Welcome Back, Kotter quotes

73 total quotes

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Epstein: How'd you figure it was Cavelli, pop?
Kotter: Ah, good question, number one son. Old Chinese proverb: Man who try to pull wool over eyes wind up with sheep on face.

Horshack: My name is Abu Kareem Hassan. What is, is. What was, will be. What will be, was, but will be again.
Vinnie: We better hurry up, I'm startin' to understand him.

Horshack: We are all here to witness a miracle, the miracle of birth. And Mr. Kotter, miracles cannot be rushed.
Kotter: Look, Arnold, I am... Arnold, what you just said, that was beautiful. It made a lot of sense.
Horshack: Of course! Births cannot be rushed. For example, first, the stork has to be notified.

Julie: [as the babies cry] Okay, girls, now here's the deal. You can either go to sleep, or you can wash the dishes! [babies stop crying] I knew you'd take the easy way out.

Julie: What are we going to name the babies?
Kotter: Well, what's wrong with 'this one' and 'that one?'
Julie: Too common.

Kotter: [about Horshack] He has joined the cult of Baba Bebe.
Woodman: Baba Bebe? You mean the one who brainwashes young people?
[Kotter nods]
Woodman: My kind of guy! [laughs]

Kotter: If your contractions start, you time them.
Julie: Uh-huh.
Kotter: When they're four minutes apart, you call me.
Julie: Uh-huh.
Kotter: If your water breaks, don't touch the toaster.

Kotter: Where's my wife?
Nurse: Well, she's in the labor room.
Horshack: Labor room? They're making her work at a time like this?

Vinnie: Mr. Woodman, why don't you take a couple days off and go hang gliding? It's good weather for it: no wind.

Woodman: I'm breaking up the Sweathogs. It's like breaking up the old Yankees. You thought you had me, didn't you? Two outs, bottom of the ninth, but old Woodman hit a home run, and I win! I win, Kotter!
Kotter: How long have you been without your medication, Mr. Woodman?

Woodman: Teaching this class is about as much fun as root canal work.
Epstein: I thought all the routes to your canal dried up a long time ago!

[Epstein brings a satchel to watch the lottery drawing]
Kotter: Epstein, what's that satchel for?
Epstein: It's for the money. What am I gonna do, stuff 250 G's in my pocket?
Freddie: Hey, Juan, um, they gonna give us a check.
Epstein: Oh, no, I don't take checks. Checks bounce.
Kotter: Well, this one's gonna be from New York State.
Epstein: Especially those!

[Kotter and Julie are changing the babies]
Kotter: How come I always get the wet one?
Julie: Oh, she's just showing off for Daddy.
Kotter: We gotta break her of this habit before she starts dating.