We're gonna take all this money, we're gonna put it in the bank. We're gonna all be typhoons.
That's, uh, tycoons.
No, typhoons. 'Cause at the end of the year, we gonna all blow it!
S2 E2Inherit The Halibut
Epstein, take the stand.
Do I gotta?
KKptter
That's right. This court does not recognize notes from your mother.
S2 E3Sweatside Story
CCarvelli
[about Kotter] Teacher? This is a tough school.
...
CCarvelli
That's the oldest punk I ever saw.
I'm not a punk; I'm the vice principal.
CCarvelli
Vice principal? This is a tough school.
[to Carvelli] Hey! Enough of this lip service here. I came here for some action! Who's the first guy that wants to lose control of his face?
[to Kotter] Will you cool it?
CCarvelli
Who is that guy?
Him? He's our teacher.
CCarvelli
[about Kotter] Teacher? This is a tough school.
...
CCarvelli
That's the oldest punk I ever saw.
I'm not a punk; I'm the vice principal.
CCarvelli
Vice principal? This is a tough school.
S2 E4The Fight
[about the Sweathogs] You guys look like a delinquent Mount Rushmore.
Okay now, watchin' a fight I ain't in– It makes me nervous.
S2 E5The Museum
I ain't gonna hurt any old relics. Not even Mr. Woodman.
Get bent, Barbarino!
I went to a wax museum once. I saw Raquel Welch. You know that that wax comes right off in your hands?
Next time wear gloves.
S2 E7Sweathog, Nebraska Style
[Epstein gives Kotter a note from the principal saying that he was in conference with him]
What are you trying to do to me, Epstein? I know the man's handwriting. This note is legitimate!
Well, in baseball, it's called a change-up, you know? Keeps the hitter guessin'!
A fine young lady like you doesn't belong with Sweathogs.
JJenny
Oh, yeah? In your horn with an ear of corn!
She's a Sweathog!
Epstein, wait! You can't go to Nebraska! They won't let you past Philadelphia without a passport!
S2 E11Sweathog Clinic for the Cure of Smoking
I had to decide whether or not I was gonna let junk food rule my life.
Well, what'd you do?
I went cold turkey.
Cold turkey?
That's right. For five days, instead of junk food, I ate nothin' but cold turkey!
[about spending so long in the bathroom] I'm just enjoying a few moments of privacy, you know? I mean, when you got nine brothers and sisters like I got, the only time you get to use the bathroom by yourself is on your birthday!
S2 E15Sweatgate Scandal
Now, now, now, Juan, you hot-blooded young turk!
I'm a Puerto Rican Jew!
Same thing. Your blood is hot.
Newspapers mold people's minds.
Who wants to make a moldy mind?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Welcome Back, Kotter pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.