Charlie [singing on TV]: He's a little boy, he is not a toy, don't shake-shake-shaaaake the baby!
When did you become the king of kids' songs?
When did you become the Federal Trade Commission?
Charlie [singing]: I drink from a sippy cup, sippy cup, sippy cup
I drink from a sippy cup 'cause I'm a big kid now
Bye-bye boobies, bye-bye boobies
bye-bye boobies 'cause I'm a big kid now!
TCTV commercial
Call now and you'll also receive a bonus Charlie Waffles scratch and sniff poster! It smells just like maple syrup!
What? They couldn't make it smell like bourbon?
Who loves kids?
KKids
Charlie Waffles!
Right!
[Charlie turns off the TV]
That's it, what do you think?
Alan [after staring in disbelief]: I'm going back to bed.
Charlie [to Jake]: What about you?
You couldn't have TiVo'd this?
Hey, Charlie Waffles may love kids, but he's getting pretty sick of you!
Hey, Alan, I figured out what went wrong in seventh grade!
What?
I hadn't started drinking yet! [walks in drunk]
Charlie, you have to get out there.
Right, the little bastards await.
Alan [to Artie]: You can't sue him if he just stinks, right?
[plays a little bit then burps as kids laugh] That one's not on the CD!
They love him! How can they love him?
AArtie
Who cares? We're gonna make a fortune!
Doesn't it bother you that he's loaded?
AArtie
He's a musician. It'd bother me if he wasn't.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Two and a Half Men pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.