Hey, hey, it's got nothing to do with jealousy. I just know, based on a lifetime of experience, that penises do not observe a traditional mourning period.
So what's it gonna be? A movie, bowling, putt-putt, Nevada cathouse?
I vote for cathouse.
Do you even know what a cathouse is?
Not firsthand. That's why I voted for it!
A movie would be fine.
All right. A movie it is. What's out that's good?
There's a new pirate movie. It's rated "Arr!" [Alan and Charlie stare at him] You guys have no sense of humor.
[Charlie is drinking on the patio with Wanda while Chelsea is out of town]
Have I met this woman before?
I doubt it.
She looks familiar.
Blond, busty, and bombed? Around here, that's familiar.
I thought Uncle Charlie liked Chelsea.
He does.
Well, then, what's he doing with Wanda?
Well, buddy, it's like this: uh, despite his many admirable qualities, your Uncle Charlie is, at heart, a sleazeball.
That's what I figured. I just wanted a second opinion.
I still don't understand why it's called Back to the Future.
Because they're stuck in the past, and they have to get back...
Home.
Hey, Jake...
You might wanna hang back a sec. I just ripped off an air biscuit.
What?
I farted. Sorry, I get the fancy words from my dad.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Two and a Half Men pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.




