Joe Hackett quotes from Wings

Joe

[to Helen] You're alluring and desirable... and something else and when I sleep you dance through the Netherlands.

Joe

If "ifs" and "buts" were candy and nuts, we'd all have a wonderful Christmas.

Brian

You look a little tired.

Joe

No, I'm fine.

Brian

Hey, I know you Joe. You're the best pilot around but you're doing too much. You're running the office, you're flying the planes you keep this pace up you're gonna end up like Howard Hughes, locked in a hotel, sitting on Kleenex, sucking apple sauce through a straw.

Lowell

Isn't that something. All that money and his hobbies are the same as mine.

Brian

Really? He also used to collect toenail clippings and keep them in a mason jar.

Lowell

This is uncanny.

Joe

It never fails, every time I fly, I come back a little surer there's a God.

Lowell

I go down to the dump and shoot rats.

Roy

It just so happens I've been keeping an eye on him. He just sits there morning to night reading his paper, taking the occasional nap, minding his own business. I don't trust him.

Brian

Quick, Helen, call the SWAT team! There's a guy loose in the airport minding his own business!

Joe

You ought to introduce yourself, Brian. Maybe he gives lessons.

Joe

Look what she is doing to us, Brian. The last time she came between us we didn't speak for six years. Now, I don't want that to happen again, do you?

Brian

No.

Joe

Now, one of us has been up front with you. One of us has told you the truth, and only one of us really cares about you.

Brian

Just my luck it's you.

Brian, I'm so sorry if I hurt you. It's just I feel like I'm being torn apart. I mean, half of me wants you and all the craziness that goes with you. But the other half wants Joe, so strong and solid.

Brian

[to Joe] You can have the half of her that cooks.

Joe

How can you joke about this?

Brian

Because it's what I do.

Brian

Joe, Joey, quitting time. What's say we go get a couple of beers and scope out the chickage.

Joe

Chickage?

Brian

You know, chicks. Dames, babes, broads, skirts, honeys, honeys, honeys.

Joe

I get it, I get it.

Brian

You sure? 'Cause I know these 38 different euphemisms, more if you get into specific body parts.

Joe

You must be very proud.

Joe

What about the President of the Nantucket Nature Society? Lois...?

Fay

Lois Sanders. No I'm afraid not. You remember that bumper sticker she has on her car "I brake for field mice?" Well she did and... got rear-ended by a bus.

Lowell

I paid her a visit in the hospital. She's doing fine. She's still a little skittish if you come up behind her and go "BEEP!"

Roy

I cannot believe you fell for that! You should have seen the looks on your faces when you dove in!

Joe

[enraged] Gosh Roy, maybe there is a time to lighten up. I guess people tend to take it too seriously when they hear "Fire, fire, abandon ship!"

Joe

I now give you: Salome, and her Dance of the Seven Veils!

Jerry Stark?

Roberta?

Joe

You know him?!

Yes, we went to Siasconset High School together. After I graduated I lost touch but I never forgot about you.

We have a lot of catching up to do.

Joe

How about that? Someone actually knows who Jerry Stark is.

Brian

That's nice Joe, but now we have another problem.

Helen

There goes Brian again!

Joe

You know, the way my mother always yelled, until I was eight I thought his name was Brianstopit!

Joe

I played some ball in high school too.

Roy

Played semi-pro myself. Had guys like you for lunch.

Joe

[looking at Roy's belly] Must have had quite a few of them.

Helen

Woe, dood u et da qillow?

Joe

Pardon?

Helen

Illow!

Helen

Dank oo.

Joe

Sorry, it is just a little hard to understand with your mouth stuffed with cotton. Could you just say for me "You have dishonored the Corleone family"?

Helen

Ruck woo!

Joe

No need to repeat, I got that one!

Joe

Helen must have been sleepwalking! She could not have gotten far, she was there when I checked just before third period. Boston College, you guys look on the street; Providence College fans comb the beach!

Helen

Joe, I appreciate you taking care of me and willing to sacrifice watching the game with the guys.

Joe

Hey, that is what being in a relationship is all about.

Helen

I just had the weirdest dream that I was walking near the lighthouse and some guys led me home.

Joe

Well, you know the doctor used some heavy anesthesia!