the fact...that, hell, you can kiss my ass!
[Austin kicks McMahon in the gut and Stuns him]
Oh, God! Oh my God!
Put him in jail! Put him in jail right now!
[Hunter Hearst Helmsley is waiting for his match with Dude Love with a chain in hand, but the Dude appears on the TitanTron]
Oh, ho ho ho ho! Owww, have mercy! Hunter and especially your finer Chyna, I know what you must be thinking. 'Dude, what are you doing back here, when you should be out there kicking some heavy duty booty all over The Garden?' Hunter, my man, I do believe it's time we had a little rap, ho-ho. Because you see, Falls Count Anywhere— Well, that not exactly my bag, baby. The pinfalls in the hot dog stands, the pinfalls in the street, the chairs, the tables, it's not exactly a Love thing. But I know somebody, daddy, who's bag it indeed is. He's my man, he's my main man, you might even say, well daddy, he's a kind man. A kooky type of cat, let's bring him out right now.
[Mankind's music plays as Mankind walks into the picture]
Ho ho, Mankind, my main mandible— up high big man, down low— Owww, you're too slow, ho ho. Mankind, good to have you at the Love Shack.
Hi, Dude. Thanks for having me here.
The pleasure's all mine.
You really are eye candy for the chicks, Dude.
That much I know, Daddy, but you gotta tell me about this wacky match: Falls Count Anywhere.
Dude, as much as I've dreamed about destroying Hunter Hearst Helmsley...
I know you have.
...as many horrible things as I'd like to do to him...
I know you can.
I know someone who dreams about it even more.
Who is it, Manny?
Someone who's willing to do even worse things than I have.
Oh no, are you thinking what I think you're thinking?
I think I am thinking what you think I think you're thinking.
Can you bring him out, Manny?
Here he comes.
Where is he?
CACTUS JACK... IS BACK!
[Cactus Jack walks into the picture carrying a trash can, Helmsley loses it with the referee]
Somebody spank me, I thought he was dead!
He's alive. HE'S ALIVE!
Helmsley, it may be the darkest day of your life, because it's Madison Square Garden, and Mrs. Foley's little boy...is finally home. BANG BANG!
[overlappping] Bye bye, Hunter, have fun! Owww, have mercy!
What in the world!?
[overlapping] Oh my God. Drastic times call for drastic measures!
[A garbage bin is thrown from off-curtain, followed by a large broom before Cactus Jack enters with a trash can]
And for a man, that has wrestled on nails, and barbed wire and set himself on fire, this will be a day at Central Park!
[Paul Bearer is at the ring with Kane, who just trashed the Hardy Boyz]
Now that I have your undivided attention— Yes, laugh at the fat man. Go ahead! Here's your chance. Go ahead and laugh at me. Stand up, call me names, do what you wanna do. Here's your chance. The one you should be laughing at is your so-called phenom. The one you should be laughing at is your hero, The Undertaker. The proof is here. I tried to go back to The Undertaker, he wouldn't take me back. I had to do what I had to do. He slapped me around, he called me a liar. He burned me! Burned!
Ladies and Gentlemen, let me present to you, The Undertaker's little brother: Kane! Look close, Undertaker. The whole world saw your face last night, when you stood for the first time in twenty years face-to-face with your own brother. We can all tell by the look in your eyes that you knew it was him. Yes, oh yes, he's alive. Look at his eye, Undertaker. He's missing an eye. And it's your fault! The 20 years of suffering, the 20 years of hiding-out is now over. And we have you to thank, Undertaker.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's WWE Raw pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.