[Hunter Hearst Helmsley is waiting for his match with Dude Love with a chain in hand, but the Dude appears on the TitanTron]
Oh, ho ho ho ho! Owww, have mercy! Hunter and especially your finer Chyna, I know what you must be thinking. 'Dude, what are you doing back here, when you should be out there kicking some heavy duty booty all over The Garden?' Hunter, my man, I do believe it's time we had a little rap, ho-ho. Because you see, Falls Count Anywhere— Well, that not exactly my bag, baby. The pinfalls in the hot dog stands, the pinfalls in the street, the chairs, the tables, it's not exactly a Love thing. But I know somebody, daddy, who's bag it indeed is. He's my man, he's my main man, you might even say, well daddy, he's a kind man. A kooky type of cat, let's bring him out right now.
[Mankind's music plays as Mankind walks into the picture]
Ho ho, Mankind, my main mandible— up high big man, down low— Owww, you're too slow, ho ho. Mankind, good to have you at the Love Shack.
Hi, Dude. Thanks for having me here.
The pleasure's all mine.
You really are eye candy for the chicks, Dude.
That much I know, Daddy, but you gotta tell me about this wacky match: Falls Count Anywhere.
Dude, as much as I've dreamed about destroying Hunter Hearst Helmsley...
I know you have.
...as many horrible things as I'd like to do to him...
I know you can.
I know someone who dreams about it even more.
Who is it, Manny?
Someone who's willing to do even worse things than I have.
Oh no, are you thinking what I think you're thinking?
I think I am thinking what you think I think you're thinking.
Can you bring him out, Manny?
Here he comes.
Where is he?
CACTUS JACK... IS BACK!
[Cactus Jack walks into the picture carrying a trash can, Helmsley loses it with the referee]
Somebody spank me, I thought he was dead!
He's alive. HE'S ALIVE!
Helmsley, it may be the darkest day of your life, because it's Madison Square Garden, and Mrs. Foley's little boy...is finally home. BANG BANG!
[overlappping] Bye bye, Hunter, have fun! Owww, have mercy!
What in the world!?
[overlapping] Oh my God. Drastic times call for drastic measures!
[A garbage bin is thrown from off-curtain, followed by a large broom before Cactus Jack enters with a trash can]
And for a man, that has wrestled on nails, and barbed wire and set himself on fire, this will be a day at Central Park!
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