TV show quotes
I told Jake I knew he had a thing for me, but he denied it. Then he told everyone what I said and now they all think I am conceited.
Are you saying he denied the heat?
No, no, he liked me...he just didn't like being rejected by me.
So he did like you, but you rejected him first, then he turned it around to make you the object of ridicule. My God!
I know!
That kid's a genius!
I'm just glad I can spend Thanksgiving here, instead of at the Thorpe Family Cod Fish Extravaganza.
What, cod fish?
You don't eat turkey on Thanksgiving?
Oh no no no, turkey - sacred in my family. One actually saved my great-grandfather's life.
Well, they are known for their heroism.
True. See, according to legend, my great-grandfather went for a walk on Thanksgiving morning and got lost in a blizzard. Yeah, he wandered around for hours until he came upon a wild turkey, who led him back to safety. And that brave bird was the last turkey my family ever ate.
That kind of turkey is not for eatin'.
It's not?
Well, it's for eatin' obviously, but you know what I mean!
You know, the MacArthur Red has a higher IQ than any other breed of turkey.
Yeah? What's its IQ?
Eight.
Hey, do you think that flower guy was serious about the MacArthur Platinum?
Nah, no turkey has an IQ of 12.
You know what I think? I think you need a wingman.
You know about wingmen?
Of course. I also know that butt crack is the new cleavage.
Yeah, but you can't keep your money in there.
Oh, well, you need money. Well, how about you write a book on how to break the spirit of an eighth grader?
Well, Thorpe, let's say that I did, and it made $100,000. If I decided to split the royalties with you 60/40, how much would you get? I'll be right back. I don't want to get any brains on me when your head explodes.
(to her iBop) Never should have taken you to that Greek restaurant. It was too dangerous for you. But you're broken now, so you're nothing more to me but a worthless piece of plastic and I hate you!
(talking about iBop) Yes it came, I love it and it's mine!
You said I could have it!
That was before I fell in love with it! I love it, Gary! I love it like a little tiny child! (After Gary leaves) It's ok, baby. The bad man's gone
Okay, she didn't start off as the perfect employee, but how bad could she have been?
She soaked a man's chicken and lost four lobsters.
She told me five.
Five?! (looks around in alarm)
To be completely honest with you, maybe things worked out for the best.
What do you mean?
When she left, it was the best.
Aww... you're exaggerating.
No, after she quit, the busboys had a party. There was dancing.
She's back... for the long haul. How long is the long haul?
I am proud of her. Do you know how much courage it took to march back in here?
She's courageous? (gestures to the busboys) They have to work with her. They're the real heroes.
So basically, all you need to focus on now is chopping up these peppers.
Are you sure you don't want me out there with all the customers? I mean, I'm such a people person.
Oh, I know. But tonight, I need you to be a pepper person.
Hey, I finished all the peppers. Want me to go out and help the waiters?
Uh... You finished all the green peppers. You still have two more colors to go!
No problem. I'll chop anything in any color.
We need a poached sal- where is everyone?
Gone!
Well, who's going to cook the food?!
I will!
What? You can't cook.
Yeah, I can! I cook killer omelettes.
That's it? Just omelettes?
No, no, no... that's good. Tell everyone the chef's throwing the menu, it's omelette night.
Omelette night?
It's whimsical. Go, go, go!
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