RRahim
I got you a glass of champagne.
Thank you, Rahim. You drink alcohol?
RRahim
Yes, ma'am.
Oh, you Iranians are full of surprises.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
What's the whole not-drinking thing?
EWEd Webster
I'm a Quaker.
What?
Bullshit! No one's a fucking Quaker.
You probably think that staying sober keeps you on top of your game. Well, guess what. I work hard and I play hard, bitch. That's my credo. I got that shit tattooed on my dick with room to spare.
EEd
Jonah, you're not even a man. You're like an early draft of a man, where they just sketched out a giant, mangled skeleton, but they didn't have time to add details, like pigment or self-respect. You're Frankenstein's monster, if his monster was made entirely of dead dicks.
[Watching Danny Chung on TV] See, this is the problem with high-definition. You don't want to see a dick in hi-def.
Madam Vice President, greatest respect, but it has been the job of the VP over the ages to take it in the ass to save the president.
Yeah, let me tell you something. This ass is closed for business. This ass is in clench-down. I don't want to be a decoy. Let the president take it in the ass. He might like it.
Go fuck yourself, Jonah.
But ma'am, I'm G8 advanced team!
Go, period. Fuck, period. Yourself, exclamation point!
So you did get my final e-mail on topics?
JRJanet Ryland
No, but my spam filter did.
JRJanet Ryland
Can we get a couple of lights for the vice president?
GGlen
Yeah, let me just pull that out of my ass.
JRJanet Ryland
It's DC. You can find someone willing to open their ass on a Sunday.
Once again, Andrew, you have totally lived down to my expectations. When I invited you here to the residence to fuck me, I didn't mean this.
Hey, why doesn't POTUS just make an apology? I mean, I did and I was only, like, suicidal for a week.
Because he's a mess, alright. He's got a cave full of bats in his skull.
I took the heat for the spy. Don't I get any credit for that at all?
Yeah, so now we've got the judiciary committee subpoenaing us senseless, and on top of that, we got a rumour going around that says there's a challenger inside the party.
What? Who?
I dunno. One of Gaddafi's sons? They're polling better, so thank you very much for your help, but would you quit being so goddamned proactive? What are you going to do for an encore? Blow the opening day pitch out of your ass?
Ah, that's lovely. Is this what it's going to be like for the next two years?
Oh, my, yes. We are at DEFCON Fuck.
I know what this is all about. This is a political prick tease today.
Yeah, and we're about to meet a bunch of pricks.
You smell that? Money. Hey, Dan?
Ma'am.
Have you heard anything about this Danny Chung playlist?
I just caught that, actually. Some smart stuff on there, too. Nas for the young folks, some Dean Martin for the retirees.
He just got one of his butt droids to do it, which is why I want you to do it for me, okay?
Your mix is my command.
Oh. Dan.
This is awkward. Like catching your sister's eye at an orgy.
Well, my sister would never be at an orgy. Too uptight. She would want health records from everyone— and just kill the momentum and...
Okay. I'm disappointed in you. This is behavior I would expect from myself. But from you? Uh-uh.
Let's cut the crap. We're both here for Chung.
So we both jump together. You know, Butch and Sundance.
Don't they both die?
No, not when they jump. They die at the end.
Hey.
Hi. Uh, we told everyone you were delayed. But we're gonna have to cancel this thing, okay?
No. Mike, what are you talking about? I can't cancel my destiny.
Ma'am, look at you. You're wearing a robe. Unless you want to go down there and sing them a chorus of "Look At Me, I'm Sandra Dee," you can't go downstairs.
Knock, knock! J-rock o'clock! Somebody order boom service? As a senior White House official I am commandeering this situation, Mike. Alright, what have you guys got for me?
Okay, she just walked through a glass door which is somewhat ironic, building up to an invisible primary, and she is temporarily insane on a cocktail of happy pills. Over to you. Captain.
[Jonah is dumbstruck with shock, his mouth wide open]
You just broke his brain, Amy.
Jesus, look at that stupid gaping mouth. Let's put stuff in it.
How bad is she?
DDoctor
She's fine. It's just superficial cuts.
Did you give her any painkillers, or...
DDoctor
I didn't want to do that because she's already on St. John's Wort.
I think I got that off a Catholic schoolgirl once.
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