Wonderfalls quotes

Jaye

Of course she's not pressing charges. Murderers don't press charges. It calls unwanted attention to themselves.

Lick the light-switch.

Jaye

[to Brass Monkey] Tell me why you talk to me!

Because... you listen.

Jaye

I couldn’t stand the thought of spending another day looking at those faces with their stupid little mouths constantly running and making all sorts of unreasonable demands on me.

Mahandra

Are you sure you should be in a customer service industry?

Aaron

St. Paul was just a punk until he was blinded by the light, and Gandhi was just drinking and whoring it up with his friends until he heard the cry of his people.

Jaye

And Neo was just a geek until he swallowed that little red pill.

Thank you for supporting this imperialist establishment. Enjoy your purchase and have a racist day!

They really look up to me!

Jaye

Yeah, you made them sit down.

Sharon

Behind this door is one very dehydrated, very angry, and very litigious woman! Pry, man! Pry!

Let him go!

Is this one of those stores that gives its employees a cash bonus when they apprehend a shoplifter?

Jaye

Ten percent of whatever they were gonna steal! One time I accidentally left the watch case open and I got, like, 500 bucks.

Jaye

I make good life choices — mostly because they’re forced on me — but I make them, and I find myself in unpleasant situations all the time. You know why? Because even if you have a choice it can and will be taken away from you. We’re all fate’s bitch. You might as well go ahead and bend over for destiny now.

No! Please, don’t kill me! I can’t die! I’ve never been with a woman!

[to Sharon] You...

Sharon

I have been with a woman!

Eric

I'd like to return these items.

Jaye

Did they break? 'Cause we sell a lot of crap here.