Drill sergeant: Get your corn holly shit shit-stained asses over here!
Andy Botwin: What's with all the...recurring homophobic imagery? I'm starting to worry about this guy.

Drug rehab secretary: We ran your insurance info a few times, and it's not exactly accurate.
Celia Hodes: What seems to be the problem?
Drug rehab secretary: You don't have any. The policy number you gave us belongs to an individual who is deceased...and Korean.

El Coyote: [pointing a gun at Andy] I will shoot your knee and shoot your balls. I will shoot your belly...and feed you to the sewer rats.
Doug Wilson: Does that mean that I can go?

El Coyote: [pointing a gun at Andy] It is time to pay, cabrón.
Andy Botwin: [to Doug] That's the bad coyote belt-stealer guy. The one who tried to rape Reyna and stab me in the neck.
Doug Wilson: I pictured him taller.

Fireman: [upon entering Conrad's grow-house] Holy shit! I think they shot "Peckers of the Caribbean" here!

Guidance Counselor: (Reading Shane's poetry/rap) My name is Shane/I bring the pain/ Up from the streets of Agrestic/Bitch, you don't wanna sweat this/I cap any motherfucker/You don't wanna test this/Be-
Shane: "Be-otch." I got rage in me. This is my way of venting.
Guidance Counselor: Well, you made a lot of people around this school very nervous.
Shane: Yeah? That's because they're a bunch of bitch ass white boys.
Guidance Counselor: I hate to break this to you, but you're also a bitch ass white boy.
Shane: Whatever, I don't care.
Guidance Counselor: I think you do care. A great deal.
Shane: Yeah, about what?
Guidance Counselor: You want approval from your peer group and when you don't get it, when they call you weirdo or Strange Botwin, then you wanna lash out. In this case, through your rap.
Shane: Yeah, that's it. I just wanna fit in. Can I go now?
Guidance Counselor: Shane you're here, because there's some concern that you might act on these emotions.
Shane: I'm not gonna cap any motherfuckers.
Guidance Counselor: How do I know that?
Shane: ‘Cause my therapist says I'm just acting out because my dad's dead.
Guidance Counselor: You may go.

Guillermo: [talking about the fire he stared] And it goes like that, just over and over, all the way south to Mexico. [nods his head forward]
Nancy Botwin: [whispering to his ear] You're facing west.
Guillermo: See, I could use you. You tell me which way is south. [rubbing against her] You be my navigator.
Nancy Botwin: Hand off the ass.

Heylia James: Yeah, lookin' in the dictionary the other day, saw your picture sittin' up in there. Right next to "Dumb ass white bitch."

Heylia: Hey! Hey! Stop all that damn arguing, this is a house of peace. (Interrupted by gun shots and bullets) Everybody all right?
Vaneeta: Yeah
Conrad: Cool. Snowflake? Snowflake?
Vaneeta: She's in shock, slap her.
Conrad: I ain't slappin' no white woman.
Heylia: Move, I'll do it.
Nancy: No, I'm okay (in a very shaky voice)
Heylia: You sure?
Nancy: Yeah (sniff).
Heylia: all right, let's clean this shit up.
Nancy: (Giggling a little) Is somebody gonna call the police?
Heylia: Baby, that probably was the police.
Nancy: I'm gonna go. Wait, I need my keys.
Conrad: We got unsettled business, you haven't even talked to me about my car yet. How you gonna get your keys now?
Heylia: Boy! The girl just had her shootin' cherry broke, give her the keys.

Heylia: Now, I know you got troubles, but like my momma always said, "Tough shit."

Heylia: Oh hell no, you don't put weed in my cornbread!

Heylia: Oh, you poor schmuck, you just played wrong (lays down a domino). That's a boat!
Nancy: Wait, a boat is when the four ends add up to 20?
Heylia: A boat is when I spank this boy's black ass for thinking he all that with his three switchin' bitches.
Nancy: Three switchin' bitches?
Conrad: It's 15. And a boat is 20. Stop fuckin' with her, she's just tryin' to learn the game.

Heylia: Oou, listen to Betty Cracker.

Heylia: Shit, white folks get soda pop, niggas get bullets.

Heylia: That's it. Range Rover for stoney clover.