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SEASON 1

Weeds · Season 1

Weeds Season 1 quotes

86 quotes · page 3 of 6

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S1 E2Free Goat

He always did excellent work down there... Piece of shit.

IS that what you think? He's shit?

You know, when you stop being cute and clean and funny at home and start spending afternoons with your head buried in the snatch of the tennis pro, yeah, you're a piece of shit.

He just turned out to be another mid-level asshole. And that makes me Mrs. Mid-level Asshole.

(A little tipsy, pulls up next to Nancy in Conrads hoopdie) Hey Nancy! Where's your, where's your ring?

My ring?

Yeah, you're pretty little diamond ring.

It's in the shop.

Oh, well, I hope they can fix it.

Yes, me too, Celia. Thanks!

S1 E3Good Shit Lollipop

EMrs. Elderman

(On the News) I haven't seen Chester, oh that's my cat, in 2 days. Umm, I dunno though, would a big cat eat a smaller cat? I mean, isn't that cat cannibalism?

(On phone) Hey listen, I've got somebody here, we'll finish this up at the next counsel meeting. Your turn to bring the vodka. Okay, you too. Yes, yes, I fucked your wife. Yes, I fucked your mother. Okay, bye.

Oh, it's a weed wonderland, Nancy. It's like Amsterdam, only better, because you don't have to visit the Anne Frank house and pretend to be all sad and stuff.

CXCraig X

(at the Bodhi Sativa Caregivers Club) The first thing you wanna do when you come to the club is check out the big board. On the big board we have all the prices and strains and they do change daily. (To another customer) Hey, Billy, how's the arthritis? All right, cool. (Back to Nancy) What was I saying?

(Walking into Nancy's House) You really should lock your front door.

I do lock it. But Lupita leaves it open so she doesn't have to dig for her keys. Drives me insane.

Their subtle revenge for having to clean our toilets.

I still say, we got the better end of that deal.

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