Welcome Back, Kotter quotes

73 total quotes

All Seasons
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Kotter: Just think of a debate as sort of a, um, rumble with words.
Vinnie: You mean like, 'Up your nose with a garden hose?'

Freddie: This coat was worn at the famous Lincoln-Douglas debate.
Kotter: This coat was worn at the famous Lincoln-Douglas debate?
Freddie: I wore this coat when my father, Lincoln, beat the daylights out of my brother, Douglas!

Vinnie: You scratch my back, I scratch yours.
Kotter: I can't do that. You see, my wife has an exclusive on my entire body. She'd be disturbed if I came home with a pre-scratched back.

Kotter: Do I look like Miss Fishbeck, the art teacher?
Epstein: Only around the moustache.

Kotter: James Buchanan is not anywhere. It's in Bensonhurst, which is in Brooklyn, which is where I spent four degenerate years as a student. You know how rough that is? The gangs there don't use guns. They insert the bullets manually.

Epstein: Hey, look, we can't stay long, we got a cab waiting downstairs.
Kotter: You took a cab?
Epstein: We're gonna give it back.
Kotter: You stole a cab?
Vinnie: No, no, no, no. It's Horshack's father's cab. You can't steal a guy's father's cab. You can't.
Horshack: Then why'd we tie him up, Vinnie?

Kotter: So nobody did it. I think we should put a candle in the window, because the last time this happened, three wise men came from the east.

[Kotter comes in the class after the bell rings]
Vinnie: You're late.
Freddie: That's your fourth tardy this semester.
Epstein: Did you bring a note from your mommy? [Horshack laughs]
Gabe: Boy, what an honor, in my class, all four Marx brothers: Wacko, Stupo, Jerko, and Dummo.

Vinnie: I feel like this is just the beginning. Today, Buchanan, tomorrow, who knows? Governor Barbarino, Senator Barbarino, Emperor Barbarino! [Sweathogs cheer] You know, Julius Caesar was an Italian.

Kotter: Vinnie's not the first Sweathog who ever ran.
Woodman: No, that's right. Back in 1962, Jerry Slater was disqualified for stuffing the ballot box... with his opponent.

Kotter: Can anybody tell me who settled New Jersey?
Horshack: Ooh! Ooh ooh! Is New Jersey settled?
Kotter: Arnold, New Jersey's been settled for more than 250 years.
Epstein: Ha! You never been to Newark on a Saturday night!

Woodman: Now today, we will discuss the Revolutionary War. Now, who can tell me where that war started? Mr. Washington?
Freddie: Right. [whispers to Kotter] What's the answer?
Kotter: [whispering] Lexington and--
Freddie: Right. [stands up, clears throat] Lexington Avenue. Probably near 129th Street, by that barbecue, man. It's a tough neighborhood. A lot of wars went on over there.

Vinnie: You're not our friend. You're nothing but a teacher.
Kotter: Why can't I be your teacher and your friend?
Epstein: It don't work that way, Kotter. You see, in this vast universe of ours, people are divided into two groups, us and them. You're them.

Woodman: The world is divided into two parts--us and them. They're them! And come to think of it, you're them too.
Kotter: Yeah? Well, thank you. [in Groucho voice] That's the nicest remark I ever hoid.

Kotter: Maybe Epstein has decided that there's more to being a man that winning or losing a fight. That manliness is not measured by the amount of macho a guy's got.
Horshack: Right you are, Mr. Kotter! I get along without any macho at all.
Vinnie: Yeah, I'm holdin' it for him 'till he gets older.