Welcome Back, Kotter quotes

73 total quotes

All Seasons
 Season 1   Season 2   Season 3   Season 4  

Bambi: Didn't we live together in another life?
Epstein: Oh...oh, I would have remembered that!
Bambi: [giggling] Oh, he's magic!
Kotter: Yeah, maybe one day he'll disappear.

Carvelli: [about Kotter] Teacher? This is a tough school.
Carvelli: That's the oldest punk I ever saw.
Woodman: I'm not a punk; I'm the vice principal.
Carvelli: Vice principal? This is a tough school.

Epstein: [about spending so long in the bathroom] I'm just enjoying a few moments of privacy, you know? I mean, when you got nine brothers and sisters like I got, the only time you get to use the bathroom by yourself is on your birthday!

Epstein: Hey, I got an idea, listen to this. ISB.
Kotter: ISB?
Epstein: In-School Betting. Yeah. It's about time we get bettin' off the streets, into the school here, where it belongs! [Sweathogs cheer]
Kotter: Are you kiddin'? I'll lay you 5-2 that'll never happen.
Freddie: I'll take that bet.

Epstein: Hey, look, we can't stay long, we got a cab waiting downstairs.
Kotter: You took a cab?
Epstein: We're gonna give it back.
Kotter: You stole a cab?
Vinnie: No, no, no, no. It's Horshack's father's cab. You can't steal a guy's father's cab. You can't.
Horshack: Then why'd we tie him up, Vinnie?

Epstein: How'd you figure it was Cavelli, pop?
Kotter: Ah, good question, number one son. Old Chinese proverb: Man who try to pull wool over eyes wind up with sheep on face.

Epstein: I ain't goin' to class, man. I ain't never goin' to class.
Kotter: Where you goin' then?
Epstein: I don't know, uh, into the religious life.
Kotter: Brother Epstein, huh? I can see the headlines: 'Puerto Rican Jew enters monastery, becomes the first 'Schlamonk.'

Epstein: Miss Holzgang said we could draw our favorite thing, so I drew this bea-utiful girl! Oh!
Horshack: I drew a picture of a cheese Whopper.
Freddie: Yeah, and I drew a picture of Arnold getting heartburn.
Vinnie: And I drew a picture of me.

Epstein: Well, you had your little fun, now, Arnold. Now you're gonna fold, right?
Horshack: Ep-stine, I think it's high time I made a stand! [stands up]
Epstein: Horshack!
Horshack: I fold! [sits back down]

Epstein: When my mother was pregnant, she used to want hot peppers, you know? Every day, hot peppers, hot peppers, hot peppers. When we was born, the first thing we asked for was a glass of water!

Freddie: [to Horshack] You know, I never really thought I would miss you, but you sort of grow on a guy... like mold.

Freddie: [to Vinnie] You got as much chance being a priest as I do gettin' the lead in the school production of Snow White.
Epstein: Yeah, and Freddie was the best one who read for the part. But, me and Horshack, see, we're still up for dwarfs.
Horshack: Yeah. Guess who's gonna play Dopey?
Kotter: If I was casting, I'd have a rough time choosing.
Season 2

Freddie: This coat was worn at the famous Lincoln-Douglas debate.
Kotter: This coat was worn at the famous Lincoln-Douglas debate?
Freddie: I wore this coat when my father, Lincoln, beat the daylights out of my brother, Douglas!

Freddie: We're gonna take all this money, we're gonna put it in the bank. We're gonna all be typhoons.
Kotter: That's, uh, tycoons.
Freddie: No, typhoons. 'Cause at the end of the year, we gonna all blow it!

Freddie: You're the leader of the Sweathogs, right?
Vinnie: Am I the leader of the Sweathogs? Is a bear Catholic? Does the Pope live in the woods?