What should the punishment be for these two dangerous criminals, the most wanted peas in Persia, who appeared before you uninvited and tried to drop a piano on your head?
Well... Uh, let's see. It probably should be pretty stiff, huh? What do you think?
I say, the punishment should be... Banishment to the Island of Perpetual Tickling!
[Markus (Larry), Mordecai, Esther, and Xerxes are all shocked.]
TTeresh (Phillipe Pea)
You don't mean...
BBigthen (Jean-Claude Pea)
...the island where you are tickled day and night?!
TTeresh
Not even if you say "pretty please"?!?
BTBigthen and Teresh
AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
[The Grim Tickler enters the room, and tickles the Peaoni Brothers with his large feather as he takes them away to the Island of Perpetual Tickling.]
[Mordecai is walking when he spots the edict ordering him to be banished]
Huh? What's this? [reads the edict] OY! [grabs the edict and runs back to the palace] ESSIE! ESSIE! ESSIE!
EEsther
Cousin Mordecai? What is it?
Oh, he's done it! He's finally done it!
Look! [shows Esther the edict]
It's an edict! In just a few days, all of us, our whole family, will be sent to the Island of Perpetual Tickling!
EEsther
What?! Who... Who did this?
Oh, who do you think? Haman! I told you he hates us! Hates our whole family! And-and now he's done it! He got the King to sign this, and-and we'll all be banished!
[Mordecai is guarding the entrance gate, Haman enters with his playing cards.]
Well, hello there! [Mordecai doesn't respond] I guess there's not much to say, eh Mordecai? Seeing how in two days, you'll be waking up in Chuckle City! Ha! Y'know, I just came from dinner with the king and queen, and they invited me over again tomorrow night! Heh, I guess they must like me. Why don't you like me, Mordecai?
Eeesh... [turns away from Haman]
Y'know, it wouldn't be too hard to show me that you like me. Just a little bow, that's all. Is that so hard? Eh, who knows? I'm a very influential guy. I might be able to work something out for you and your family...
[angrily turns to Haman] Arrogance is not fitting for a fool, Haman! Much less is lying fitting for a right hand man! I'll NEVER bow to you!
[drops the cards in shock] HRRRGGG... Oh, yeah?! Well, maybe this "foolish right hand man" can arrange for you to take your trip to Tickle Town TONIGHT!! [storms off]
[Esther finally shows courage and asserts herself by her thought]
EEsther
Your highness, someone is plotting against my family. Tomorrow, my people and I will be banished to the Island of Perpetual Tickling!
What? Banish my queen? Who would dare?
EEsther
[angrily; turns to Haman] It's Haman!
[Haman feels shocked about it.]
I don't know what she's talking about. She's crazy!
Can you prove this charge?
I'm telling you, she's making it up!
[Esther shows the edict paper of Mordecai]
Wait a minute, that's Mordecai. I just gave him a parade!
EEsther
Mordecai is my cousin. His family is MY family!
[Haman squeals, King Xerxes gasps]
[angrily] You had me banish the man who saved my life and my own queen?!
[Haman squeals again]
For your punishment Haman, you are to be sent to The Island of Perpetual Tickling, along with anyone else who dares scheme against my queen and her family!
[The Grim Tickler slams the door open to Esther's home, going towards Haman.]
NOOOOOOO!!!! [The Grim Tickler tickles Haman with his feather and Haman laughs as he is tickled out the door, just like with the Peaoni Brothers.] Oh no, ple-he-he-ase stop it! Please sto-ha-ha-hap! Ha-ha, you're killing me, ha! Ha-ha-pretty please?
So Haman got what was coming to him, and then some. And Mordecai, this is my favorite part, (Markus gives Mordecai a paper) he got Haman's old job. The number two guy in the whole kingdom! Not bad.
OOmelet (Jimmy Gourd)
But soft, 'tis Ophelia. [no response; Omelet repeats with emphasis] But soft! Tis Ophelia!
[from off-stage, wearing a pink dress] But I don't wanna do it! It's embarrassing!
AAArcibald Asparagus
Don't be ridiculous! It's tradition! In Shakespeare's day, all the women's roles were played by men! [shoves Lunt out onto the stage]
I think we're gonna get letters about this... [in character] 'Tis I, the fair Ophelia.
[sings] You guys go ahead. We'll catch uuuuuuuuup!
Uh, Sven? You don't have to sing.
[sings] But it's a muuuuuusicaaaaaaal!
Yeah, I know, but you don't have to sing every line in a musical. Talking's okay too.
PMPa Monk
[after he sees Lyle pummeled in by big waves] Aahh! Lyle's in trouble! We gotta help him. Where's the life ring?
PMPa Monk
Hang on, Lyle! [throws] Help is on the way! [notices life ring still there besides him] Huh? What did I throw?
[Pa has thrown the pea monk, who screams as he flies into the ocean.]
[Cavis (Bob) and Millward (Larry) have accidentally woken up Moyer (Scooter).]
Hey! You there! What do you think you're doin'?!
[Moyer sees that Millward is holding the star's box.]
[gasps] The star! [Millward hides the box behind his back] All right! NOW I'M ANGRY!
It's Moyer the Destroyer!
I'm way ahead of you, Cavis!
Get back here, you chicken-hearted hooligans!
See ya, Moyer the Destroyer!
Cavis, are you okay? You fell down, and then you fell up! Speak to me!
Hey, why didn't I see that before? It leads all the way to that window! Okay, Millward. Start climbing!
What? Why do I have to go first?
Would you rather stay down here with Moyer the Destroyer?
[starts climbing up the ladder] I'm on my way.
Don't even THINK you can get away! You're trapped like a bug in the queen's sticky buns!
[climbing the ladder] Millward, keep climbing!
He's getting close, Cavis!
No! Don't lean back, Millward!
He's gettin' real close, Cavis!
[Millward leans back, tipping the ladder back.]
You're trapped like a dog hanging onto a big, juicy steak that has itself... somehow... become trapped... in some way...
CMCavis and Millward
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!
[Cavis and Millward crash out of the window and scream as they fall through the air.]
LPLaundry Person (Scallion #3)
Why does everyone want their laundry picked up at night, all of a sudden?
[After he leaves his laundry cart behind, Cavis and Millward land into it. Then the laundry cart starts rolling down the street.]
You okay? Well, who would have thought we could fall out of the bell tower and live to tell about it?
[They both laugh, as the laundry cart rolls off-screen.]
[off-screen] Are we moving?
[The laundry cart crashes off-screen, screen fades to black.]
