TToto
Randalf! I know why the elders sent me here! They want me to help!
[Scaryman (Scallion #1) captures Toto and puts his sword in front of him.]
SScaryman
Good thought, but wrong!
RRandalf (Mr. Nezzer)
Scaryman!
SScaryman
The elders sent you here because I told them to.
SScaryman
Everyone has something they're sure they can't live without. [looks at the Fellowship] For some, it's fame or fortune, [looks at Ahem] for others, a life of ease. For a certain ancient tree, it happens to be jewels, something of which I have in abundance.
RRandalf
You bribed them?
SScaryman
Yes. They got what they want, and I get what I want. Ha! Use your gift to help people, how quaint! I hope you've learned your lesson, boy. Life is short. If you have a gift, use it for yourself before you've lost it and it's too late.
[Scaryman pushes Toto aside and takes the bean.]
SScaryman
Ha! Too late! [laughs evilly]
BBillboy
You're wrong, Scaryman!
SScaryman
What? Who said that?
BBillboy
You're wrong, Scaryman!
SScaryman
Who- Show yourself! Where are you?
[Billboy charges at Scaryman and knocks him to the ground. He catches the bean.]
[[Scaryman tries to reach for his sword, but Ear-A-Corn (Larry) blocks it from him.]
ECEar-A-Corn
Not so fast, scary guy!
SScaryman
Sporks, save me!
[The Other Elf (Jerry), who's with the sporks, shakes his head.]
SSpork
Cookie man say no!
Sorry to interrupt, Mr. Holmes. But the Golden Ruler has been stolen!
[Sheerluck Holmes (Larry) can't understand his accent.]
I said, sorry to interrupt, but the Golden Ruler has been stolen!
SSheerluck
What language are you speaking?
MMaid
Say! I speak Scottish! He says someone's golden hula is swollen.
No. He said the goat and jeweler are out strollin'.
SSheerluck
See, I thought I was hearing something about Samoans.
MMaid
Perhaps coats and stools all go bowling.
Folding scooters have been rolling?
THE... GOLDEN... RULER... HAS BEEN.... STOLEN!
DDarby (Junior)
Is there anything really dangerous in these woods?
SScarecrow (Mr. Lunt)
A friend of mine was in these woods, and he says he saw a fella from Toledo.
TMTin Man (Larry)
You mean, an Ohioan?
TMTin Man
Well, my uncle said he saw one of those guys who play that little flute in the army.
SScarecrow
[gasp] A fifer?
SScarecrow
Oh, boy. Not to make matters worse, but I met a fella who knew a guy who says he saw... a mommy horse.
STScarecrow and Tin Man
Ohioans, and fifers, and mares!
STScarecrow and Tin Man
Ohioans, and fifers, and mares!
STScarecrow and Tin Man
Ohioans, and fifers, and mares!
STScarecrow and Tin Man
Ohioans, and fifers, and mares!
STScarecrow and Tin Man
Ohioans, and fifers, and-
[A lion (Pa Grape) roars, then barks like a dog. Scarecrow, Tin Man, and Darby run around screaming in panic.]
TMTin Man
IT'S AN OHIOAN!
[Scarecrow, Tin Man, and Darby bump into each other and fall.]
LLion
Uh no, that's "lion".
TMTin Man
Oh, lion. [gasps] Lion?!
[Scarecrow, Tin Man, and Darby run around screaming again.]
LLion
Oh, stop! I'm not trying to scare ya. I'm just hungry!
TMTin Man
A hungry lion?!
[Scarecrow, Tin Man, and Darby run around screaming again.]
LLion
No no! I'm not gonna eat you. I'm just having fun with you. On the count of being so bored.
[Huck is exploring the town of Muscatine.]
[to himself] Wow, what a great town. This place has got it all. Friendly town people, shopping, baby with a signal flare... Huh?
[Huck looks and sees that there is, in fact, a baby with a signal flare. Observing further, he sees that everyone in the town has a signal flare. To make matters worse, Huck spots a big "WANTED" billboard for Little Jimmy.]
Ahhh! [he backs away from the billboard, only to bump into a policeman] Excuse me. [the policeman turns to Huck, revealing he has a signal flare, too; Huck backs up, and knocks over an n entire cart of signal flares] Oh! Really sorry about that!
[Huck bumps into the old man he met from earlier.]
OMOld Man
Hey, is there somethin’ I can help you with, Sonny?
[He adjusts his hat with a signal flare. Huck sees it, screams, and runs away frightened, catching the baby’s attention. Cut to Tom and Little Jimmy on the dock.]
You play any football in high school? You got the size for it.
[Huck comes rushing toward them.]
[The baby suddenly spots Little Jimmy, and starts crying loudly as he whacks against his carriage.]
[Huck collides with Tom and Little Jimmy, and the three tumble down the stairs back onto the raft. The baby stops fussing and looks at his signal flare.]
[grabs the paddle] We gotta get outta here! [pushes the raft away from the dock]
W-What are you doing? Huck?!? What’s going on?!
[A signal flare shoots into the sky with a loud whistle and explodes into a firework. The baby laughs. Huck looks up in horror.]
Eh-hehh... eh, maybe no one noticed…
[He was wrong. Everyone else in the town starts firing their signal flares into the sky, making it look like a fireworks show.]
[paddling faster] They all know about Jim! The posters are everywhere! Even the babies have signal flares!
