Try throwing a shoe at Roy and NOT hitting him.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
What is the deal with men crying these days? Is it in or out?
Oh, let's see. 1960s was love and sex -- no reason to cry.
1970s was the sensitive male. It was okay to cry. 1980s was--
Making money -- no crying.
And what is the 1990s?
No sex, no money, nothing to do but cry.
AAlex
Well, what was that all about?
Lynch just asked Helen to marry him.
AAlex
Oh that is great. No wonder why she is so happy.
You can be that happy too, you know.
AAlex
If Davis Lynch asked me to marry him, I would be.
AAlex
Brian, it is over. No matter what stunts you pull, it is not going to mend our relationship. Do you get it?
Oh, yes, I get it. Trust me; I have had enough embarassment for one day! Man enters airport lounge dressed in a pink outfit and wings; Brian motions to approach him Oh good, the Cupidgram is here!
Helen's residence. Brian and Casey start passionately making out and go upstairs to have sex. They fail to see they threw their clothes near an active fireplace, which sparks and starts to burn the clothes
Master bedroom
You were great. It is so hot in here, you are smoking.
CCasey
Smoke!
Don't need to.
Sirens are heard on street
CCasey
No Brian, there's smoke! Did you put out the fireplace?
I guess. No need to worry.
Firemen break down door of master bedroom
Smoke, there's fire! AUGH! Why didn't anyone tell me!
After Casey lets it slip about the fire when Joe did not know the cause at first
Let me get this straight Brian, you caused the fire? But the worst part of it, all this time you knew and said nothing when I was blaming myself or thinking it was faulty wiring or some accident.
Well, Joe, it was hard to say.
You know Brian, this is not the first time you have pulled a stunt like this. When you ran off with my first fiancee Carol, I was angry, until Dad's death convinced me not to bear a grudge. It has been like this for years, you get in over your head doing something stupid, I get mad, I calm down, I forgive you, then I am the one stuck cleaning up the mess you made! Now that I am married I have to say no more. You burned down the house; what if that happened when you were babysitting the children Helen and I plan to have? Well, that is a risk I cannot take. I want you out.
You're right, I should get lost for a bit.
Not just that Brian. I want you out of my life.
Out of your life?!
I will buy you out of the landholding mortgage and I will buy you out of Sandpiper. After that, I go my way and you go yours.
SSubtitles
TO BE CONTINUED
Joe, look what I found.
Dad's briefcase, so?
It was undamaged by the fire! And look at this, the picture Dad left for us! Know what this means?
Yeah, it means the nut house knew exactly what they were doing when they captured Dad by luring him into their van by waving a Chunky in front of him.
But Joe, the picture. Don't you know what it says?
Yeah, "You are rich". Why are you telling me this Brian? Did you expect to show me this and I would lighten up and say "Oh, you're right, all is forgiven"?
Are you really that serious about wanting me gone?
Man enters Sandpiper office
MMan
Sir, if I could ask you to leave, I have confidential business to discuss.
Excuse me pal, but this happens to be my office, and who are you?
MMan
Oh, this must be the second party.
Second party?
MMan
I have been retained to oversee that the partnership of Sandpiper Air be dissolved. Here is my card.
Man hands Brian business card
Brian{reciting card}: Al Skoog, Carpet Cleaners and Steaming Service. Don't just clean it, Skoogerize it!! What?
ASAl Skoog
Sorry, that's my other business. Here is the right card.
Mr. Skoog hands Brian another business card
Brian{reciting card}: Al Skoog, Attorney at Law. Admitted to the bar in West Virginia and Massachusetts. We are not just good, we are Skoogerific!
Mr. Skoog comes highly recommended. I want to make sure this is done nice and legal.
You are dead serious about getting rid of me; I can't believe it!
Brian departs Sandpiper office
I do not understand how he just does not get it!
ASAl Skoog
You look a little down. Tell you what, I own a pub crosstown. Give this coupon to the bartender. He will give you a free pitcher of Skoogeritas.
Joe is looking at his father's briefcase
Man{offstage voice}: What finery, imitation alligator!
Who said that?
Joe turns around to see his father
Dad?
DHDonald Hackett
The one and only!
You are dead. You are not real, you are a figment of my stressed-out brain. I am going to close my eyes and you will be gone.
Joe closes eyes, then opens them
Boo! A boogie woogie oogie! You always fell for that one, Joe!
AUGH!
Why are you here, Dad?
I am not here to haunt you, I promise. I am just here to tell you I am proud of you. You had every chance to take the easy way out; you know, be like one of those wimps in group therapy. "Hello, my name is Joe and I had a crap childhood. Wah, wah, wah!"
No Dad, I could not afford to get in touch with my inner child. Not with you going gonzo.
Well excuse me Joe. I wish you all the best with Helen. God forbid anything happen with Helen and you that what happened between your mother and I. I remember it like an ordinary day, where she told me "OK Don, the boys' dinner is in the fridge for tonight, the bed is made, I am moving to Phoenix and you are not!"
Granted, I hated Mom walking out on us too, but that was still no excuse for me to have to then take care of Brian and then you in getting calls from the sheriff such as "Joe Hackett, can you come pick up your father at the station? My men arrested him for participating in the American Legion Ladies' Auxiliary chili cook-off stark naked!"
I still don't see why that was a reason for the Ladies' Auxiliary to disqualify me from the contest!
Dad, I know why you are here. You are going to tell me Brian is repentant for burning down the house.
When did I say that? I agree you should throw Brian out.
What?!
Brian has had enough chances in life. He frittered away opportunities most of us never get, such as at NASA. When you planned to marry Carol, he ran off with her, and then it was a rivalry between you and him for Helen. It is time for him to grow up and he needs to do so the hard knocks way. But you do have to admit, he has a sense of surprise. Like that one Christmas where we got you the bicycle. Remember in those days they sold them unassembled and Brian thought it would be neat to surprise you with it assembled by him?
Right, and he actually did a pretty good job at it, just forgetting an eensy-weensy detail. Then Brian decided to goad me into testing out the bike atop the Seven Hills. That was when I learned the small part Brian forgot was the brakes! Thank goodness I collided with that snowman at the bottom of the Seven Hills.
That was no snowman. That was the Mather kid in a white parka eating a carrot.
Last lines of episode
Anyway Joe, take my advice and cut your losses now. Get on with your life with Helen and tell Brian to hit the highway. You will not be haunted by regret, nor will you ever miss him. After all, you do not miss your mother and you do not miss me.
Dad, I do miss you!
Well, you never gave any sign of that when I was still alive.
You are right, I did not. I should have been there when you were on your deathbed or something akin to that when you were terminal.
Too bad, because now the only thing you can do is...miss me.
The ghost of Joe's father fades away. Joe returning to reality, is left to think to himself. Brian enters office
OK Joe, that is the last of my boxes. At this point all I can tell you is have a nice life. So long.
Brian lifts box and departs office
Brian, wait!
Yes Joe, what is it?
Do not go.
I had my first kiss on Kingsbury Point.
I lost my virginity on Kingsbury Point.
I lost my virginity on Kingsbury's couch. His niece was my prom date - a great prom date!
In flight
Think we partied too much Joe in Miami?
Ugh, don't remind me.
Let's open the casket.
Brian, no.
Come on Joe! Brian opens casket, then his expression stops being a jocose one Uh, Joe, you really need to see this.
I am not in the mood.
No more joke, I am serious that you need to see this.
Joe takes a look then shares Brian's shock
Only two things can explain this. One, Harrison Kingsbury was a woman. Two, we signed for the wrong body.
Joe & Brian{in unison}: OH S#%$#T!
Scene changes to exterior of plane, where engine noise muffles profanity
Eleanor Kingsbury will understand. After all, the Kingsburies are people like us.
No, they are people who squash people like us! Do you not remember what happened to Siasconset Air?
Who was Siasconset Air?
They were the guys who had the counter before us.
So what happened?
Eleanor Kingsbury took a flight on Siasconset Air and they misplaced one of her bags.
And?
And...in the eleven minutes it took them to find it she had their mortgage called in and their credit line revoked. Before moving away, the owners were last seen making slushees at the Stop & Shop.
If she did that to Siasconset Air for losing her luggage, imagine what she will do to us once she finds out we lost her daddy!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Wings pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.