I really am gonna go this time.
I hope it helps.
Okay.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Nah, too flashy.
It's simple. Monday is the first day of junior high. All the other kids are gonna be trying to get noticed right away, which I think we can agree is a fatal mistake.
All I am asking for is for you to be open while talking to him.
Thank you, Hassina.
You've had a week, haven't you?
Not as bad as Al's.
It's not a contest.
[Riley turns the TV on with his remote.]
NNewsman
Breaking news, the Browns' season is already in peril because they're now down 2 defensive backs.
Oh, this is perfect. This is breaking news, America!
Hey, why don't we just turn this off?
No! No, how's Cleveland supposed to win? I mean, Cleveland is screwed.
Riley.
We got to do something! Cleveland is running out of options! I got to tell everybody, they got to know!
[Vanessa turns the TV off with her remote.]
Hey. This is bigger than you. And don't worry. The Browns' secondary is deep.
You know why I think I'm so good at this?
Because I'm doing most of the work.
When I was in 7th grade, a couple of us used to hang out at the gas station tonight. We wait for someone to go in and buy cigarettes or lottery tickets. They leave their car running. We hop in, drive around the block, ditch the car, and leave.
What? That was cold.
AAriana
Well, looks like someone is having a picnic.
Whoa.
Ah. I will leave you to it.
No, you can stay.
You sure?
Yeah.
You know, sweetheart. I get it. When your mom passed away, it took me months to even look at her closet. So don't feel bad. And we're doing this.
From our second date, mini golf. Boy, did he cheat. Hole in one? I don't think so.
That's a lot of shot glasses.
He collected them. Branson, Yellowstone, Niagara Falls. The Vatican! This one was hard to find.
Oh.
He was obsessed with Donny Hathaway. His wings! After flight school graduation, they had this fancy ceremony, and then got wasted and punched the pins into each other's chests. Idiots!
I'm proud of you.
Why?
You opened the box. No tears.
Should I be more upset?
No. It means you're moving on.
Oh, my God, you think so?
No, I don't. I think you're still very sad.
No. I'm not.
AAnnouncer
But thermal expansion is not just affecting humans.
Look, what Dad said is not cool, but he is a very stubborn man, and if you don't apologize, we're gonna have another Uncle Charlie.
HHassina
Salaam.
AAll
And Merry Christmas, you son of a bitch!
[final lines]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's United States of Al pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.