Brian Hackett quotes from Wings

Brian

I'd like to see Joe without his color-coded binder. I got this all under control.

Brian

Try throwing a shoe at Roy and NOT hitting him.

Brian

You look a little tired.

Joe

No, I'm fine.

Brian

Hey, I know you Joe. You're the best pilot around but you're doing too much. You're running the office, you're flying the planes you keep this pace up you're gonna end up like Howard Hughes, locked in a hotel, sitting on Kleenex, sucking apple sauce through a straw.

Lowell

Isn't that something. All that money and his hobbies are the same as mine.

Brian

Really? He also used to collect toenail clippings and keep them in a mason jar.

Lowell

This is uncanny.

Roy

It just so happens I've been keeping an eye on him. He just sits there morning to night reading his paper, taking the occasional nap, minding his own business. I don't trust him.

Brian

Quick, Helen, call the SWAT team! There's a guy loose in the airport minding his own business!

Joe

You ought to introduce yourself, Brian. Maybe he gives lessons.

Brian

That's it, it's over. I'm doomed. Everything bad in the world always happens to me.

Lowell

Plane's fixed.

Brian

That's it! See, all you have to do is keep a positive attitude.

Joe

Look what she is doing to us, Brian. The last time she came between us we didn't speak for six years. Now, I don't want that to happen again, do you?

Brian

No.

Joe

Now, one of us has been up front with you. One of us has told you the truth, and only one of us really cares about you.

Brian

Just my luck it's you.

Brian, I'm so sorry if I hurt you. It's just I feel like I'm being torn apart. I mean, half of me wants you and all the craziness that goes with you. But the other half wants Joe, so strong and solid.

Brian

[to Joe] You can have the half of her that cooks.

Joe

How can you joke about this?

Brian

Because it's what I do.

Brian

Joe, Joey, quitting time. What's say we go get a couple of beers and scope out the chickage.

Joe

Chickage?

Brian

You know, chicks. Dames, babes, broads, skirts, honeys, honeys, honeys.

Joe

I get it, I get it.

Brian

You sure? 'Cause I know these 38 different euphemisms, more if you get into specific body parts.

Joe

You must be very proud.

Helen

A date?

Brian

That's right, you've seen 'em on TV. Now have one of your very own.

Joe

I now give you: Salome, and her Dance of the Seven Veils!

Jerry Stark?

Roberta?

Joe

You know him?!

Yes, we went to Siasconset High School together. After I graduated I lost touch but I never forgot about you.

We have a lot of catching up to do.

Joe

How about that? Someone actually knows who Jerry Stark is.

Brian

That's nice Joe, but now we have another problem.

Helen

Roy's son R.J. said he wanted to learn the cello. Fat chance in Roy approving that!

Roy

Helen, R.J. told me he wanted to take cello lessons.

Helen

Well, yes Roy. Before you object..

Roy

Come to think of it, I thought over his request and realized he has been too top-heavy on sports. For the college admission boards, athletes are a dime a dozen. Another extracurricular activity like music would look good for college applications.

Helen

Great, I must be honest, I am surprised you would approve Roy.

Roy

Nothing is too good for my boy. Besides, it would behoove him to take in some culture.

Brian

Now you can share your gift with R.J.

Helen

Forget that! The Celtics lost again and I need the teaching fee to pay off my bookie!

Brian

I couldn't have possibly done it, either, because I was dressing a pig in the coach's wife's lingerie at the time.

Joe

You were wearing lingerie or the pig was?

Brian

I was. What do you take me for, a pervert?

Brian

Joe! I am so glad you are back.

Joe

Glad to be appreciated. How did it go?

Brian

I am glad the day is over.

Joe

Well, you sound beat. Something happen?

Brian

Joe, you are not going to believe this but, the plane vanished from the hangar!

Joe

I know.

Brian

You know?!

Joe

Of course; the men from New Bedford took the plane up to inspect it for the 100-hour check. Didn't you know, it was all there under the yellow section of the binder, which had the day's planned events.

Brian

What is the deal with men crying these days?  Is it in or out?

Joe

Oh, let's see.  1960s was love and sex -- no reason to cry.

Brian

1970s was the sensitive male.  It was okay to cry.  1980s was--

Joe

Making money -- no crying.

Brian

And what is the 1990s?

Joe

No sex, no money, nothing to do but cry.

Well, what was that all about?

Lynch just asked Helen to marry him.

Oh that is great. No wonder why she is so happy.

Brian

You can be that happy too, you know.

If Davis Lynch asked me to marry him, I would be.