Welcome Back, Kotter quotes

73 total quotes

All Seasons
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Horshack: A woman is a sometime thing.
Epstein: She'll take your heart and give it a fling.
Horshack: But when true love runs off its course...
Epstein: Then she'll sue you for divorce.

Horshack: An integer is a counting number. If the sequence is 1,2; 2,3; 3,4; etc., the integer is apparent.
Kotter: It's apparent to who?
Horshack: So find the value of 'X'?
Kotter: 'X'? I don't know.
Horshack: Right! 'X' is unknown! So what's 'Y'?
Kotter: 'Y'?
Vinnie: Where?

Horshack: My name is Abu Kareem Hassan. What is, is. What was, will be. What will be, was, but will be again.
Vinnie: We better hurry up, I'm startin' to understand him.

Horshack: We are all here to witness a miracle, the miracle of birth. And Mr. Kotter, miracles cannot be rushed.
Kotter: Look, Arnold, I am... Arnold, what you just said, that was beautiful. It made a lot of sense.
Horshack: Of course! Births cannot be rushed. For example, first, the stork has to be notified.

Judy: You know, Vinnie, you're so low, you could crawl under a pregnant ant!
Kotter: That's a good one, Vinnie.
Vinnie: Oh, yeah? Well, listen, Blimpo, you better watch yourself, or I'll let the air out of your dress.

Julie: [as the babies cry] Okay, girls, now here's the deal. You can either go to sleep, or you can wash the dishes! [babies stop crying] I knew you'd take the easy way out.

Julie: [to Kotter about the Sweathogs] They're not students, they're inmates! And you are the head cuckoo!

Julie: What are we going to name the babies?
Kotter: Well, what's wrong with 'this one' and 'that one?'
Julie: Too common.

Kotter: [about Horshack] He has joined the cult of Baba Bebe.
Woodman: Baba Bebe? You mean the one who brainwashes young people?
[Kotter nods]
Woodman: My kind of guy! [laughs]

Kotter: [about the Sweathogs] You guys look like a delinquent Mount Rushmore.

Kotter: All right, Epstein, come on. Let's have it so we can get to work.
Epstein: What?
Kotter: One of your famous notes that'll read something like, 'Please excuse Juan for being late. He was kidnapped by the jet set and left tied up on a lawn in Hyannis Port.' Signed...
Sweathogs: Epstein's mother!

Kotter: Can anybody tell me who settled New Jersey?
Horshack: Ooh! Ooh ooh! Is New Jersey settled?
Kotter: Arnold, New Jersey's been settled for more than 250 years.
Epstein: Ha! You never been to Newark on a Saturday night!

Kotter: Do I look like Miss Fishbeck, the art teacher?
Epstein: Only around the moustache.

Kotter: Epstein, take the stand.
Epstein: Do I gotta?
Kptter: That's right. This court does not recognize notes from your mother.

Kotter: Epstein, what are the advantages of the two-party system?
Epstein: Oh, that's an easy one. In the two-party system, you get to go to two kinds of parties... two kinds of dancin', two kinds of chip dip, and two kinds of hopin' you'll, uh, make out.