[A bear named Grizzly laughs as he watches a live-action video of a bear scratching his back against a tree. He takes a drink from a Diet Soda bottle. As some soda accidentally spills on his desk, he attempts to wipe it off with his arm]
[laughs] Hey Panda! [BURP!!!] Excuse me. Check out this guy! Hey, you gotta see this! Panda?
[Grizzly scoots his chair around the house, in an attempt to find Panda]
[Cut to his little brother, Ice Bear, inside of the fridge]
Hey, have you seen Panda?
[Ice Bear lifts his shoulders, signaling an "I don't know."]
[Their brother, Panda is heard in the distance, singing. Cut to Panda in the closet, playing with a guitar game controller]
[singing] Why did you sit on my heart, and hurt me so bad? Lady!
[knocks on the door] Hey Panda, are you in the closet?
Um, no! No, nobody's here!
Why'd you lock the door, little brother?
I just need some alone time.
Is this- are you still bummed your internet girlfriend broke up with you?
[He groans] You gotta let that go, man! [Ice Bear swings his axe at the closet door] Cheer up! There are plenty of other girls out there! You're a Panda! You're cute. You're cuddly. You know kung-fu.
But I don't know kung-fu!
Yeah, you know what I mean. [Panda scrolls through some texts on his phone while Grizzly tries to console him. Panda has texted "Hello?" several times to Susan, his ex-girlfriend, until Susan had texted back "It's over."] [muffled] Come on, Panda, let's go do something fun. You can just forget about that online lady friend, that are bad buds all around her, she's just broken inside, okay? Don't be a sucker, Pan-Pan.
I got it! We could take pictures of ourselves with record albums as our faces!
We could shave our names on our backs again!
[finally opens the door] Chocolate?
[throws his axe on the ground] Ice Bear will drive.
[The bears leave the court carrying Panda and throw him into a water fountain]
Good job, bros. I'm proud of you, I saw improvement, and I saw heart, and you can't teach heart. Wait a sec, did we forget something?
Haha. I thought for a second there you said we left our stuff back at the court because my phone is in there and if I lost that I would totally freak out.
[long pause]
[The bears run back to the court, they look at the bleachers]
Ah! It's gone! Somebody jacked us!
No no no no no no no no NO!!
[A police officer is writing a ticket]
GPGrizzly and Panda
POLICE! POLICE! POLICE!
Whoa, sorry guys. I'm already writing this ticket.
No, no. We were robbed! T-The guy had a knife a-a-and one eye.
They stole my phone, my apps, my soul!
Arrest somebody! Use your gun! Wait, where's your gun?
[A ticket comes out the ticket machine and the police puts it on the car and drives away]
[in the diner] Okay, if I was here, and you guys were here and here, that would mean somebody took the bag... where?
Ice Bear has a conspiracy theory.
Panda, how're the mugshots coming along?
It's a good thing I have a photographic memory. Here's what I got so far. [shows tablemat mugshots of basketball players drawn in manga style]
Hm... they kinda look similar.
Really? But they're so rendered. [a waitress shows up]
WWaitress
So, I just talked to the manager, and he said if you guys want to sit here, you'll have to order more than three ice waters.
Well, maybe you wouldn't say that if we were [shows parking ticket] FBI, lady!! We're doing official business! Step away from the table!
WWaitress
Ugh... [leaves, stops] And stop wasting tablemats! [leaves]
We're losing time. Gotta think... need a clue... maybe someone who was at the scene of the crime. Ah! I know just where to go!
[Ice Bear slushes his ice water drink, shakes it]
[That night in the city, a red and white bus drives through the road. The bears appeared in the darkness]
[Grizzly rolls up the paper and uses it as a telescope. He spots two people arguing, a white cat and Player 41 opening the window]
Where? Do you see our stuff?
Oh, he has our stuff, all right. Let's move!
[The bears walk through the sidewalk and Grizzly grabs a ladder. Panda and Ice Bear follow him and climbed more ladders. An old lady spots the bears and dials her telephone to call the police]
WWoman
911. What's your emergency?
[Player 41 is watching a basketball game on TV]
AAnnouncer
And now Jones inbounds the ball. Shot clock at 18.
Wait, Grizz! What's the plan?
We'll I'm going to go in there and get our stuff back.
What if he's, I don't know, crazy? I mean, what if he works out? He can hurt our faces and stuff.
Ice Bear wants to get moving.
Okay, okay, okay. We'll go in ninja-style, cool?
[Panda and Ice Bear nods]
[As Ice Bear cooks breakfast]
Remember, no nuts in mine. I'm allergic.
[serving out breakfast] Ahem. Priyatnogo appetita. ["Bon appetite."]
[gasps in amazement] Ha ha ha! Whoa!
It looks so good, you guys! [grabs Panda's phone and starts filming him with it] We gotta document this!
Okay, chow down, Pan-Pan!
Come on, man, I just want to eat my breakfast.
[He starts eating, sweating nervously as Grizzly zooms in on him and sniggers]
[with his mouth full, spraying chunks] Come on, stop it, dude!
[laughs] Golden! I gotta post this online! [scoffs down his food in about two seconds] To the internet! [races out of the room]
[Panda sighs and keeps eating, while Ice Bear cuts a slab of meat with his axe]
[from another room] It's uploading! ... It's public!
[Panda and Ice Bear head to Grizzly at the laptop]
Hang on, little brother. Just watch. Millions of people are gonna wanna see this.
[Ice Bear presses "Refresh" six times, resulting in a "Dislike"]
GPGrizzly and Panda
Awww.
Ice Bear will hunt them down.
[Grizzly is holding a camera. The camera is off]
All right, wait, why isn't anything showing up? Oh, wait, it's not on. [camera is zoomed in too closely on Panda] Ha ha, whoa, hey, too close, yeah! Looking good, bro.
[Panda is wearing a pair of underpants wit ha safety pin and toilet paper rolls on his head]
Why do I have to wear toilet paper on my head?
Oh, oh where am I? I am a lost baby.
Ma, are you in there? [looks in cereal box]
Here's your bottle! [Ice Bear throws a drinking bottle at Panda] Now try to get up!
It's not my fault I was born round! [Ice Bear throws blanket on Panda]
Goodnight, baby! [to Panda] Alright, quick, take the camera. [Ice Bear turn the camera to Grizzly] Okay, am I in frame? Good. [talks to the camera somewhat loudly] Wow, look at this cute small box! Would it not be cute if I were to sit in it? [he falls on the ground and squishes the box] Did you get that? Okay, switch.
[The camera pans to Ice Bear who dances with a red towel/scarf and falls on the ground]
[Grizzly uploads the video and types...]
"Cu-test vid-e-o e-ver, #righteous, #holla..."
It's public! Alright, step back, let it breathe, guys.
[they step away for a beat; Grizzly runs to the computer]
I'VE GOTTA REFRESH! [slams into the desk and punches the F5 Key] Nothing. Oh. That's cool! That's cool. I mean, it's only been a minute, right? Yeah, you guys can go. Just gonna hang here, wait till we get more frien--I mean, hits.
[An Array of food items is shown. An Arial view of the food truck park is shown. Cut to bears and a very long line]
Aw man, when do we get to eat? This line's taking forever!
Ice Bear's tired of staring at this guy's butt. [Guy over-hears Ice Bear talking, and takes a step forward.]
[to Grizzly] How much longer I may die soon?
From here I would say...15 to 75 minutes? [Grizzly sees a man holding a taco] Woah! Is that the Ramen Taco? Lucky!
[Panda takes a picture of the man with his phone but the flash of the phone disorientates him for a couple of seconds and he walks away. Panda then looks at the picture]
Wow, there it is, I wanna eat my phone now. I told you we should've settled for the mac n' cheese pizza truck.
No Panda! When it comes to food we never settle!
We're good law abiding citizens; we deserve that Ramen Taco! Even 10 of em'.
Goodbye, cruel world. [falls down, making the others fall too]
[inspecting Grizzly's teeth] So it's true what the scientists say - your cavities are atrocious! Would you say that your poor dental hygiene contributes to your surly nature?
I don't know what "surly," means, but I'm gonna pretend it means "radical", so thank you.
[after Chloe left] Well, that was fun. Now time to enjoy our spoils. [sees laptop under honey wasabi gummi bags] Huh? Oh no...
Chloe's laptop! She needs this!
Hmm... Well... now that it's here, [opens laptop] a little peek can't hurt. Here it is, the assignment. Let's fullscreen. Next slide! [shows photo of smeared Ice Bear, smiling Grizzly and Panda with eyes closed] "Large and Needy Beasts of the North"... what?
Ugh, that's a horrible photo. [cue "hygiene" slide]
"Powerful stench"? It's an alluring musk!
Ice Bear smells like clean babies. [cue "social ignorance" slide]
We don't make people uncomfortable! [cue portrait of Grizz with keywords]
[chuckles] Cool, it's me!
Grizz, most of this stuff isn't very nice! [cue "Panda's diet" pie chart] I mean, what?! My diet is more balanced than that! I mean, it's just more lies! [cue "Ice Bear's property damage over time" line graph]
Ice Bear settled that out of court. [cue next slide]
What this? "The bear will do most anything for food." Anything for food? That's just not true! [they pause for a beat, spit out honey wasabi gummi] I don't understand, this is just such a misrepresentation.
Yeah! That's not us at all! [hear a text tone, Panda gets his phone] Look at this.
[reads text] "Left my laptop!" [a new text pops up] "Could you bring it by the college for me tomorrow? :0" Gasping face. Tomorrow... huh.
[Grizz and Panda chuckle at each other sinisterly, Ice Bear smiles cooly]
Oh, I'll bring it by tomorrow! "Yes ;) ;) ;)", winky winky winky. This is our chance, bros, to let the people know who we really are. Chloe won't mind if we make a couple adjustments. Break out the sugary drinks! We have a project to write!
[A lightning strike transitioning us back to the events of the first episode where it's raining, starting with the branches from the tree. The sirens can be heard, police cars and firetrucks driving up to the scene. The scene cuts to the puddle, two people running through it. Commands from a police's speaker can be heard]
PWPolice Woman
Affirmative. We've secured the area and Fire & Rescue is on the scene.
[The scene switches to a full view of the large tree, fire fighters, fire trucks, and a police car in the middle and foreground. The crying of Baby Grizzly is heard coming from a tall branch on the tree. Another lightning strike]
[Lyrics of "I Have Time" start]
FFFire Fighter 1
[pointing towards different areas as he gives out commands to the other men in urgency] Okay, I need two men on that aerial ladder. Get the life net, in case the animal falls.
[The scene switches to a lower view of the tree, a fireman riding up the aerial ladder to a small bear cub on a branch. Baby Grizzly is crying. The fireman makes it up to the top of the tree, looking at the cub, who's hugging the tree in fear The scene switches to a view of the cub, who's revealed to be Baby Grizzly. He looks over at the fireman, tears in his eyes. A lightning strike causes him to cry some more, hugging the tree again. A full view of the tree is scene, a lightning strike flashing in the background]
FFireman
It's okay, little guy. [lifts up his wrist, the end of his sleeve being a silver, metallic-looking end] Grab on. You're safe now.
[Baby Grizzly looks over at the fireman, tears still in his eyes. He reaches over and grabs the fireman's wrist, right on the silver area. He ended up hugging it close, resting his head on it. The fireman rides the ladder down, now having a calm and secure Grizzly upon his wrist. The scene switches to inside a firetruck, the fireman still having the cub on his wrist. The scene pans down to Grizzly]
FFireman
Yeah, not sure how this little guy got up there... He's holding my arm so tight! Cute little guy... Hope he doesn't get too attached...
BBadger
The wilderness is my home sweet home. I wasn't born on this Earth just to stay alive, I was born to be alive.
[runs to the edge of a cliff] Aha! We made it!
Wait, what do you mean, we made it? Where are all the picnic tables and benches?
I'm glad ya asked, buddy, 'cause... surprise!! [throws picnic basket away; falls into a forest] We're not having a picnic! And we're completely lost!
Grizz, what the heck, man?! I'm gonna starve! [Ice Bear reveals a food bar under his armpit]
Nope, that's cheating! [takes food bar, throws it away] Away! No more process snacks for us, gang. We'll be livin' off land, just like Mother Nature intended.
Ice Bear will never share again. Due to gravity.
Dude, whatever, I'll just use my phone and— wha?! [notices his phone is a piece of cardboard; nervous laugh] Grizz, where's my phone?
Pan Pan, would you just look around you? Nature provides everything we need. [takes twig off a tree] Like this twig! It has all the nutrients to help us survive. [munches twig] Mmmm, delicious!
C'mon Grizz, this isn't funny. Let's just go back home!
Guys, trust me. This is where we're meant to be! Just breathe in that fresh mountain air, would ya? [breathes in] Achoo!
Ice Bear will not bless you.
Together, we will follow in the footsteps of our primal ancestors! Face every obstacle that stands between us, [Australian accent] and survival! [a flying bald eagle screeches]
I don't think we're getting out of this.
Ice Bear will miss yoga today.
So are we men, or are we bears?
PIPanda and Ice Bear
[deadpan] Bears.
[Grizzly finds his way back to where the other bears were laying]
Phew! So, you guys hanging in there? Guys? Pan Pan? Bros? Sorry if I left you alone! Hello?
[A silhouette of a bear walks across the screen]
Where are you guys? [bumps into the back of Panda] Oh, there you are! I recognize that little tushie anywhere!
[Panda walks out of the bush and growls]
Whoa man, you don't look so hot!
[Ice Bear lunges out of a bush and attacks Grizzly]
[Ice Bear gets attacked by Panda, and the two fight]
You guys, that's enough. Stop fighting!
[Panda and Ice Bear stop, but turn to Grizzly]
[Grizzly attempts to climb a tree to escape Panda and Ice Bear]
[Ice Bear and Panda follow him. Near the top of the tree, Grizzly notices a sign for a restaurant, Burger Boy]
[Grizzly slides down the tree and swims across another lake. Ice Bear and Panda follow]
[The camera cut to campers around a campfire]
CCamper
And right behind her was a monstrous demon bear!
[running across the campers] Excuse me, sorry!
CCamper
Huh, that wasn't so bad.
[Panda and Ice Bear appear, and scare off the campers]
No no no no! Hey! No! [climbs into a car] C'mon, now, guys, be good! Be good! [Ice Bear and Panda rattle the car] Oh! Stop that! Please! This isn't our car! [starts the car] No no no no no! Hey! No! Get off! We're moving!
[The car is moving towards a hill]
No no no no. Guys, guys, please, keep going, we're gonna-
[The car barrels down the hill]
Get off! [notices Burger Boy sign] We're almost there!
[Panda and Ice Bear enter the car]
Hey! No backseat driving!
[The car becomes airborne as Grizzly screams in slow motion while buckling himself, then the car lands, and barrels towards Burger Boy]
You boys are in for a treat. [holds a tray full of fortune cookies] I've really outdone myself.
[Grizzly and Panda eat the fortune cookies]
Make this for us every night.
[Nom-Nom looks at Ice Bear]
Oh, hey, uh, can somebody get me ketchup? I mean, it's great and everything, I just like ketchup.
[Ice Bear opens the fridge and finds one bottle of ketchup. He and Nom-Nom grab the ketchup. Grizzly and Panda watches Ice Bear and Nom-Nom tug over the ketchup bottle until Ice Bear throws Nom-Nom and he gets hit by a wall]
GPGrizzly and Panda
[gasps]
[picks up Nom-Nom] Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. It's okay. Shh. Shh. Shh.
How could you do that? [Ice Bear frowns] How could you hurt anything that cute?
[Grizzly and Panda hug Nom-Nom. Nom-Nom twinks his eye]
