Welcome Back, Kotter quotes

73 total quotes

All Seasons  
Season 1
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Bambi: Didn't we live together in another life?
Epstein: Oh...oh, I would have remembered that!
Bambi: [giggling] Oh, he's magic!
Kotter: Yeah, maybe one day he'll disappear.

Epstein: Hey, I got an idea, listen to this. ISB.
Kotter: ISB?
Epstein: In-School Betting. Yeah. It's about time we get bettin' off the streets, into the school here, where it belongs! [Sweathogs cheer]
Kotter: Are you kiddin'? I'll lay you 5-2 that'll never happen.
Freddie: I'll take that bet.

Epstein: Hey, look, we can't stay long, we got a cab waiting downstairs.
Kotter: You took a cab?
Epstein: We're gonna give it back.
Kotter: You stole a cab?
Vinnie: No, no, no, no. It's Horshack's father's cab. You can't steal a guy's father's cab. You can't.
Horshack: Then why'd we tie him up, Vinnie?

Epstein: I ain't goin' to class, man. I ain't never goin' to class.
Kotter: Where you goin' then?
Epstein: I don't know, uh, into the religious life.
Kotter: Brother Epstein, huh? I can see the headlines: 'Puerto Rican Jew enters monastery, becomes the first 'Schlamonk.'

Epstein: Well, you had your little fun, now, Arnold. Now you're gonna fold, right?
Horshack: Ep-stine, I think it's high time I made a stand! [stands up]
Epstein: Horshack!
Horshack: I fold! [sits back down]

Freddie: [to Horshack] You know, I never really thought I would miss you, but you sort of grow on a guy... like mold.

Freddie: [to Vinnie] You got as much chance being a priest as I do gettin' the lead in the school production of Snow White.
Epstein: Yeah, and Freddie was the best one who read for the part. But, me and Horshack, see, we're still up for dwarfs.
Horshack: Yeah. Guess who's gonna play Dopey?
Kotter: If I was casting, I'd have a rough time choosing.
Season 2

Freddie: This coat was worn at the famous Lincoln-Douglas debate.
Kotter: This coat was worn at the famous Lincoln-Douglas debate?
Freddie: I wore this coat when my father, Lincoln, beat the daylights out of my brother, Douglas!

Freddie: You're the leader of the Sweathogs, right?
Vinnie: Am I the leader of the Sweathogs? Is a bear Catholic? Does the Pope live in the woods?

Horshack: A woman is a sometime thing.
Epstein: She'll take your heart and give it a fling.
Horshack: But when true love runs off its course...
Epstein: Then she'll sue you for divorce.

Horshack: An integer is a counting number. If the sequence is 1,2; 2,3; 3,4; etc., the integer is apparent.
Kotter: It's apparent to who?
Horshack: So find the value of 'X'?
Kotter: 'X'? I don't know.
Horshack: Right! 'X' is unknown! So what's 'Y'?
Kotter: 'Y'?
Vinnie: Where?

Judy: You know, Vinnie, you're so low, you could crawl under a pregnant ant!
Kotter: That's a good one, Vinnie.
Vinnie: Oh, yeah? Well, listen, Blimpo, you better watch yourself, or I'll let the air out of your dress.

Julie: [to Kotter about the Sweathogs] They're not students, they're inmates! And you are the head cuckoo!

Kotter: All right, Epstein, come on. Let's have it so we can get to work.
Epstein: What?
Kotter: One of your famous notes that'll read something like, 'Please excuse Juan for being late. He was kidnapped by the jet set and left tied up on a lawn in Hyannis Port.' Signed...
Sweathogs: Epstein's mother!

Kotter: Can anybody tell me who settled New Jersey?
Horshack: Ooh! Ooh ooh! Is New Jersey settled?
Kotter: Arnold, New Jersey's been settled for more than 250 years.
Epstein: Ha! You never been to Newark on a Saturday night!