A character in Wings
Donald
Wings · 49 quotes
Tied for 6th most-quoted character in Wings: in 4 of its 49 quotes
Most scenes with: Joe Hackett (4)
Joe is looking at his father's briefcase
Man{offstage voice}: What finery, imitation alligator!
Who said that?
Joe turns around to see his father
Dad?
The one and only!
You are dead. You are not real, you are a figment of my stressed-out brain. I am going to close my eyes and you will be gone.
Joe closes eyes, then opens them
Boo! A boogie woogie oogie! You always fell for that one, Joe!
AUGH!
Why are you here, Dad?
I am not here to haunt you, I promise. I am just here to tell you I am proud of you. You had every chance to take the easy way out; you know, be like one of those wimps in group therapy. "Hello, my name is Joe and I had a crap childhood. Wah, wah, wah!"
No Dad, I could not afford to get in touch with my inner child. Not with you going gonzo.
Well excuse me Joe. I wish you all the best with Helen. God forbid anything happen with Helen and you that what happened between your mother and I. I remember it like an ordinary day, where she told me "OK Don, the boys' dinner is in the fridge for tonight, the bed is made, I am moving to Phoenix and you are not!"
Granted, I hated Mom walking out on us too, but that was still no excuse for me to have to then take care of Brian and then you in getting calls from the sheriff such as "Joe Hackett, can you come pick up your father at the station? My men arrested him for participating in the American Legion Ladies' Auxiliary chili cook-off stark naked!"
I still don't see why that was a reason for the Ladies' Auxiliary to disqualify me from the contest!
Dad, I know why you are here. You are going to tell me Brian is repentant for burning down the house.
When did I say that? I agree you should throw Brian out.
What?!
Brian has had enough chances in life. He frittered away opportunities most of us never get, such as at NASA. When you planned to marry Carol, he ran off with her, and then it was a rivalry between you and him for Helen. It is time for him to grow up and he needs to do so the hard knocks way. But you do have to admit, he has a sense of surprise. Like that one Christmas where we got you the bicycle. Remember in those days they sold them unassembled and Brian thought it would be neat to surprise you with it assembled by him?
Right, and he actually did a pretty good job at it, just forgetting an eensy-weensy detail. Then Brian decided to goad me into testing out the bike atop the Seven Hills. That was when I learned the small part Brian forgot was the brakes! Thank goodness I collided with that snowman at the bottom of the Seven Hills.
That was no snowman. That was the Mather kid in a white parka eating a carrot.
Last lines of episode
Anyway Joe, take my advice and cut your losses now. Get on with your life with Helen and tell Brian to hit the highway. You will not be haunted by regret, nor will you ever miss him. After all, you do not miss your mother and you do not miss me.
Dad, I do miss you!
Well, you never gave any sign of that when I was still alive.
You are right, I did not. I should have been there when you were on your deathbed or something akin to that when you were terminal.
Too bad, because now the only thing you can do is...miss me.
The ghost of Joe's father fades away. Joe returning to reality, is left to think to himself. Brian enters office
OK Joe, that is the last of my boxes. At this point all I can tell you is have a nice life. So long.
Brian lifts box and departs office
Brian, wait!
Yes Joe, what is it?
Do not go.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Wings pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
