On a subconscious level, you are outraged.
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Promise you will not give this another thought.
No, we don't.
It's okay with me if she wants to stay here.
Wow. You're good.
Would you think more or less of me if I told you I came last night to practice?
You practiced for our date?
I didn't want to embarrass myself in front of a real artist.
Smart. This vase I'm making, gonna sell it for $300,000.
Oh, darn, I only have $100,000 on me.
Oh, this is awkward. I thought I was dating a rich guy.
You ever think about doing this professionally?
I did, for a long time. But honestly, I'm worried it would lose some of the joy, if it were my job.
That makes sense.
Besides, I kind of like working for my dad. But if you tell him, I'll deny it.
That's great that you have that self-awareness. Most people are oblivious.
Oblivious? Is that your professional assessment as a psychologist?
Uh, no. The technical term is "stupid". I was just trying to class it up.
What are you into outside of work?
Well, doing pottery with pretty girls is kind of my thing right now. And there's my punk band.
You have a punk band?
Yes.
You?
Yes. I may look like a mild-mannered college professor, but every Thursday at 4:00 PM, I am a guitar-smashing maniac. I don't actually smash it. I just kind of lift it above my head, then put it down gently.
And what is this pretend band called?
It is not pretend. It is me and several other psychology professors, and we are called "Rage Against the Dean".
And do you wear punk makeup? Eyeliner, blue lipstick?
No, just a little zinc oxide on my nose when we play outside. Oh, and a hat. I have a really cool hat.
[Hazel drums the buckets with her drumsticks.]
Never had a lesson.
So, great. For fun, maybe you could try keeping a beat. Sort of.
[Brett drums the buckets with his hands.]
That's what I was doing. But, okay.
And, uh, Lizzie, can you give me sort of a...
[Brett vocalizes with his voice. Lizzie plays the keyboard with her hands.]
Love it, love it. Okay. You guys ready to blow the lid off this dump? I'm sorry. It's actually, it's a lovely house. 1, 2, 3, 4!
[Brett plays the bass guitar, Lizzie plays the keyboard, and Hazel drums the buckets with her drumsticks. Hazel knocks down the buckets with her hands.]
Whoo! Thank you, Columbus! We are Hazel and the Old People!
[final lines]
Of course.
Oh, that's not kale in there, is it?
Can we not have the kale conversation?
I like iceberg.
I know.
It knows what it is. It's not trying to be all fancy.
I know.
Check it out. Boom!
[The tattoo reads: "Holly".]
Oh, on the ribs. Did it hurt?
Yeah.
Oh, my God. Why did you do that?
Because it's awesome.
Does she know about this?
No, it's a surprise.
Big surprise.
Oh, dude, this may be the dumbest thing you've ever done.
No, it's romantic.
No, it's stupid. You're gonna freak her out.
Why are you the enemy of romance?
I want her to know I'm crazy about her.
Well, she'll definitely get the crazy part.
You don't know her like I do.
She's cool, laid-back and independent.
Okay. You know her a little.
And this tattoo makes you look weird, desperate, and really clingy.
It does.
Oh, yeah. Now I see it. Too bad. I liked her.
Okay, you guys are crazy. She's not gonna break up with me over a tattoo.
Spilt milk, buddy. Let it go.
I tried to talk him out of it.
What? Why?
Copy that.
50% of your artery, isn't blocked.
Yeah.
There seemed to be no rhyme or reason to what we were doing.
I just want to make sure you're not compromising stuff that matters because you're hurting.
I was at Vanessa's.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's United States of Al pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.




