Wings · Season 1
You look a little tired.
No, I'm fine.
Hey, I know you Joe. You're the best pilot around but you're doing too much. You're running the office, you're flying the planes you keep this pace up you're gonna end up like Howard Hughes, locked in a hotel, sitting on Kleenex, sucking apple sauce through a straw.
Isn't that something. All that money and his hobbies are the same as mine.
Really? He also used to collect toenail clippings and keep them in a mason jar.
This is uncanny.
It never fails, every time I fly, I come back a little surer there's a God.
I go down to the dump and shoot rats.
Announcing the arrival of Sandpiper flight 18 from Boston, Massachusetts, the cradle of liberty. No, wait that's Philadelphia. The city with big shoulders, no that's Chicago. Gateway to the west, no. I know Boston's something.
It just so happens I've been keeping an eye on him. He just sits there morning to night reading his paper, taking the occasional nap, minding his own business. I don't trust him.
Quick, Helen, call the SWAT team! There's a guy loose in the airport minding his own business!
You ought to introduce yourself, Brian. Maybe he gives lessons.
That's it, it's over. I'm doomed. Everything bad in the world always happens to me.
Plane's fixed.
That's it! See, all you have to do is keep a positive attitude.
I just talked to the man upstairs.
You just talked to the man upstairs?
Yes. Frank.
God's name is Frank?
No--yes, that's right, Lowell.
Look what she is doing to us, Brian. The last time she came between us we didn't speak for six years. Now, I don't want that to happen again, do you?
No.
Now, one of us has been up front with you. One of us has told you the truth, and only one of us really cares about you.
Just my luck it's you.
Brian, I'm so sorry if I hurt you. It's just I feel like I'm being torn apart. I mean, half of me wants you and all the craziness that goes with you. But the other half wants Joe, so strong and solid.
[to Joe] You can have the half of her that cooks.
How can you joke about this?
Because it's what I do.
Joe, Joey, quitting time. What's say we go get a couple of beers and scope out the chickage.
Chickage?
You know, chicks. Dames, babes, broads, skirts, honeys, honeys, honeys.
I get it, I get it.
You sure? 'Cause I know these 38 different euphemisms, more if you get into specific body parts.
You must be very proud.
A date?
That's right, you've seen 'em on TV. Now have one of your very own.
What about the President of the Nantucket Nature Society? Lois...?
Lois Sanders. No I'm afraid not. You remember that bumper sticker she has on her car "I brake for field mice?" Well she did and... got rear-ended by a bus.
I paid her a visit in the hospital. She's doing fine. She's still a little skittish if you come up behind her and go "BEEP!"
[to Joe] Don't pucker up like Dudley-Do-Right, just relax your lips.
[Helen, Joe, Brian and Fay come in soaked and miserable. Only one who is dry is Roy, who is laughing uproariously]
I cannot believe you fell for that! You should have seen the looks on your faces when you dove in!
[enraged] Gosh Roy, maybe there is a time to lighten up. I guess people tend to take it too seriously when they hear "Fire, fire, abandon ship!"
At a bachelor party
Men{in unison}: Nudity, nudity!
I now give you: Salome, and her Dance of the Seven Veils!
Men cheer; a veiled stripper enters room. After removing one veil, she trips and lands towards man of honor
Jerry Stark?
Roberta?
You know him?!
Yes, we went to Siasconset High School together. After I graduated I lost touch but I never forgot about you.
We have a lot of catching up to do.
Jerry departs room with Roberta
How about that? Someone actually knows who Jerry Stark is.
That's nice Joe, but now we have another problem.
Men{in unison}: Nudity, nudity!
Helen is watching old footage of her childhood. Brian is doing something then quickly gets restrained by Mrs. Hackett
There goes Brian again!
You know, the way my mother always yelled, until I was eight I thought his name was Brianstopit!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Wings pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
